Very VERY tame, calm boa

[Zulu3]

I am new to the boa world, but my newest (first) boa addition is a bit feisty. He bites, but the bite is a food response (strike, coil) not an aggression strike. I think with enough time and proper handling he would be JUST fine.

I love him to death, but my boyfriend wants him OUT. However, I have fallen in love with the boa temperament. After my guy settles down he is just fine to hang out, not really be too active when being handled. I am in search of another boa with a very calm boa attitude, without the feeding response.

My boyfriend really isn't going to give me the time to do this for him. He is a 2005 Brazilian Rainbow Boa. I would like to trade him for another boa. I am open really to different morphs/sexes.

I have a 40 breeder tank so it needs to be able to fit into that.

I really hate to do this. Really. I love him. I know he would be nice and tame if someone could take the time to hold him often enough. Brent if you read this I am terribly sorry. It's killing me to give him up =(

Thanks
Ali

[whippet]

seriously...dump the boyfriend.

(longish story that will mean nothing to you now but might later)

I know this sounds stupid. But my ex who I was with 9 years made me get rid of a lot of pets because they weren't perfect. I cried and was upset everytime but did it to keep the relationship.
I was asked to give up ... an agressive iguana, a biting ball python, a dog who chewed, and birds who screamed, ferrets who smelled.
Finally I got rid of a partner in life who was not on the same track I was. I found someone who loves animals too and is okay with flaws in them. I am MUCH better off. You are only 19...get rid of the baggage. Someone who would demand you get rid of a pet because it is not perfect is not worthy of you.

NO boa is going to be THAT tame, THAT calm, and have no feeding repsonce. ALL of my snakes have a very strong feeding reponse and can't be grabbed during that time. Even my corns would strike then.

[dionythicus]

I'm sorry this is going to come of as a preachy I know it all, and I certainly don't, but I am concerned for you. Anyone who loves you needs to love you unconditionally, no strings attached, no demands. If he doesn't like this one's temperment, what's to stop him from suddenly not liking another snakes's temperment, myabe a corn, and him telling you to get rid of it, too? Are you really going to listen to someone who can't accept ALL of you, including the less than perfect snake? Trading one snake for another makes no sense. It may be hard to see the forest for the trees, but there will be someone who accepts your animals (nippy or not). So tell the BF to grow some and deal with it, or kick him to the curb. Never compromise your lifestyle for someone else, they will just keep bringing you down.

[snakewispera snr]

Yep dump the BF...... If he can't or won't understand now, whats it going to be like in years to come......

[Zulu3]

Thanks for the advice guys. =) I think I am going to take a stand. I love my BRB, and I know with proper handling he could be calmed down, (at least not consistently bite). It doesn't scare me to be bitten. I've been bitten by my corns on their pissy days. Am I allowed to say that word? O.o sorry. But anyway thank you guys for all the advice.

Ali

[whippet]

Atta Girl!

[dionythicus]

Woo-hoo! Good for you!

[snakewispera snr]

Even if it doesn't calm down, it's your choice...
Can I ask...... Is your BF a wuss...... Like he doesn't have to play with it does he, so whats the problem....

[Kokopelli]

I have to say something...
I do not disagree with the notion that love shouldn't come with conditions...
However, relationships are all about compromises being made by both sides.
If your BF is fine with you having snakes... I think that's a forward step on his part.
I don't think people should throw love into the wind because of a singularity such as this.
The fact that this happened this time does NOT mean he will start doing the same with other snakes.
BRB's are notorious for being nippy- there ARE Boa Constrictors with a wonderful, tame, disposition- I own 7 such individuals... the most I get from them is a hiss. I got bit once cause I was handling a baby with a mouse nearby- served me right, and it was a calculated "risk".

The experience the repliers to this thread made may or may not apply to your situation- with all due respect, I really love my snakes, but the people I let into my life are more important.
My future partner will have to understand that snakes are a part of my life- but if a certain snake I got after meeting her really freaked her out, I would consider finding said snake a different home. Otherwise, I would find a solution as to not force the presence of that snake on her.

I don't know... I just think that the air of some of the replies is a bit vindictive and rich with personal, bad experience. But that experience is personal.

I would be very careful with actually advising someone to ditch their significant other.
Relationships are a fragile thing as it is, and they are worth preserving... Added external encouragement to put stress on it can sometime result in a true loss.

I dig the "girl power" thing, I honestly do believe that every woman has the right to be loved by someone who accepts her as she is, unconditionally- however, it is only natural for two sides to disagree at times and our willingness to compromise.

I can't consider not liking one snake out of a collection as a severe, misplaced demand.

[Zulu3]

Oren... thank you =)

I agree very much with you.. Compromise is important. He has comprimised a LOT just to allow the snakes I have into our lives. At the same time, he wants to compromise and get rid of all but 4. Well.. I don't think I can ever be an established breeder which is something I really want someday, with only 4 snakes.

So it is a tough situation. I feel like he should accept my lifestyle. Everyone in my life is saying the exact opposite. My parents, him, our friends all say I am out of line. Brandon is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I tell you something. He is obsessed with golf. Every week I sit in a HOT, unconfortable golf cart and WATCH, not play but have to watch him play golf for 4 hours. Every single week. And I do it without complaint. Because I accept and support that in his life.

I want some of that in return. He doesn't have to touch, take care of or even SEE the snakes because 99% of the time they all hide. I have compromised from taking up an entire room with big terrariums into a rack system, which looks nice and much less space consuming. He doesn't have anything to do with the snakes. He argues that he has to know that they are in the house .. erm?

Anyway this is a tough situation I have. It isn't black and white. There is some gray area and hopefully we will find it.

Thanks all, it is really nice to have input from others to make a good decision.
I love this place.. =)

Ali

[Kokopelli]

Well, all I can advise is... to sit with yourself and really think.
You are still young(and I am not saying this in a condescending way, I really don't).
The notion of being a full time breeder probably went through many young minds, but only a fracture actually go through with it- also, it takes time.

If you feel that snakes are a part of yourself, which you are unwilling to compromise- than you should indeed be with a person who respects your sacred space more, and is willing to overcome whatever unease he may have about snakes- for truly, you are not forcing them on him.

I wish you the best, do not make compromises you will regret- but also make sure not to be stubborn and miss out on a good thing.

It's a delicate line, and it's a lot to think about...

I am sure you will be fine :)

Oren

[jenneses]

Ali, you don't have to take anyone's advice. Here's what I would do in your situation:

-Decide what I want in my life partner (completely objective, not focusing on any one person)
-Decide what my goals are in life (school, degree, career, hobbies, children, etc.)
-Outline what steps need to be taken to accomplish these goals and timelines to accomplish

After you've established where you want you life to go (in both partner and goals you want to accomplish) give them a point system between 1-10, 10 being something you are NOT willing to compromise on. 1 being something not very important in the overall scheme of things and you are willing to completely give up. 5 would be willing to compromise but so does your partner.

And compromise in my mind isn't complaining all the time about "allowing" you to do something, btw. That's a control tactic.

Now once you have all your goals and they are in a point system. Write your boyfriends points down next to it. Is he going to help/support you in this? 1 is No way, no how is he going to be okay with this, 5 being he's willing to make some concessions, but you're going to have to as well, and 10 being "Hell, yeah! Anything you need me to do I'll do."

Ex. You want to go back to school. 10 for you (not willing to compromise) but he's a 1 (no way he is going to be "okay")
Ex. 2 - You decide you want to take up painting as a hobby, this is a 3 for you (it's important, kinda, but you don't have to have it your way) For him it's a 4 (he's willing to make some concessions, but not going to completely go out of his way)

Once you have all the points set up - See how big the gap is between what you want, and what he's willing to help you with. If there are a lot of BIG gaps between the two of you, your best bet is to move on. He may be the best guy, but your paths are completely different. You need someone who'll help you with your goals or at least be willing to lend some support on the really important ones.

As for what your family and friends say about the relationship, they see only bits and pieces. They never see the whole as well as the person involved, so don't let their opinions bother you or change your mind. You have every right to feel how you feel, and no one can tell you your emotions are wrong or misguided. They're emotions, they don't follow rules.

[Zulu3]

I know I am young, but I really think I've found a passion here. I'm currently going to school full time, working part time, and caring (with the help of Brandon (the bf)) for 2 cats, a dog, and my 32 snakes. (counting the babies)

I've been doing it. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I really have been. I'm looking forward to my first breeding season ever next spring. I don't know I mean I am sure a lot of young people don't follow through, but I really feel I will.

He is a great guy, snakes are just his 1 big fear. He has come a long way since we began dating a year ago. He used to flip at the sight of one. He is now handling, and asking to handle my corn Caesar who is 2 years old, not entirely full grown by any means, but bigger than a hatchling by far. I hope that we can come to a compromise of some kind. I am sure if we really are meant to be together then that will happen.

If not then maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I appreciate all of your thoughts. I am sure I'm not the only snake love that has gone through this.

Ali