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General Chit-Chat Forum Discussion about general topics that are really off topic concerning corn snakes, or just about any old chit at all.

Crazy Snake Lady (or Person)
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Old 09-27-2006, 10:50 PM   #1
terrysangel79
Crazy Snake Lady (or Person)

You might be a crazy snake lady if....

1. The kids in the neighborhood call you the crazy snake lady
2. You keep your nails short to avoid scratching your snake.
3. Your friends have pictures of their children and grandchildren in their wallet, and you have pictures of a full-grown African Rock Python.
4. You have more snake aquariums than pairs of shoes.
5. You own at least one snake that is twice your height and twice your weight.
6. You don't cry at weddings, but tears of joy run down your face when your "grandchildren" poke their little heads out of their shells and see the world for the first time.
7. You have ever cradled a 7-foot snake in your lap
8. Your snake defecates on you, and you rush to record th even in your snake log before going to the bathroom to clean up.
9. You think baby snakes are cuter than kittens or puppies
10. You buy fancy, sild or satin pillowcases for your snakes but keep cheap cotton ones on your own pillows.
11. The neighborhood kids come over all the time for the snake-shaped cookies and to play with your babies while the cookies are baking.
12. You've ever asked a potential landlord "Are aquariums okay?" and don't own a fish.
13. You assure your cowboy boyfriend that those new 600-dollar snakeskin boots can and WILL fit up his ass unless he gets rid of them and apologizes for scaring your babies.
14. You call your snakes your 'babies.'
15. Someone hears you and a fellow crazy snake lady talking about your babies, and when they ask, you gush about your 5-foot Ball Python, your pair of Columbian Boas, and your 10-foot retic.
16. A fellow crazy snake lady says she has two balls, and not only do you NOT think she's weird, but you ask to see them.
17. You fall for it every time men make rude jokes about their 'snakes.' "Really? You have an albino ball python? Can I see it?"
18. When you realize it's a joke, you start to wonder if you can get off on just manslaughter.
19. You tell your snake he's sexy more than your boyfriend, and your boyfriend doesn't mind.
20. At 2 am, you're tempted to let your 200-pound anaconda into the neighbors yard to silence their annoying dog.
21. Whenever an animal in the neighborhood goes missing, you're the first place everyone looks.
22. You talk to your snakes in baby voices.
23. You completely believe that they can understand you.
24. You've ever lectured a male snake on proper fatherhood. "Now, just because the job is done doesn't mean the work is over. You're going to help raise those little guys. They need a proper male influence in their youth...."
25. You've ever kissed a 150-pound snake on the nose.
26. You can't understand why people think this is weird.
27. Instead of an annoying rottweiler that eats you out of house and home, you let your 20-foot retic loose in your apartment at night to guard you against burglars (and ex-boyfriends).
28. You spend more time in a herp store than at the mall (unless the herp store is IN the mall. BONUS!!!)
29. You spend more time buying snake stuff than buying clothes.
30. There is ALWAYS enough room on your credit card for another snake.
31. Redecorating your house means trying to find room for another aquarium.
32. There is ALWAYS enough room for another aquarium.
33. You've ever used the words "but they're cute" in an argument with someone who doesn't like snakes.
34. You've owned chickens, rabbits, and pigs, but never lived on a farm.
35. You keep perfect sheds in a scrapbook for sentimental value.
36. You have ever had "new shoes" and "dead rats" anywhere near each other on your Christmas list.
37. You spend your free time writing lists like this one!
 

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