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What if your SO decided they didn't like your snakes?

smigon

smigon

Old enough to know better
What would you do if your SO of a few months or long enough for you to develop an attachment to them said they didn't like the snakes, and it was them or the animals?

Our old roommate got a puppy and we gave him one of the kittens from my rescue cat's litter, he moved out when he bought a house and about a year later he met someone but she already had a dog and she didn't like his animals so he ditched them. He (he's my husband's friend) said he took them to a no-kill shelter but I know for a fact that every no-kill shelter here was full (I work for a rescue group and try to find homes for homeless pets, so I don't know who he thought he was fooling).

I wouldn't put it past him to just dump them in a neighborhood and "hope for the best". I was so incredibly angry, hurt, disgusted, betrayed and sad over this.

What would be your choice in this if you met someone?
 
If we had been together for a while they will have known about my collection. I'd ditch the person since they can live without me but my animals cannot. If I just met them there wouldn't even be a question to keep my animals.
 
I knew I liked you, Aaron! Yeah, they had been together a few months before this went down, and he chose her. Granted, they did get married a few months later, but he also had just gotten his divorce papers that month too. He moved fast on everything like he does in real life. I give this marriage one year and then a new puppy will join him, just to be dumped like the last one. Sorry so cynical, but I have now known this guy long enough to know his MO.

Hooray for love and finding "the one", but you have to accept ALL of me, not just my slammin' bod. (Okay, that was just an ego booster to help my new year's resolution!)
 
It would be one thing if you picked up this hobby after you had been dating. But someone shouldn't expect an interest to change that was present going in to the relationship. And anyone who would abandon a dog is someone I would steer clear from.
 
No one who truly loved you would ever force you to choose between a beloved pet and them. And yeah, I don't care how long we've been together, you ask me to choose between my pets and you, it won't ever end well for you, lol. Thankfully my current boyfriend loves animals almost as much as I do, including the snakes and amphibians, so it isn't an issue. He'd be gone in a heartbeat though if he ever made an ultimatum like that.
 
That's not fair at all. They would have known going into the relationship and it's not fair to do an all or nothing. I mean what would be next? I would ditch the person.

When I started my snake hobby my husband was not thrilled but we worked it out so we were both happy. That is how successful relationships work, with compromised not ultimatums.
 
I believe there is a special place in hell for people who abandon/abuse animals.
 
As an active animal rescuer who gets stray arriving at the house at 1 AM in the morning, i would ditch the person instantly.. animals is a huge part of my life and I would be like Oh really? and just walk... I don't overdo it, I am well aware of my capacity, I make time for other things as well but I do personal rescue when time and resources allows and if someone isn't cool with that.. The door is there.. I am not put on this planet to please someone else.. I can be more than a handful for most men but frankly it doesn't bother me...
last guy I was involved with a few days ago.... 150 lbs UNDERWEIGHT...
I dropped everything last minute to go and do an assessment, BUT this video was what convinced the rescue that he was worth pulling.. Who cares about a Saturday night dinner vs a life on death row? don't mind my cackle!
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10204607204972048&set=vb.1592319014&type=3&theater
 
Chip said:
It would be one thing if you picked up this hobby after you had been dating. But someone shouldn't expect an interest to change that was present going in to the relationship. And anyone who would abandon a dog is someone I would steer clear from.
Click to expand...

Just like snakes aren't for everyone, nor are dogs and I'm one of those....for now.

That said, I couldn't agree more with Chip here. No further debate needed, pretty much hits the nail squarely on the head and sinks it into wood.
 
My SO hates snakes. I have kept them off an on my whole life but did not have any when we met. Now I have a large collection. Every time I have one out while he's around he says "eww" or makes a comment about how "nasty" they are. But he's never told me I have to get rid of them, and is pretty accommodating considering how much he hates them. But honestly, they require minimal care and aren't crawling around the house like a cat or dog, so what's the issue?
 
My opinion is that when I take on an animal I take it on for it's entire life. I would never date a guy and then ask him to get rid of something that is important to him, and I would expect the same respect. My animals' lives are my responsibility and I would not even consider getting rid of an animal to please a person. It's not an option, and like HVani said, what would be next?

I do, however, expect to compromise on the type and quantity of future pets. When someone decides to be with me, they sign on for the life of my existing pets, and will have to know that I will never be without SOME pets, but part of a committed relationship is making decisions together. If they have some limits or preferences that are different from mine, I'm sure we could find a compromise that works for both of us.

That being said, if a guy doesn't LOVE animals (not just tolerate them) he wouldn't last that long around here anyway.
 
If I was with someone for any length of time and they all of a sudden decided "nope", they know where the door is...They knew about the animals well before hand so at that point it's not an option.
 
I would NEVER give up something I like/want/care for to please another. Either they accept me and everything that comes with me, or we weren't meant to be.

They don't have to touch, care for, or even look at my snakes if they don't want to...but I wouldn't get rid of them (or any other animal/hobby for that matter). Anyone who would ask me to get rid of something like that obviously doesn't know me or care for me well enough to matter.
 
March 7, 2006....Starbucks 6pm, I had her at dihybrid cross when talking about leopard gecko genetics, we closed Starbucks that night. We've been together 9 years on that date come later this year and will been married 3 years come July.

I still remind her she's not a real biologist since she's a microbiologist. She, in turn, reminds me that her beloved microbes can make my life miserable. Pfft...I got the higher grade in micro lab. :D

I swear at times she was more excited to see what hatched this season than I was. She contributes to my delinquency (herps), and I to hers (crafts), and it took me years to find someone that was accepting of such.
 
It can be so hard, can't it? I met my ex-husband when we were 16, and he was deathly afraid of all animals. I mean, the guy wouldn't even hold a baby chick. I swear, we once saw a lady walking a tiny poodle, and he made me cross the street so he wouldn't have to walk past it. This was a huge issue for me as I would own a zoo if I could. Luckily, he came around somewhat, and to this day, he still calls me every time he finds a stray cat, and he always finds it a home.
My current bf (been together 2 years) is somewhat of an animal lover like me, but nowhere near my level. When we met, I had one cat. Later, we began our journey into the aquarium hobby, which is more his thing, as I tend to prefer pets I can hold. Of course, once I found out I could train our fish to finger feed, I was pretty happy. This past year, I insisted on giving my twin boys a kitten for their 8th birthday. He objected all the way there to pick up the kitten, but a week later, he was so jealous, he adopted his own kitten! When I decided I wanted to buy a corn snake for the kids, he had no objections, but he also didn't "get it." He thinks snakes are boring as hell. I argued that at least you can hold a snake, unlike his beloved fish. We agreed to disagree. No big deal. If he had been afraid of snakes, I would not have considered it. It wouldn't be fair to the snake to be in a home with a person who would give it bad vibes. (Just my opinion.) For me, I could not be in a relationship with a person who would not allow me to have my pets. Even my ex, who was afraid of animals, was made well aware, from day one, that he was going to be exposed to animals if he wanted to be with me. Luckily for him, he was more than willing to learn about animals, and ended up learning to love them, even without me. I have found that most guys, might say they don't like animals, but if they are serious about it, they will leave before I have to get rid of them. And that is what it comes down to. I will get rid of a person I am dating before I get rid of my animals. It is not because I value the animals more. I just know that any person who doesn't at least accept my animals, is not a good match for me.
 
What Chip said. I don't think I could date anyone that doesn't love animals. They might not have to like the snakes but if they were afraid of them it might be a deal breaker.
 
If someone knew I had animals before they were part of my life, then after a while they said, "pets or me"; my answer would be, "There's the door, bye!".
 
Given how Jax inhabits the same room I use as my bedroom, I think a mismatch would become apparent very quickly. I'd pick them over a dude any day. They're my family. My mom calls them her grand-snake-babbies.

Though given how many Kijiji ads I've seen about people giving up their snake because their SO doesn't like them, this happens a lot. :nope:
 
I volunteer at a cat shelter and unfortunately it's pretty common to dump a pet for a new love interest. I definitely never would! I've made some pretty extreme life choices to make sure every one of my pets stayed in the family. I even chose to stop at 1 child because I suddenly thought "what if I had a baby that was allergic to the dogs or cats??" Well a few other reasons too but that was huge.
 
So far I've been lucky and haven't had that happen to me. I've never been made to choose. But the way I see it is, if they knew about my animals beforehand and they really loved me for me. They would never make me choose in the first place.

I am not a dog person. I do like dogs. But I am very allergic of them. I live with my grandparents and they have a dog. I have to wash my hands and arms every time I touch her. If I hug her I have to change my clothes. It's annoying. But I'd never demand anyone get rid of their pet.
 
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