What's a girl to do? Just need to vent...

[mommyof2]

I've been with my daughter's dad for about 4 years. Well we split up(to keep a long story short) about a week ago and I just don't know where to start. For some reason he's going to keep the house and car and money and I have to go out and get a job(he's been the one supporting us for a couple years now) and a house and fix the car I do have. Oh yeah, and I'm taking both kids! I feel pretty overwhelmed right now. I've been in college for a year, but I still have about a year left before I can get any real job(not to mention I'm not sure how I'll be paying for school now:shrugs. How's a single parent supposed to make it nowadays? Minimum wage is way too low and housing(unless you want to live in the ghetto, which I don't) is way too expensive. Now I find out that taxes will be delayed in being returned this year due to some new law change. Are any of you out there single parents? If so, how do you do it?

 

[ghosthousecorns]

It really sounds like the first thing to do is get yourself a good attorney, doesn't sound right he gets the house when you are the one with the kids?
I don't know what to say, good luck and if I were in your shoes I'd be talking to a lawyer.

 

[Cegninedorf]

I second that: get a lawyer. It may seem frivolous at first, that you can work this out on your own...and I tried that, with my situation, being rational, but it didn't work...and I finally got a lawyer. And all I have to pay is court costs (about $300, when I can...) because it's part of the lawsuit that the defendant pays all of my court fees, as well...and if your ex has all of the money, then it sounds like he can pay, as well. Besides, the split in assets sounds incredibly unfair, and to negotiate, a lawyer can help you understand the law & get you the support that you need...and better than that, be the strongest person who is on *your* side.

I'd also look into whatever social services you can get...my sister gets WIC for her & her daughter.

 

[Hypancistrus]

As far as school goes, if you fill out a FAFSA, given your financial circumstances, I bet the government would cover you with subsidized loans.

And yeah... sounds like it's time to get a lawyer if the ex is thinking this is the "fair" way to divide assetts.

 

[susang]

Agree get a lawyer, fill out as soon as possible after FAFSA Jan 1, 2008, you can do it online you must first get a pin number which you can also do online. While grants and loans may be available to you for the remainder of this year, applying early for the 2008-09 school year may get you more for next year. Look into student family housing, it is very affordable and not the ghetto. Apply for public aide, not only will they help you stay in school, they can usually help against your daughters Dad.
I was a single parent with three children, I can't say it will be easy, because it won't. I was in the middle of nursing school and I did get a min. wage job and live in a ghetto to finish school.
I'm very sorry for you, for any woman in this situation. I don't mean to sound cheesey but: look ahead and not behind and dont' be afraid to take the first step.

 

[tricksterpup]

Ok before we get into this deeper. Were you legally Married?

 

[susang]

Not that I know but it doesn't sound that way, which would negate any community property.

 

[Fizzlefry22]

I'm very sorry for you, for any woman in this situation.

Let's not forget single Dads too. It can happen to us men as well. I put my ex through college with the 'agreed' upon intent of me going back to school when she had a degree and could, in turn, support the family while I did so. The day she got her degree she bounced. We were never married, but everything that I did during those 5 years of our relationship was with the intent of us doing so. I bought a house, cars for us, took care of all the daycare..etc. I worked my fanny off... all knowing that in a few years her 'better' job would make it easy for her to support us during my schooling. That never happened. When she left, I was stuck with ALL the bills. So ya, I still have the house and the cars (We were never married so she wasn't entitled). I ALSO have 50/50 custody of our son (Yes, I got an attorney and filed.) and no...I didn't take child support.

I still have to work my tail off to make it all happen. I haven't gotten to go back to school and most likely won't. Through hard work and never giving up, I've gotten myself to a point where I make a decent living. One that provides a good life for my son and I. I've since found a great woman. Once whom both my son and I love and adore. So things are getting easier but it's still hard to allow myself to lean on someone else.

So hang in there. It's not an easy road, but it is a doable one.

/end-of-sob-story

:cheers:

 

[Fizzlefry22]

Ok before we get into this deeper. Were you legally Married?

I was wondering the same thing as well. Regardless of that, I would hope that he would still allow them to live in the house until they could get into another home. Unless there were issues of safety, in which case it's a whole other story, it would be the 'right' thing for him to do. Despite whatever has happend between them...there are still children (with no say in the issue) to consider.

 

[susang]

Jon, I'm really sorry for not saying single parents in general. I will say when I went back to school I saw many single parents of both sexes and it was the guys who had it harder. Sexism in the reverse if you ask me, as if guys could go to school, provide day care, work two jobs instead of one.

Mommy of 2 I'm sure all of us who have been through would like to paint a pretty picture for you, but if you want to continue school, it is hard work with few if any perks, only the satisfaction of knowing you did it.

 

[Cflaguy]

Consult a lawyer....

I don't know the law in Illinois but it either has no common law or 4 years more than likely isn't long enough to apply as common law. You say daughter's father but two kids. All you could get (if no common law marriage) is child support for his biological child.

Good luck with the finances. I won't say how much I made this year but it was enough to be comfortable. Or it should have been. After deductions I lost $11,000, And with a new baby and a wife who can't work; well I ate peanut butter & Jelly for dinner some nights.

The best to ya.

 

[mommyof2]

Wow, thanks for all the replies. To answer some of the questions(the rest I can answer tomorrow when I'm more awake), no we weren't legally married, just together, and yes I'm staying at the house until I can afford to get out on my own...that's not to say the stay has been pleasant thus far! I think I'll be talking to an attorney as soon as I can afford one. I hope to at least get child support. Again thanks for the replies everyone! You're all a great help! I'll be able to write more tomorrow.

 

[Cegninedorf]

I think I'll be talking to an attorney as soon as I can afford one.

It didn't cost me anything to talk to two attorneys, to figure out my situation...at least, call & then ask if there is an initial consultation fee. My thought is that there isn't one because they haven't decided if they want your case yet, so it doesn't hurt to just call & see...and the sooner, the better, overall for your children. Think of them first & I'm sure that you'll find it easy to make the call.

(If you're not sure *who* to call, then apply for social services, at least WIC, and ask there who they recommend...they should have references for you.)

 

[Susan]

An additional note...If you're not getting child support from the father of your second child, you had better start asking for that as well.

 

[Nanci]

Good luck. Definitely pursue child support. I went through college on grants as a single parent. Guess what- I didn't feel guilty at all. I'd paid a ton of taxes before then, and certainly have after then! The government more than got their money's worth out of me. I was lucky that I had parents and and aunt and cousin to help out when things were really bad. I chose to get a two year degree in a job that paid well right out of school. Sometimes you have to do what makes money, not what is fun/what you love, for the short term, anyway.

Isn't the delayed tax thing only if you file that alternative minimum tax?

 

[mommyof2]

Isn't the delayed tax thing only if you file that alternative minimum tax?

That I did not hear. I have new hope now...I don't even know what alternative minimum tax is, so I'm pretty sure I'm not filing it:shrugs:. I have a 5 yr old and a 2 year old(the one from this last relationship). The 5 yr old's dad is worse off than me, but he does what he can when he can financially. I have the kids on medicaid already, but foodstamps will take 30-45 days(or so they tell me) and since I'm still living here, the household income is too high to get cash assistance(and I won't be getting much as far as food goes either until I'm out of here). I've been looking for a week now for a job, but the only place I've found is McDonald's. I've been out of work for way too long. My sister just helped my write my first resume and cover letter the other day, but with no work experience in so long, I am not too optimistic.

The good news is(yes, there's good news!) that I'd just bought a male mouse to add to the 3 females I already had and all 3 females are now pregnant! I also have enough bedding to last the snakes and mice about a month, maybe a little more. So that's less I have to worry about(and thankfully it means I'll be able to afford to keep the snakes...at least for a little while). Thanks again for all the support everyone!

 

[Cflaguy]

Consult H&R Block as well...

I am having a brain fart but I know when I went back to school in 99 there is a tax you can get as a freshman and sophomore (can't remember the name), at least $1500 no questions asked. If you owe of course, they take it out of the $1500. As a junior and senior (or beyond) you can apply for a lifetime student tax exemption. Less but it helps.

 

[susang]

I hate to put a damper on this, but if he did all the earning, how are you planning on getting any of the tax money. Did I miss something? I understand you can file jointly and he is probably using both kids and you as deductions. While you have to sign any refund check, if he is filing jointly, he doesn't have to file jointly just to use you as dependents.
If you are planning on moving, you may have to consider your pets sooner then later. This all sucks but so many places won't allow animals especially exotics. It's good your mice are breeding, but you have to feed them.
What are you going to school for, is it possible you could get a paid internship in your field? You could also apply for jobs on campus and day care on campus, again like I said family student housing. If you're going to a junior college, you may consider changing to have some of these other benefits.

 

[Cflaguy]

Her first two years of school....

she can get the $1500 no questions asked. Of course after she gets to working things can change as to how much she gets back. I owed my Sophomre year $300 and got $1200.