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A little story.. : )

Pet Corn Snake

Pet Corn Snake

New member
Well i know some of you like to read, i dont dislike reading but i dont love it, i can manage forums lol :p

I love to write little storys somtimes there sick, somtimes there funny!

this is one of my mixed storys, i wanted to share with you guys, all my little storys are made up, please feel free to comment on them as i post them here!! : )

AbiGails Dolly - By George.


“MUMMY MUMMY GET ME THAT ONE!!”

“ Its Christmas Next Week Darling, We Shall Have To see What Santa Brings You”

“ Okaaaaaaay”


One Week Later - Christmas

Wake Up Abigail, Its Christmas,

Did He come mummy? Did he? Yes, Yes he did darling.. Come on lets see what he brought you…

Oh mummy look Santa herd me, he got my the dolly, I will call her Lucy! She Is my best friend!!

That’s Great baby, that’s really great!




14 years later

(Abigail, well she is now 20, still living at home, and has a loving boyfriend, her mother sadly was murdered, and her father was a alcoholic, beat her up and then killed himself last year)



Darling, I keep having nightmares, I cant sleep and I’m really weak, Ive always held back from talking to you about this, because I felt you would feel I’m insane, sometimes I wonder myself, I cant hold back anymore dear, I need to tell you this..


When I was 6 year old, my mother spent all her money on a doll for me, it ment the world to me, Lucy I named her, she was my best friend, that was untill night time, in the day, Lucy was cudly, she would make me warm and sleepy, but at night, in the dark, when my mother insisted I turned the lights off, Lucy would talk to me, she told me, when she was a little gurl, her father would hurt her, make her do things she didn’t want to do, and it hurt her, she said when she hurts me, it was not because she hated me, but because she needed to get revenge so she can rest in peace, one day, I woke up, I was sat in a pool of blood and there she was my mother, now I know deep down I never did it, it was Lucy who framed me, but can you explain that to my father? every night for years I got wiped and wiped I got burnt and whatever he could do to make me suffer, he would..


What I have just told you, I don’t want you to think I’m crazy, Lucy come into my dreams last night, told me she was coming for me, told me however many times I buried her or cut her up, she would always return, so now my dear dear lover, I take this knife, and please do not stop me from ending my life, as I cannot bare to go through another day of paranoia and especially another day of pain..

“Abigail killed herself that night, and Her Boyfriend was put in jail for 5 years after that he would suffer the chair, for no-one believe his story”
 
That's disturbing...but creative. Polished up, it would be very...interesting. But still disturbing. Kind of like Twilight Zone.

Nanci
 
Yea lol, i always like to write really disgusting or disturbing story's for some reason ROFL, and thanks for the nice comments, :p i will write more for this thread in the days to come lol
 
haha yea :p i'm not that happy with the story tbh, today i read it, and its more rushed then anything =/ working on a nice little story now : P
 
Wow that's great George!! Looks like one of those little short stories you read in those books. It's called like Scary stories or something. (Basically a bunch of scary stories in one book, totally different ones doesn't they don't flow.)
 
Nice story, George. It sounds like you are imaginative. :) If you'd be interested in posting your stories for others to read more often, a few little improvements could be made to grammar/punctuation to make the story flow a little easier, but that's up to you. I'm just trying to be helpful. :) As a writer myself, I always appreciate feedback ;)
 
just did this little one, nothing special but its not too bad, i have an obsession with drawing and writing, i generally draw the most desturbing things, but some i would not be able to put on here + i have no scanner, so you guys get my stories instead :p


The Ring Of A Double life.


They Said he was a really nice man, a man who would help you, help you if you ever needed anything, he had a loving family and a massive house, I think it was jealousy that finally got that man locked up, People knew deep down, he was just like his family, mother claimed to be into dark magic, and was burnt alive, and his father killed everyone that was involved in her murder then took his own life, he was sent to live with his aunt, she was a relatively normal lady, nothing like her sister of course, so he grew up in the opersit direction that his parents had planned, spells, curses and basic chants were all left behind for him by his father, he said he would know what to do with them if he ever needed to use them!

After many years of hunting the man, a Hunter finally found him, and locked him up, he was buried alive with guirds on his watch 24/7 he was chained up, and had spells all around his tomb so that he would not be able to leave, not when the evil spirits within them spells could see him, for many years the man sat there, thinking and thinking, he did not want to hurt anyone, but as he was in there longer, his mothers side of the family started to show, he used an old neckless his father gave him, removed the Gem from it, then using his fingernails, he scraped bits of the wall, he used the chains to shape the stone and he added the gem to it, after weeks of bleeding fingers, and bloody sweet, starvation and the dehydration he was too weak to enchant the ring, he used ever last bit of energy, knowing he only had enough energy to cash the spell once he thought about it a lot, and for the first time, he cast the spell, as the ring started to glow, he felt the only thing that was keeping him going leaving his body, the magic was draining from him, and instead of a ring to help him get out, it become a ring that would separate you from the world to the other side,

Speaking to his mother and his father was a big thing for him, they all diecided they would use all there power to break the spirit spells, and so they did, killing everyone in his way, he become a very hunted killer! So, with his parents help, he would kill familys draining there souls, killing there children, and becoming stronger, he made a small army with the children, as he knew, when they were in normal form, everyone would stop and help a inocent child, take them home, feed them, and then the children could whipe out the whole familys, he was a smart man, that was untill he tried to kill his little son, his son was too strong with love for him, and that night, no-one will really know what happened, not even me, I’m his son…

George
 
Wow slap some butter on you because you are on a roll!!! I think you are a great writer!!

Keep up the good work George!
 
why would he need butter if he's on a roll he'd have to be a roll to need butter but he's on a roll so he should be the butter
 
tanner123 said:
why would he need butter if he's on a roll he'd have to be a roll to need butter but he's on a roll so he should be the butter
Click to expand...

Ha Ha, ok that took me a while to get but yeah. I knew the saying was something like that, thanks for correcting me!
 
Another good story, George. It was kinda confusing in the beginning but turned out to be a good story. You should be like that Edger Allen Poe guy that we read in school.
 
It's a good story. Keep it up and maybe you can get published.

A personal note: Your age is stated as 14 and you seem to be into the darker side of nature, at least with your writings. Have you thought on where this comes from.

At 14, I was reading Agatha Christie, AA Fair and other murder myster writers alone with Edgar Allen Poe, Mary Shelly who wrote "Frankenstein" (yes, a woman wrote that) and others. But I don't think I could have written anything like your last two stories.

Yep, keep up the good work. Remember, language skills is most important to a writer.
 
i can proudly wear all black and gothy things, listen to rock music, draw people being killed, raped, write stories about things, because when i was little and my mum and dad were together, my father didnt acsept any of that, i was just the little blonde kid, now, my mum acsepts me for watever i want to dress like, and i get bullied alot at school, witch forses me to hurt other people, sounds strange i know, so instead of bullying others i try and put all my anger into pictures and drawings..

:p there not that good tbh, i mean i just write down blah blah blah.. i'm working on a story, based on Some kids who aint acsepted in modern life, so basically they go on a killing spree, will be named "The OutCast(s)"
 
I don't mean to come across as unsupportive, George, but these are disturbing themes. If my child was drawing rape scenes, and writing stories that indicated a morbid obsession with death and murder, I'd get help for him. Sometimes people who suffer from these obsessions start blurring the lines between their fantasies and reality. Guys like Stephen King apparently kept to one side of the line, but for every Stephen King, there are probably hundreds or thousands of incarcerated or institutionalized (or executed) people who couldn't keep the boundaries straight.

Also, there are ways of exploring these themes without resorting to "in-your-face" shock value. If you don't feel that bullying, rape, and murder should be glorified, then don't do it in your writing. If you feel that they SHOULD be glorified, then seek help.

I think it may be best for you to tone down your literary submissions in this forum. I'm not saying that you've crossed the line... yet, but I'd like to warn you before you head in that direction. One of the most critical considerations for an author is to know his audience. Here, you have corn snake enthusiasts of all ages and sensibilites. Maybe you could re-direct your creative impulses toward stories that would appeal to the group as a whole. How about a Damien escape adventure, written from his perspective?

Please give this post some thought, my friend.
 
Thank you roy, i shall stop posting the desturbing things, and if you want you may delete this thread.. but, what you said, i agree, i dont ever see myself raping anyone, or killing anyone, i'm not that kind of person, i just like to make people think that what they are reading is eather scary or desturbing, with my pictures, like i say, ill draw anything to be honest, if i'm angry, and i have a pencil and paper.. i dont think i need help, i think i need to help myself, getting a education in video editing or acting would mean alot too me, working with horror films would be a dream, i crave the shock facter, ill watch as many horrors as i can just for that feeling of the shock.. and to give that feeling to other people through video, tv, or stories is my intentions! so, i'm sorry, i just thought there might be one or two interested in my storys, witch there were, but i see your point, this is a snake forum.

thank you.
 
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