Funny E-mail (Political)

[Joejr14]

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraqi regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2 Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

 

[CHARMER]

It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

NOOOOO!!!!!!!

On a more serious note: I think it is scary, not necessarily funny and the sad thing is that I would not be surprised to hear this on this news someday.

But I guess it being actually plausible is what makes it so funny. :grin01:

 

[Joejr14]

If I heard that word for word, I would be thrilled. The UN is a joke as are countries like France and Germany, and I wouldn't be upset if we left NATO as well.

The US is in an eternal win/lose situation as far as most everything political goes. We give money, countries complain that it's not enough. We supply AIDS drug cocktails to people in Africa and it's not enough. We should always be doing more.

IMO, it's definitely time to pull in the reigns some and take care of the problems at home.

 

[Rorryy]

I absolutely love it. Pass it on.

 

[Susan]

AMEN! We were isolationists before, it's about time to do it again. And you forgot to mention, all immigration will cease and we will be thoroughly checking all green cards to see who will stay and who will not. Anyone wishing to emigrate or is just plain unhappy about the new changes, please leave quickly and don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out. And for those who have already said they wouldn't stay if such-and-such happened, but still haven't left yet, you have 48 hours to pack.

 

[Serpwidgets]

I agree that the people who said "if such and such happens I'm leaving" should make good on their promise and gtfo, I won't miss them one bit. But I don't agree with "this is America and if you don't like it, leave." If that's valid, it also applies to the people who thought slavery was immoral and wanted to abolish it, the women's suffrage movement, all constitutional amendments, and also all of the civil rights movements that happened in the 20th century, to name a few. :eek1:

I don't have much of a problem with isolationism, but seeing how good any government is at "solving" problems, I'd much rather they focus their efforts on "solving" problems elsewhere in the world. :grin01:

 

[Susan]

But I don't agree with "this is America and if you don't like it, leave." If that's valid, it also applies to the people who thought slavery was immoral and wanted to abolish it, the women's suffrage movement, all constitutional amendments, and also all of the civil rights movements that happened in the 20th century, to name a few. :eek1: QUOTE]
All of those things were accomplished by people who were willing to fight for what they believed in. Most of the time, they did it within the limits of the law. I'm referring to those people who do nothing but complain about how America stinks and yet do nothing BUT complain. And some of the comments from these people (as well as certain acts by some people), and I hear them daily on the news, either border on or are out-right treasonous.

And since you mentioned slavery, if I hear one more African American (or whatever they call themselves nowadays) moan and groan about how miserable they are and that the Caucasian populace should give them a home and all the money they want just because they think they deserve it because of slavery, I think I'll punch them right in the nose! Last time I read a history book, slavery was abolished during the Civil War. I don't own any slaves. I don't know of anyone who owns a slave. I have never heard of anyone living that has been, or is, a slave. Now why do I have to pay, via my tax dollars, to compensate for something that no longer exists? Many of the programs in this country to help people, of ALL races, need to be completetly over-hauled. If you want to get something in this country, you have to work for it like the rest of us. Don't expect it to be served to you on a silver platter anymore. And if there is any REAL discrimination in this country, it is towards the adult white male. My husband has been turned down for promotions, for new jobs, for loans, etc. NOT because he was not qualified, capable, or had tenure, but simply because he wasn't a "minority" (and that includes being female). We got our loan the second time around ONLY because we put MY name first. Nothing else had changed in our equity, income or rating.

But you've gotten me ranting, and that's not good.

 

[Duff]

Totally agree, rant on :bowdown:

 

[Taceas]

Amen, Susan.

We only got our mortgage on our new home because MY name went on the documents before his. And he's the one with the $80,000/year salary and I'm the stay-at-home housewife. Go figure.

I'm not meaning this to be rude, but I'd really like to stop the whole Hyphenated Labeling. For me, to be a true African-American, that means you'd have to have immigrated from an African country to the good ole US-of-A. Black people born here are not African-Americans, I'm sorry. It'd be like me walking around saying I'm European-American. Well no duh, I'm white, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed.

We are all Americans!!!

Having pride in your heritage is one thing. But to separate yourself with a new label from the rest of the population is, IMHO, taking a step backwards from all of the rights and priveledges from blood, sweat, and tears that those before you fought so vehemently for.

Affirmative Action really chaffed my arse the wrong way in college. Going through the beginning paperwork and seminars with a black 24 year old single-mother of 4. She got a full-ride scholarship to a Big Ten University for a variety of things. Me, I was lucky to squeak by with a $3000 scholarship from the UMWA.

She was enrolled in the same English Lit class I was in first semester. But you know what, she didn't last 2 months before she dropped out. All of that "free ride money" gone to waste. My parents had to take an extra mortgage out on their home just to pay for my first year.

It's been shown time and again, when people are handed everything to them, they simply don't appreciate all that went into it. But if you have to work hard for it to happen, they appreciate it so much more.

Which kind of gets back to my whole view about our current war. If they Iraqis want freedom and democracy so much, why not show it and help win the fight? The way its going the war will be "over", we'll pull out, and some new extemist leader will come into power all over again. Sheep will always be sheep, dare to be different, be a Big Horn Sheep.

I don't necessarily want to be part of an Isolationist government. I think we can do a lot of good in the world. But first we need to stop this arrogance movement and lack of respect for other people. If you show respect, you get respect in return. One of the simplest morals that I learned in elementary school.

I'd rather all of our hard-earned tax dollars be spent to teach people in Africa sustainable farming practices, so that these ever present famines stop happening, and whacked governments taking advantage of the desperate situation. Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he'll be fed for a lifetime.

- I don't hate all Muslims for what atrocities that a few of their extremist followers do. I don't blame them for being mad about the Mohammed cartoons. But when they stop using blind violence to be heard, maybe the world will give them more credence and respect. Muslims in England managed to protest peacefully.

- I don't hate all black people for a few idiots who can't pull up their pants with a belt, or forget to take a pick out of their hair, or learn how to speak English properly. I don't owe them anything. 5 generations ago my family came from Germany, I've no history in slavery. The only thing I have to my name is discharge papers from the Union Army for one of my relatives who fought in the Civil War. Who owes who?

- I hate obstinate ignorance, lack of respect, and inappropriate violence. While I love my country...our values and beliefs should NOT be forced down the throat of other countries. They're going to have to learn to appreciate all that we take for granted on their own time frame. Customs and religions take a while to morph into something that can work in modern society. It doesn't happen overnight.

- I hate lazy people. If you want to get ahead in this world, you do it through your own hard work and fortitude, like everyone else. Someone being promoted because they're black doesn't serve any purpose. Promote them for their work ethic, not the color of their skin. If you want to live off Welfare because you're too stupid to figure out how a condom works, 9 times...move to Sweden. They have the best socialistic health care available.

There...I've said enough for now. =P

 

[Serpwidgets]

But you've gotten me ranting, and that's not good.

Heh heh. I avoid the news/media like the plague, along with the rest of TV.

I just find it amusing that the original email can be summed up as, "we don't like the way things are being done, but we're not going to get out, nope, we're going to make all of these changes, and after all of these changes are made, if someone else doesn't like the way things are being done, they should get out." :grin01:

If you want to get something in this country, you have to work for it like the rest of us. Don't expect it to be served to you on a silver platter anymore.

I couldn't agree more. I'm rather sick of the "I want, therefore I deserve" attitude that seems to become more common, and more acceptable, every day. uke01:

 

[ghosthousecorns]

I disagree with a great deal of what has been posted so far.
U.S. is a democracy right? So you can't just say 'if you don't like it, get out' to everybody that doesn't agree with you. If you really want to do this the American way, gather enough signatures and get the 'Unamerican citizen eviction act' on the ballot. Otherwise live and let live!
Unless you have Native American blood your ancestors were immigrants once, just like those trying to get in the country today. I'd be the first one in line protesting if the armed forces were being used to guard the Mexican border, that's the wrong way to solve the immigration problem. What are you going to do, shoot everybody who tries to get in?
I'd love to see some input in this thread from other CS members who are minorities or from other countries. I'm Hispanic if you hadn't guessed it by now.

 

[Tom Tuttle]

Don't Hunt with Dick!!

:-offtopic I'm just happy I don't hunt with politicians! Especially Buckshot Cheney! :twoguns: :sidestep: :flames:

 

[CHARMER]

:-offtopic I'm just happy I don't hunt with politicians! Especially Buckshot Cheney! :twoguns: :sidestep: :flames:

........ :roflmao: .........

But as for what shed'n my skin was saying, I would have to primarily support her side on this. I think it is a very sensitive subject though and I would really not like to become involved but the scale seems a little unbalanced at the moment. I don't like the fact that our troops are over there but I also don't think it should be "our way or the highway". I feel that idea is a bit narrow-minded. And I think there are better ways to deal with national and international issues. I would not consider myself hispanic because I have more "European" blood than not (Irish, German, Spanish and Chilean) and I am fairly "liberal" I guess. Politics can be so sticky though.

Can't we all just get along!

 

[manog]

What are you going to do, shoot everybody who tries to get in?

Yes. I live in San Diego and i see the threat that our wide open border poses. i attended a seminar last month where a doctor spoke about 23 diseases that were known to have been irradiated from the U.S. but now have been popping up in border cities in California, Arizona, and Texas. Small Pox, Polio, and other highly contagious diseases. That is just one aspect of the whole thing. There are 30,000 criminals, most from Mexico, that are hiding in Mexico from crimes that they committed here. Their government protects them from justice by not signing the extradiction act. They simply come here, commit crimes, and leave as they please. I'm not a native American. But the fact that my ancestors came here and went through the legal process, fought in wars, and continue to contribute to society gives me the right to scream foul!!!!! I'm all for legal immigration, come enjoy our beautiful country, bring with you your culture but do it the right way. Are people who are carrying the next epidemic, or bringing tons of drugs and weapons to give to thugs, or crossing to commit heinous crimes worth shooting at? ABSOLUTELY!

 

[Roy Munson]

i attended a seminar last month where a doctor spoke about 23 diseases that were known to have been irradiated from the U.S.

I sure hope you meant "eradicated." :grin01:

 

[ghosthousecorns]

manog, not every immigrant is a disease ridden, murderous criminal as you seem to feel. You'd really shoot them all on sight? Would you also shoot those escaping persecution in their native country who have been turned down after applying for political asylum?
I suppose it would be a quicker death that dying in the desert somewhere after being abandoned without water or a map by a greedy 'coyote'. Perhaps also a better death than being tortured and mutilated by some extreme right-wing organization in the country you're trying to escape from.
I grew up in the third world. One of my childhood memories is of a burned village. The indigenous Maya who lived in it 'were disappeared' (it is a common enough occurence to have become a verb). Twenty years later they are still finding mass graves all over the place in Guatemala and El Salvador. These people deserved better.
Have you ever been anywhere besides the U.S.?
Here's an article I thought describes the current immigration scenario very accurately:
http://www.rockymountainbullhorn.com/main.php?module=article-detail&articleId=486

 

[manog]

Actually, I lived in the Philippines for two years straight. Yes a country that has a strong spanish background like the ones you speak of. I ate with the people, lived with the people, spoke their language, contributed lots and took very little, and saw the hardships that people who live in a corrupt third world country go through. I know that not every immagrant that crosses over is a desease ridden crimanal. I have known many good people who have come over illegally. But how do we just stop the bad ones and not the good? How do we decide who is a murderer and who's not? There has to be rules and they have to be inforced. Would i love to see all the woderful people that i grew to love come to America? Yes. Political assylum or not. If you aren't here legally than you have to leave.

 

[ghosthousecorns]

I agree that there is a problem.
But I don't think 'shoot them all' is the solution. After reading your second post I kind of think you probably didn't really mean that.
No we can't decide who is a murderer and yes there is a lot of bad that gets in with the good. This current immigration system is not working and beefing it up isn't the answer, It needs to be reformed. We keep on deporting, they turn around and come right back. For every tunnel we find there's probably ten more undiscovered ones. It's like we are trying to bail out a leaking boat with an eyedropper, and putting the military at the border to shoot illegals isn't going to stop them, just cause them to find safer ways in. I would rather see my tax dollars spent on coming up with a better solution.

 

[kimbyra]

I'm half Cherokee, so everyone not Native American - get out! :twoguns: ... just kidding. I'm also half Polish, so everyone else leave me the heck alone.
Okay, so I'm not serious. I'm a hard-working/lazy American. I hope y'all will just chill. Really, why have a contraversial topic and piss your online friends off. We could discuss (on a herp forum), politics, sex, religion, global warming, welfare, men abandoning women with babies, immigration, plagues... but I think their are other forums that do just that. But go ahead if you want to... start a'hollerin.
Cheers.

 

[ghosthousecorns]

Actually I am amazed so far this has been a very good discussion with no flaming.
Any other forum I'd be reading 'Dumbocraps' 'Warmonger' and all sorts of other insults being flung around. Of course not here.
I didn't start this thread but I kind of felt strongly about the topic, and had to put in my .02...but again I am impressed at the maturity level here.