I was going to use my mod prerogative and lock this thread, but I don't want anyone to think I'm angry, or to think that I'm abusing mod functions to sway discussions on critically important topics such as this one.
Having said that, I would advise people to be very careful about creating threads with other members as the subjects. I'm a wonderful person, and a heckuva nice guy, so I'm fine with being the butt of jokes. But not everyone is fine with it...
George, you'll never get within 500 miles of my fingernails. This may not seem fair considering that Elle has an open invitation to interact with my dainty hands at her leisure, but that's just the way it's gotta be. :grin01:
Roy's Secrets to Great Nails
1.
Nutrition. Nutrition is crucial. A diet rich in processed beef jerky products and Dr. Pepper will yield optimal results.
2.
Gene Therapy. If you were born with the CG6xq mutant gene in homozygous state as I was, then you are already enjoying the 10x boost in collagen formation that this gene prompts. Clip your nails on Monday, and they're a quarter inch by Wednesday. If you were not blessed with the CG6xq gene, you will have to consult a qualified genetic therapist and ask for it by name. Tell them that Roy sent you.
3.
Clipping Frequency. Only clip when necessary. A good benchmark: when they're too long to display in person, or on an internet message board, it's time to clip.
4.
Compulsive Disorders. Obsessive hand washing and great nails go together like Doritos and cream cheese. If your hands are free of raw, chapped, dessicated flesh, then you aren't washing enough. Remember, even when your hands look clean, they're really horribly, disgustingly filthy.
