S.O's feelings with animals/pets

[o7sugar]

Ok, so I was wondering what others have done especially when there significant other does share the same feelings towards animals/pets. I'm saying this because if it were not for my hubby I would defiantley be getting at least two snakes this summer, not just one. I would love to possibly get into breeding them. I've also wanted to breed parakeets, and I would have at least one or two dogs by now. He always says, "I don't want a zoo" but the most that we've ever had in the house was fish, a small parrot, and a dog. That pretty much seemed his limit because everytime I mentioned getting something else he brought up the zoo comment. I was wondering especially what other woman do when there husbands feel this way (hopefully there are other ones on here in the same sort of situation.) I know some woman who are like, "oh I just bring whatever home and he eventually gets over it..." well that is NOT my husband. If I ever did that he would make me return it. So any positive ways to go around it or look at it would be greatly appreciated. Just for an example to, I was like ooooo look honey there are so many varieties and it would be really cool if I could get into breeding. So he says, " I don't want a room full of snakes" so than I said it wouldn't be a roomfull, it would maybe only be a wall because you can keep them in a rack system!! Than of course he said, "well, I don't want a wall full either, and I told him it wouldn't be a whole wall and it looks really nice! I even offered to show him some pics of some rooms, where you really wouldn't know the room had snakes in it unless you knew about snakes and rack systems. His comment?? "We're not going to breed snakes" HUMPH!!!!So that's the little rundown.
-Nicole-

 

[ceduke]

I'm going to have to put my foot down with my husband at some point. He doesn't want to add any more, but soon we'll be in a place where they can have their own room where he never has to see them and I'll be earning all of the money that will pay for their care.

So I empathize, and I don't look forward to the conversation that's coming in a few months. The way he acts about it makes me feel like I'm a child and he's trying to "parent" me at times...but we're both adults now and we need to compromise...which means I'll never have my "in a perfect world" snake room, but I WILL have the flexibility to add a new snake from time to time.

Edit: I want to add that his reasons for not adding any more *right now* are sound, but I know he's going to try to drag that out once they no longer apply...

 

[desertanimal]

No offense, but if my wife ever shut me down like that, unwilling to even have a conversation about something I was expressing interested in doing, or I her, well . . . there'd be bigger problems to deal with than how to get my next snake.

Good luck.

 

[ceduke]

No offense, but if my wife ever shut me down like that, unwilling to even have a conversation about something I was expressing interested in doing, or I her, well . . . there'd be bigger problems to deal with than how to get my next snake.

Good luck.

Agreed 150%...

 

[desertanimal]

But to answer your question, my wife doesn't like the snakes that much because they don't interest her and she doesn't like the smell of them. She doesn't dislike them, she'd just rather never smell them, and she'd rather use the space they take up for something else. We have a small house--there's nowhere for them to be other than our office, where we spend most of our time. Because we don't have a lot of extra cash and because we don't have much space, I limit my collection to what I really want, and then we talk about how many snakes that is and how much that will cost to maintain. I am usually pretty reasonable with my own self-imposed limits, such that she usually finds them acceptable from the start. But if she doesn't, we talk about it and come up with a compromise.

Every year I even produce a clutch or two and it drives her a little crazy having baby snakes all over the place, but I try to sell them quickly and she knows how much I enjoy that part of keeping them and I don't think she'd ever say I could do it. I could imagine her asking me to keep it to only one clutch until we have more space. If she did, I would.

 

[Shiari]

My S.O. made a compromise with me, because I have so many: I can buy a new one if an old one goes. This works for me right now because I have so very many excess males at this point in time.

It also keeps me from expanding past the point of sanity, which is very easy to do with these lovely critters.

 

[o7sugar]

I agree with what you both are saying totally!!! I've even tried explaining to him that he doesn't have to like the same things I do, for me to be able to get something. He hasn't given me a reason why I can't do the things I've wanted to do as far as animals go--he just pretty much shoots it down

 

[Cattsy]

Well.... For my two cents

I married a man that didn't share my passion for animals, and in the end it was a big part of why we are now divorced. I tried everything, discussion, begging, bribery, and in the end, outright defiance (of course by the time I reached the outright defiance part there were bigger problems in the relationship and I just didn't care what he said anymore)

My animals are my life and my passion and I swore that never ever again would I be in a relationship with someone that didn't share that love and passion because I just *can't* live without them.

Good luck though... I understand all to well the struggle you're going through. I am so very thankful every single day for my fiance, he's just as animal crazy as I am. Granted there are times when I get a gentle "honey, are you sure that's a smart idea right now? don't you have enough on your plate?" but other than that he's right there with me.

 

[MysticExotics]

I can sympathize with you. My ex husband & I had similar issues. (Not why he's my ex, just one of the many reasons he wasn't the right fit for me.)
When I first started dating him, my roommate at the time wanted to get me a kitten for Christmas, & the ex went with me to the shelter to pick one out, & he's the one who talked me into bringing home two kittens, because "you can't leave the brother by himself". (Here I thought I had found a fellow anumal lover.) Later down the road, I found out he's not that into cats. (Apparently he didn't know we'd stay together, let alone get married.)
Fast forward to after we were married. I decided I wanted to get ferrets (I had them more than 15 yrs ago, & wanted to get back into them). Well, ferrets are almost as addictive as snakes...he kept telling me "no more". I reminded him that *I* was the one who cares for all of the animals, including the dogs, which were the only pets that he would claim-the rest were mine. I pointed out that he didn't even pick up dog poop, & told him "for every 6 months you don't pick up dog poop, I'm getting another ferret.." LOL He didn't like that idea..yet it still did not get him to clean up poop.
I guarantee he would be strongly against snakes.

I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, the ferrets & now snakes. I realize this likely limits my options in dating, finding someone who loves all of them like I do, but I'm ok with that. These animals are my babies, my priorities.

I hope that you & your husband can come to a compromise on this.
I do know how frustrating it can be. Try bartering with him...one of my ferrets I got because my ex wanted a new lawnmower, when we had a perfectly good one. I told him, if you get your new lawn mower, I get Ace. LOL-it worked.

 

[azhketh]

I have 2 dogs, 2 cats, the ferrets & now snakes. I realize this likely limits my options in dating, finding someone who loves all of them like I do, but I'm ok with that. These animals are my babies, my priorities.

Sometimes this worries me, finding someone willing to put up with my little zoo. I don't even bother telling my family about new acquisitions anymore because they just don't understand; I'm the only animal lover of the bunch. But then I look at my animals and realize there's just no way I can go back to being without animals. It's part of who I am, and any potential mate is just gonna have to love the zoo or at least learn to accept it. :crazy02:

 

[MysticExotics]

Sometimes this worries me, finding someone willing to put up with my little zoo. I don't even bother telling my family about new acquisitions anymore because they just don't understand; I'm the only animal lover of the bunch. But then I look at my animals and realize there's just no way I can go back to being without animals. It's part of who I am, and any potential mate is just gonna have to love the zoo or at least learn to accept it. :crazy02:

I hear ya on that! I make no apologies for the number of pets I have They are all well cared for. I do not feed cheap-my dogs eat Darwin's raw, & the only reason the cats don't get that, is because they refuse to eat it, but they do get the high quality food, & my ferrets are supplemented raw & whole prey.

I could not imagine my life without them. I get comments like "you're making it even harder for you to travel"..well, travel is not a priority. I'm a homebody, who would rather spend my time off with my creatures.
They're part of who I am, & have to be accepted as "part of the package" or no deal. LOL

 

[dionythicus]

I hate to say that I think the animal issue isn't the real issue.

 

[MysticExotics]

I hate to say that I think the animal issue isn't the real issue.

It wasn't with mine either

 

[Teddy Roosevelt]

It's not really any of my business, but if I were in your situation I would respect his wishes or find someone else. I'm sorry, but sharing a home is way different from casual dating, and if I was with someone who, say, wanted to have 6 dogs, even if we had the space and they would clean and care for them diligently, I still wouldn't stand for it because I don't particularly like dogs. I find them smelly and hyper active, and even if I could be convinced to compromise with one dog, it would still be a huge wedge in our relationship because I would still not like the one dog and the other person would still pine for the 6 dogs.

I think you should take your time building your collection, too. Breeding is a huge job, bigger than it sounds, and a lot of responsibility to take on. You have to first get the parent snakes to hook up, then monitor the female to make sure she is gravid, then, if she's gravid, you must buy an incubator with very specific requirements for humidity and heat and gently place any eggs she drops in it, while making she she doesn't become eggbound, and once the babies hatch you'll need to regularly clean, 2 - 30 containers including the parents' tanks at any given time, plus buy and thaw out all the food, keep track of who's eating and gaining weight and who's not, find everyone homes, and then you'll probably worry whether they went to good homes or not! Besides that, in a few months you may find snakes or animals you find more interesting. For example, when I first got into the hobby, my whole world was corn snakes. But after caring for one for quite some time, and checking out my friends' collections of varied reptiles, I've found that, while I love my current corn, I would never get one again as they're rather bland snakes in terms of personality and activity.

 

[Sweetseraph]

I'd have to agree that the snakes are not the issue. As such, it's probably actually better that you don't get them right now. If you get them, it will only cause fights and you may find yourself in a situation where your life changes drastically and you're unable to care for them for a bit anyways. (I don't know your financial situation, so maybe that wouldn't be an issue.) If you don't get them, I guess you need to ask yourself if you can live with that...

 

[SnakeAround]

My ex did nto want me to buy additional snakes, even if they fitted in the space I was already using. We split, and he himself acknowledged afterrwards that the resistance to it was caused by other frustrations towards me/trouble going on in our relationship. The love was not there anymore sufficiently. Of course, in your case it might be different, but it confirms what some others have said. With my recent boyfriend I agreed on using a certain area in the living room when I went to live with him, not a certain amount of snakes. Since he did not like the mix of wooden vivs I had back them, he offered (and paid) half of all the new HerpTeks I needed to rehouse them. He loves the way it looks now. When he met me and learned about the snakes, he had to get used to the idea at first, but with regularly telling him something about them and NOT forcing him to hold them up or help me with snake duties, he got to like them. Now, 3 years later, he even 'adopted' his 2 favorites, so he feeds and handles them regularly He also helps me out when I need a helping hand while cleaning, feeding, even administering medication or aspirating eggs!

 

[wretchedprocess]

I talk a lot about how I'm "on ban" right now, and my husband doesn't want me to get any more snakes at the moment. But I am lucky enough that he'll accept it if I *really* want to. He likes them all right, he just doesn't feel the same way about them that I do. But they're in my studio, and obviously I take care of them, and he doesn't have to think about it much at all. I think that helps.

He's not a Pet Person in general, but I had 4 cats when he met me, and he knew perfectly well that it was either accept them or not be with me, because damn it, they have seniority. I love my pets to death, and would *never* be willing to be without them. I have no desire to have more than 4 cats, and indeed would be lower than that if not for the circumstances of my acquiring the younger two (back in 2004-- it's not the same kind of addiction as corn snakes at *all*!). So we didn't have to deal with it until the snakes started showing up. But I think the cats set the tone for it-- I *am* going to have pets, and I am not only going to take care of them myself but also spoil the hell out of them, and all he has to do is put up with a few overly cuddly creatures and occasionally make a run for pet food after work.

N. is very reasonable, and we're both willing to compromise on the issue (for example, I would love to get 6 more corn snakes posthaste, but will be confining myself to a much lower number this year). So we're both very lucky there. If he tried to dictate to me what I could and could not do and wouldn't listen at all, then we would have A Problem, no matter what he was telling me that about. It sounds like your husband is a bit uptight, and honestly a bit disrespectful of your wishes. I hope something works out for you. Good luck!

 

[starsevol]

My husband is not an "animal person" either, but he really does like the rats. He would prefer that I didn't have the number of snakes that I have, but we have a pretty big house for just 2 people. He has "his" rooms in the house, and I have mine. I don't tell him what he can or cannot do with his space, and he does not tell me what I can or cannot do with mine.

We are going to Daytona this year. He knows I will most likely be coming back with something. He might whine a bit, but it's all good

 

[Dinah]

My husband and I differ at times on pets. Well our whole family LOVES having Zelda and we all like our cats, but he doesn't really care for dogs (he just doesn't find them to be particularly useful or interesting). But his feelings have never prevented me from having a dog. Obviously I do most of the heavy dog care. But my husband is very kind to Lady and he does a great job taking care of her whenever I have classes or travel. He was also very kind to my last dog Jester and he was very sensitive to how I felt when he passed away. I will be really honest I know that everyones relationship rules are unique to their relationship but I don't ask permission. I may choose to ask about his opinions or I might choose to discuss financial issues regarding pet additions, but I have never asked for permission. Likewise my husband does not need to ask my permission to run his life either. Obviously we are married because we care very much about each other and so that means how my husband feels about pets matters to me a lot, and I weigh his feelings very heavily, and I always try to make sure that nothing I do would make my husband miserable. He might not enjoy dogs in general but he is interested in my dog because she is mine. I may not typically be interested in the "magic" parts of how computers work but I can tell you the difference between a g wireless network and an n wireless network, because it is interesting to my husband, and since I am interested in him by default what he is interested in is also important to me. I have only been married for 8 years which isn't that long so any thing I say isn't exactly time tested or anything but so far all marital issues we have had can been to be solved by either
a.) Talking about it when we aren't mad.
b.) Deciding to swap sides for a week and to legitimately argue the other persons side for the week.
c.) A trip to home depot to install shelves or baskets or to buy a shed, or heck to remodel a room to make it work better for us. - This is actually the most successful option of the three so maybe try it first in this situation.

 

[snakemom1961]

When I was married my husband at the time didn't want any cats. Well I was on my way home from work one day and a little girl had a wagon with 5 kiitens in it. I couldn't pass that up and took one home. He really didn't say much, but I knew he wasn't really happy about it. He tolerated the cat well enough.
He knew I was and am an animal lover and knew if I wanted an animal there wasn't much he could say to stop me from getting it. Maybe that's why we aren't married any more....lol