I'm faced with a problem.

[Elusive]

My problem today is that i'm really confused, and sort of sad. I dont go to church ever, and i'm really unsure if any churches are true. I'm being pushed in all directions from family, friends, random people that show up on my doorstep, etc. My father, step-mother and sister are Mormon, and my Mom, step-dad, all my step-brothers and their side of the family are catholic.

A lot of kids at my school have come to realization that I dont go to any church, and my school is primarily mormon, and about everyone goes to seminary class. I've been told many times i'm going to Hell because I dont go to church, I've been told i'm a complete idiot for not believing the things they belive.

I belive there is a god, but personally, I dont see the need to prove that to him. I dont pray, I dont get dressed up on any day of the week to show that I belive in him. My family is pulling me in all directions and i'm really confused, and i've gone so far as to miss days of school because I get so sick with stress and depression.

My parents divorced when I was in the fifth grade, (four years ago) and ever since that i've been bottling up my feelings and i've been so uncomfortable of myself for a long time. Every other day I throw up from the stress. I've even seen a therapist, but he suggested that I should go to church with all my family and pray every night. That didn't go over so well.

I've been moving back and forth from California to Utah for the last four years, i've been traded off by my Dad and Mom because that was their deal, I would go to school in one state for one year then I would go to school the next year in the other state. Its really hard to start all over and get new friends, my grades used to be really good, 3.5 GPA and up, now its a struggle to get it passed 2.7. I've had many friends and a lot of the time it seems like i'm a totally normal kid that is totally happy with life. Then I end up with those days that is like a train wreck. I'm so glum and everyone is worried about me, I get really sick and really angry. I get really bad asthma attacks and I've ended up in the hospital many times. One time was so bad I had to be airflown to a different hospital and have a tube down my throat.

I've tried to distract myself from my problems with video games, friends, family, pets, anything else that is considered 'fun' and not depressing and sad.

I just needed a place to rant, and if you decided to give me some positive support please dont make this thread a debate about religion and such. It would make me feel even worst that I cause people to be angry about another person because they are fighting over something as personal as religion.

Thanks

 

[Eriathiel]

Well I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It isn't fair to you.

I'm going to start out by saying that I understand your frustration with people trying to push you one way or another concerning religion. I don't think that anyone should be forced or pushed to have faith in something. Thats the key to faith. You have to find it and keep it on your own. I come from what I lovingly nickname a "psycho Catholic" family and I certainly stand out when I refuse to go to church. My family is constantly bugging me about church. My own father has told me I'm going to hell. Catholicism isn't right for me. I won't go into a rant as to why here... but my main point is, that they should respect my feelings and beliefs as I respect theirs. If they want to be Catholic and that makes them happy, I'm happy for them. We may not agree but that doesn't make any of us wrong.

Moving like that can be VERY stressful. I understand that as well. I moved 8 times between 6th and 12th grade. I don't think it's fair to you to have to switch every year. And if things continue the way they are with your grades and such, I wouldn't be surprised if your parents let you pick where you would like to stay during the school year. I think it would be a good idea to talk to them about an arrangement like that (I'm sure you have, but it may take a while to get the point across that this arrangement works for THEM - but not for YOU. This is your life).

I will also say that if you aren't happy with your therapist - then ask to change. Its ok to not like that person or not "click" with them. I went through 2 therapists before I settled on the third. But from what it sounds like, you should seek some sort of help - some outlet other than video games and pets and such. Those things can be great but therapy can help you root out the problem and figure out what steps you want to take next.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[TandJ]

A lot of kids at my school have come to realization that I dont go to any church, and my school is primarily mormon, and about everyone goes to seminary class. I've been told many times i'm going to Hell because I dont go to church, I've been told i'm a complete idiot for not believing the things they belive.

You have company if thats the case.. Without a second of doubt, I don't believe we are alone, even if its not the God they think, is the right one. IMHO there is nothing wrong with believing in God, regardless of what people want to critisize you on or for.. That does not make you the idiot..

I belive there is a god, but personally, I dont see the need to prove that to him. I dont pray, I dont get dressed up on any day of the week to show that I belive in him. My family is pulling me in all directions and i'm really confused, and i've gone so far as to miss days of school because I get so sick with stress and depression.

I pray occasionally... I don't do the get dressed to the nines and go to church for a fashion show ( reminds me of the golden cow... ). Believe me, the world will pull you in all directions, and your going to want to miss work, because you get so sick of the people stressing you out and bringing you down.. I can relate..

I feel for you getting tossed around between Mom and Dad.. Thats never easy, and not a way a kid needs to grow up.. Of course your going to feel sick and angry.. Things would be different if things weren't so different .. So use your pent up frustration to forward yourself, and raise your own expectations about your own future and don't settle for what you have now.. Certainly your life is not what you want it to be, but turn it over and use what you have learned now to your advantage later..

I just needed a place to rant, and if you decided to give me some positive support please dont make this thread a debate about religion and such. It would make me feel even worst that I cause people to be angry about another person because they are fighting over something as personal as religion

I hope you found my response positive, and I agree with you. I hope people don't come to make it a debate.. God Bless you..


Regards.. Tim of T and J

 

[Elusive]

Thanks for the responces.

Eriathiel thank you for the positive support and you are familiar with the problems that I have.

TandJ thanks for the advice and you are great for helping me out with friendly words.

 

[danielle]

I come from a very religious family and do not believe in God, my opinion but sure it has caused discord and still every Christmas I get a bible from at least 3 family members. I took many theology classes and find the studies of various religions and how they became very interesting, but I feel religion is really just a way to make an unpredictable society personally accountable for their actions with the "your going to hell motto" Laws are broken frequently, and without a way to enforce every infraction religion does aid in placing the onus of morality on the followers. It sounds to me you want to live in one place and are conflicted about what religion you should identify with. I think you feel living with one parent means adopting their religious beliefs, but it doesn't. You are 14 and trying to find out who you are anyway and I could see the your parents pressuring you to choose now is hard. I also think your parents set you up with a religious psychiatrist thus being told to go to church and pray. Ask to see a normal therapist and express yourself. Seek within yourself what your beliefs are studying many religions and identifying with the one or lack of one that speaks to you. I know all about court orders but at your age most courts will allow you to decide which parent you want to live with and spend summers with the other; but don't base this decision on religious beliefs but who you WANT to spend the majority of your time with, where your core of real friends are, and at the school you are most comfortable in. Religious folks will always be your toughest judgemental peers and everyone thinks their religion is the only right one. However, if this is true than the vast majority of us are going to hell anyway. The morals you have learned will guide you. Be honest, loving, patient, thoughtful, and aware of your person and your person only. Life is short and you will never be able to please everyone so please yourself while being a giving, unselfish, and unjudgemental soul- those are the people who are truely righteous. It's not about the God you believe in or how often you attend church, but the way you live your life everyday. Is the man who drinks and beats his wife, but goes to church on Sundays a saint? Of course not! I treat people the way I would want to be treated, am honest, loving, thoughtful, kind, greatful, and an athiest. Not all god loving people are good just the same as not all athiests are bad or devil worshipers. At 14 life looks very one dimensional, but as you grow and seek yourself out you will see and understand dimensions you never knew existed. Tell your parents you are throwing up and having asthma attacks over the religious conflictions they brought upon you. Tell them it is hard to move around, and tell them you are hurting. They may not listen to you, but give them the chance maybe write a letter so they can't interrupt you, and see. Your not bad no matter what religion you identify with, religion is very personal and only a decision you can make. People will always find a way to judge you no matter what you do and the more people judging the more amzing you must be. People point fingers at those they wish they were more like remember that.

 

[Iguanagirl8662]

I have never been in your exact posistion but some what similar. All my family members are religious and I am not. I have my beliefs but I have no real religion and I don't belief that people need to go to church to belief or worship a god or gods. Since 9th grade I have been very depressed and as of 2 years ago I have developed very bad anxiety and stress levels. I get very sick, nausea, throwing up, shaking, chills, and have been in and out of the doctor and hospital and I get sad and angry for no reason. I want to see a therapist but my mother won't let me she swears it's physical but I have had many tests and the doctor can't find anything. It is very frustrating and at times makes me feel like I'm going insane. My grades have suffered greatly because of this and I barely leave my house because of it. Personally if I were you I would sit down and talk to your parents and explain everything to them, if that is to hard for you try typing out a letter explaining everything. I know dealing with parents most of the time they don't understand but it is worth a shot. I would also try another therapist, sometimes you have to go through a few before you find the right one. I really hope things start getting better for you because I know how hard it is and I hate seeing others suffering because I can relate and I know how much of a toll it takes on a person.

 

[wade]

Wow, John, I feel for you bud. I’m from Utah and not a Mormon so I know where you’re coming from there. My kids got picked on and discriminated against a lot going through school because they were not Mormons. It’s too bad some people feel like making others miserable is something god wants them to do.

I agree with Izzy, what you believe is something everyone needs to choose for themselves. Nobody should be in a position to tell you to believe this or you’re dumb.

You’re still young enough that you need to respect your parent’s wishes and at least listen to their advice. That makes it hard if you don’t like what you hear. You are old enough to know that what the kids at school say does not determine who you are or what you are. I know it’s hard but try really hard to not let their foolish ideas hurt you.

I liked the suggestion that you talk to your parents about changing schools every year. That’s not good. It would be nice if you could go to one school and them spend the summer with the other parent. Is that something they would be open to?

Tim’s Golden Calf statement was good too. I don’t think god give points for looking good in church. If there is a god I think he is smarter than that. What is in your heart counts for a lot more than the shine on your shoes.

You’re a smart guy John; you and I have talked enough I feel I can say that. Hang tough. Remember nobody but you decides what you’re worth. You chose for yourself to be happy or sad, don’t let others make that choice for you.

 

[TandJ]

Gees, a couple of you for sure bring me memories of my teenaged years.. I never had the anxiety problems, but the anger and saddness sure rings true.. Things do get better.. I swear it.. Of course I didn't realize that until I was half way through my twenties.. Not quite sure if I ever want to be a teenager again, its tough and its emotional...

Regards.. Tim of T and J

 

[TandJ]

Wade, this is one of these days where I really like you.. *lol* ... If I could rep you, I would.. Apparently I don't spread it around enough.. *LOL* Ah the old and wise asses.. Where would us youngings be without ya..


Regards.. Tim of T and J

 

[Elusive]

Thank you all for the awesome responces and advice, I'm doing my best in life and hopefully something will pop in that is wonderful. Egh, I just read finished my book, The Client by John Grisham. Wonderful book, I read 300+ pages today. My dad teased me that I should read the book of mormon, he said he has heard good things about it.

It never ends does it? Heh, in case I haven't said it before, thank you all for the awesome advice and positive responces.

 

[MinLynn]

I've been an agnostic since I was probably around your age. Mainly for the same things you are going through right now. I was pushed into beliefs by my family instead of being allowed to decide what I believe on my own. Matt and I always swore that because of the pressure it put on us when we were children, we would never push any kind of religion on our kids. We allow them to make those kind of decisions on their own. I just recently starting going back to church again because our youngest asked us if we could take him. He loves going so we support that. If later on in life any of our kids decide that their faith lies elsewhere then we will support that as well.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this,but, it does get better. As for therapy, I find it to be great! I love my therapist but like another member said, it's trial and error with therapists. You just have to find one you "click" with. That's probably hard to do, though, at a young age. If your family is willing to stick with you seeing a therapist and you feel it would help, then please stick with it and just find the "right" one.

 

[RavenSpirit360]

Hey don't let them get you down.. They should accept you for who you are, if they do not, it is their own problems and fears making them act the way they do.. I personally dont belong to any religion either and I have been put down by people for it as well.. Its quite uncomfortable sometimes, a lot of them don't back down and it just makes you feel so akward. Just keep being you and don't let them get you down. You have the right to choose what you want to believe in in your life. Please dont let them get to you Just be you. And don't take anything they say to you personally, know that it is their upbringing that makes them act the way they do.

 

[wade]

Hey John, how you doing?? Life OK? Don't forget to call home.

 

[Maize411]

Thankfully I didn't come from an obsessive religious family but they are pretty close. My father more so then my mother. I respect their religious beliefs and views and do believe in god and jesus myself but I have never let that stop me from having my own questions and looking into other beliefs that spoke to me more clearly.

Everyone has a right to believe in what they want to believe in, but unfortunately that doesn't stop others from hammering people about their beliefs and ways.

All you can do is be the person you know how to be which is yourself. This is your life and come the day when you are a full adult and look at yourself in the mirror it is up to you to make sure the person who looks back is someone you are proud of.

I deeply encourage you to talk to your family about the moving situation, tell them how hard it is for you and how its affecting your education and social life. I'm sure as your parents they are just doing what they think is best for you, but sometimes you have to speak up when you know its not.

Best of luck to you my friend, keep your spirits up and your courage strong.

 

[kshannon]

Thank you all for the awesome responces and advice, I'm doing my best in life and hopefully something will pop in that is wonderful. Egh, I just read finished my book, The Client by John Grisham. Wonderful book, I read 300+ pages today. My dad teased me that I should read the book of mormon, he said he has heard good things about it.

It never ends does it? Heh, in case I haven't said it before, thank you all for the awesome advice and positive responces.

I am nearly 40 and people are always giving me grief to get me into some form of church. So no it never ends!!!! My belief is it is between you and what ever god you choose to believe in or don't believe in!!! Alot of really religous people are the most hatefull people I have ever met!

 

[Carinata]

elusive I had the same issue with my parents when they divorced. God IS out there and aknowlege him he will help you

 

[wade]

God IS out there and aknowlege him he will help you

I don't want to start an argument (or maybe I do) but isn't that a little over simplified? I acknowledge god. I except his existence. I acknowledge his omnipotence. Please god, help me understand you.

 

[Elusive]

Hey John, how you doing?? Life OK? Don't forget to call home.

I'm doing alright Wade. I had a long talk yesterday with my father because he was concerned that I no longer beleived in God. I told him that everything is O.K. and there is no need to worry too much about me. I tried to not talk about it all day Sunday, but he kept on asking me why I didn't want to see the new Temple here in Utah that everyone is admitted to see, you dont even have to be LDS. I didn't want to go because I would have been going with everyone else in the Church, then I will end up being the center of attention like every other event that I go to because my Dad said I should. I despise going to Mutual (church activity for young men and women so they can learn some stuff, usually about church) and I get really uncomfortable just being there. I go because I dont want my dad to think I dont beleive in God. Its a real pain in the butt if you ask me.

 

[Hypancistrus]

I despise going to Mutual (church activity for young men and women so they can learn some stuff, usually about church) and I get really uncomfortable just being there. I go because I dont want my dad to think I dont beleive in God. Its a real pain in the butt if you ask me.

Sometimes when you are a kid you have to do things to keep the parents happy. Remember that hopefully they will help you with college and what not and you don't want to jeopardize that.

My family is an uber-large Catholic family and I spent about 5 years living in terror of them finding out that I was a lesbian, so I know what you mean about families and pressure to be what they want you to be. In the end, I had to be me and my family just has to deal with it (and they seem to be doing quite a good job at that!) Their issues are just that-- their issues-- and I quit taking responsibility for them about two years ago.

But the point is that in 10 years, you will be your own man, with whatever religious beliefs you choose. And that's what you have to keep working towards. Do what you need to do in order to keep yourself sane and in order to love yourself at night. If you need to "pretend" with your parents, do it... but realize that it is NOT going to be forever, and that before you know it you'll blink and be an adult with your own job, home, and family.

Good luck, John!

P.S. Seeing as how all of us here keep snakes, we'll all be burning in Hell right along with you-- at least the company will be good! :devil01:

 

[wade]

I think it would be interesting to walk through a temple. They are supposed to be really nice inside. When I was 14, no way. I don’t blame you. I know what you mean about being the center of attention. Everyone wants to shake your hand and say “glad to see you out”. You could wear a little sign on your pocket that said Look I’m just here this one time and I’m not coming back!!!

Could you talk to your dad and tell him how you don’t feel comfortable in those situations? Tell him it really has nothing to do with your belief in god.

It’s a tough time John. It’s tough being a parent too. I worry about my kids all the time and they’re a lot older than you. The more they talk to me the less I worry. The more open and honest they are with me about how they are feeling and thinking, the less I worry. It helps to keep me off their backs.