Yeah, well, I'm still working on that aspect of myself too, the 'diarrhea of the fingers' thing. And I'd like to believe others around these here parts are too. If I read something perhaps it is in my best interest to not post an immediate reply, but rather to think over my words carefully, perhaps even sleep on it first. Many of the members have more going on in their lives then changing water bowls or creating new threads. The older we get the more tasks we take on. Many persons are stressed out, and frequently anger is mis-directed. Maybe it's because taking it out on someone who is not a person in our offline life is less detrimental to our offline lives. Making excuses and using the phrase "just because" does not make some of the things I've said acceptable. The word "just" comes from "justify"; I just did something because (fill in excuse here). Many of us have learned (consciously or not) that when we use the word "just", the context of what we're saying- what we are saying is not questioned, or we receive an apology or a warm/fuzzy reply "Oh Im so sorry I didn't know whatever was going on..." and somehow justifying ourselves (in an act of self-preservation) is sufficient means for sweeping the baggage we're carrying around with ourselves under the rug. It doesn't make that baggage go away. So it sits around and builds up, and causes more stress and anxiety and ulcers and mini-strokes. Looking deeper within my own self, I know I need to work on not being a dick. But getting back to the portion of , I don't believe hypocrite is applicable to replying or not replying. To reply or not to reply has more to do with whether something is provocative (regardless of positive or inbetween or negative feelings) to ones' own person. Don't beat yourself up over it. Perhaps like most of us, some of it is your individual nature. Some of it is how you were "cultured" or what your "extraction" (upbringing) has enabled you to become. We're all forever changing. Much of these behaviors any one of us has are learned behaviors. Someone taught us what to think or how to think. Often the persons we learned from were our parents, close friends, family, persons in our immediate community. People we Respect for one reason or another. To think or act in a way they would not approve of would be an insult to them or perhaps alienate ourselves from them, and thought of doing so invokes personal insecurity. Sometimes there was even the threat of "if you don't agree with me on this you'll
a) be cut out of my will
b) be sorry
c) no longer be my friend
d) other____________
So therefore, if you know what's best for you, you won't challenge me on this
(In other words, like a dictator, they know what's best for you).
But we do not have to do what they tell us to do, because then we give up freedom to be our own person. Dis-enabled. Dis-empowered. There's always going to be some junk under the rug, but we have a choice to control what's under our own rugs. It is not for someone else to tell us. And if getting cut out of a will is what's necessary to get on with an ulcer-free lifestyle, then go for it. If thinking or doing things the same way over and over again is acheiving the same end result, that, friends, is one of the definitions of insanity. If someone is driving you insane, you don't have to let them. We all have choices of our own to make. Whether to absorb something, or not absorb something. If someone hands you a fecal sandwich, you don't have to eat it. You can push it to the side of your plate. You can throw it away. You can hand it back to them. You can get up and go to a different place. In fact, you don't even have to accept something anybody is handing you. So all in all, one can be a victim or a volunteer, or not participate in a game someone else wants you to be in. So rather than instantly reacting to everything you read on threads, perhaps try a new road. Your own. Not the one you've been conditioned to take.
And then there's the old "I'm too old to change", which means "don't challenge me" or "I'm not comfortable with getting focused inwards on my own person because I'm perfect in my own mind". It's a cop-out. An unwillingness to improve ones own self. It may be difficult to respect someone who chooses to embrace such a thought, but if I don't, why would I ever expect them to respect my own thoughts? Unless I'm a hypocrite. You nice folks at home please let me know if you see me doing that. If you don't tell me, I won't know. Having feelings is part of the growing process. Anger, Denial, steps 3-11 or steps 3-6...depending on whether it's the 12 stepper or the 7 stepper.
falling off the soapbox
dave
