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Joke thread.

Nitelion94

Nitelion94

I am The Nitelion
I am a big big big fan of laughing. So everyone post a good joke...or two or three or four......five or six work to.
 
Hmmm... ok! This is the first one to pop into my head.

This is the difference between cats and dogs.

With dogs they think "Wow! This persons feeds me, gives me water, bathes me, gives me attention, affection, and toys! They must be God! "

With cats, it goes like this "Wow! This persons feeds me, gives me water, bathes me, gives me attention, affection, and toys! I must be God!"
 
funny Vicky. First that pops in my head is this. A guy looks outside his window and sees that his neighbor's boy tipped a wagon load of wood. So he say hey come eat with me we can clean that up later. And the boy said I do not think paw would like that. the guy said just come eat and if we both do it we can have it done faster. So the boy eats with the man. when they are done the guy ask the boy why his paw would get mad if he ate and the boy goes well sir paw's under the wagon.
 
Ohhhhhhhhhhh! I got one....:)


A husband & wife are laying in bed fast asleep. Someone comes knocking at their door at 4 am.

The husband slowly rolls out of bed and trudges downstairs, turns the light on, & opens the door.

There stood a drunk man in the rain (who can barely stand let alone talk). The drunk then asks w/ his slurred speach, "can yooooooou....come out....and.....give me...a puuuuuussssh?"

The guy slams the door, heads back upstairs and jumps back in to bed. The wife asked who was at the door.

"I dunno, some drunk guy having car trouble & needed a push!" He replied a little bit upset.

The wife softly said, "Honey, we had car trouble once late at nite and someone was nice enough to help us.

Feeling guilty the husband puts on his clothes and raincoat and heads outside.

"Excuse me, Sir?? Do you still need a push? Hello? Where are you?" The husband begins to call out.

Two houses down he hears the drunk still slurring his words, "Ya over, herrreee. Can I still....have a pussssh?

There sat the drunk....on the neighbors swing.......

:) :) :) :) :)
 
Here's a pic instead of a joke...

Here's a pic that always gives me a good laugh....
 

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Four boys were fishing. As their boat rounded a point on the lake, they saw a man thrashing in the water.

With no hesitation, they jumped into the water and saved him.

It was not until they pulled him to shore that they noticed the man they had saved was President Obama, who had slipped away from the Secret Service for a swim.

When President Obama caught his breath, he thanked the two boys and offered them anything they wanted in return for saving his life.

The first boy thought about it for a while and finally answered.

"I would like a presidential appointment to West Point so I can serve my country."

The next two thought that was a great idea, but one said he had always wanted to be a pilot so he would rather attend the Air Force Academy.

The third boy chose the Naval Academy.

The president turned to the fourth boy, who was still thinking.

Finally he answered, "Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery"

The president was shocked and asked the boy why he would make such a request at his young age.

The boy replied "Because when my father finds out I saved you, he is going to kill me!"
 
I still think your a little tipsy sarah. And nice fatman nice..lol. I did not know we could make obama jokes.
 
Most people never admit to themselves that they are drunk. It just takes the rest of the world aprox 30 sec or 2-3 post to figure it out.....
 
Nitelion94 said:
Most people never admit to themselves that they are drunk. It just takes the rest of the world aprox 30 sec or 2-3 post to figure it out.....
Click to expand...

Oh trust me.......I will admit when I'm drunk.....

The hugs that resemble wrestling take down moves, taking my heels off b/c I'm blaming them for the reason why I can't walk right, ugly guys seem more attractive, the urge to pee every 5 minutes after you break the seal.....ya...those were the days! good times lol
 
By the way sarah nice tat. Its all ways nice to see a pretty girl with something other than a gay butterfly heart or flower
 
Even if i was tipsy...I wouldn't be able to type or txt.....my writing would look more like this.....


so yia i was wo4king toda an it2 was so busy

yes....my words would some how miraculously have numbers in them! lol
 
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