LBoz
Original Curmudgeon
Now THIS is a beautiful way to look at life.You can't have everything; I have enough.
-
Hello!
Either you have not registered on this site yet, or you are registered but have not logged in. In either case, you will not be able to use the full functionality of this site until you have registered, and then logged in after your registration has been approved.
Registration is FREE, so please register so you can participate instead of remaining a lurker....
Please be certain that the location field is correctly filled out when you register. All registrations that appear to be bogus will be rejected. Which means that if your location field does NOT match the actual location of your registration IP address, then your registration will be rejected.
Sorry about the strictness of this requirement, but it is necessary to block spammers and scammers at the door as much as possible.
Your most significant life event
- Thread starter Lucille
- Start date
kathylove
Pragmatic & Logical
Rich - it is very true that sometimes it is the seemingly minor choices that determine important results in a life. I have often thought "what if" concerning various choices.
When I was in my early 20s, wondering how to escape Wisconsin, and how to start a career with animals that didn't include long years of schooling, I was pretty much equally interested in snakes, dogs, and horses. And I had some of each of those species. At that time, I considered becoming a dog groomer, zoo keeper, and even a farrier!
It was kind of a lark that my sister and I decided to take a trip down to New Orleans in the winter, just to see what a warmer place would be like. We had no plans to continue further west than Houston, until we met the reptile guy at a reptile exhibit in Galveston, Tx. He said we just HAD to visit his ex son-in-law, a herp enthusiast, and his room mate, who happened to be Joe Laszlo, curator of reptiles in San Antonio. It is a long story, but it ended up that, after a brief visit, and lots of letters and phone calls, I developed a relationship (one business, one romantic) with both guys. I ended up moving down to San Antonio, starting a traveling reptile exhibit with the ex son-in-law, and a dating relationship with Joe (ALMOST married him!).
If it wasn't for that vacation, the fortuitous meeting at a reptile exhibit, and deviation from our plans, I might have never met Joe, started the traveling exhibit, met my hubby, gotten so deeply involved in the herp hobby, and maybe never would have found this forum or "met" any of you! Maybe I would be single, a dog groomer, and just an owner of a few pet herps. All because I went to a reptile exhibit and listened to what the performer there suggested, way back in the early '70s! I always found that an amazing set of coincidences.
When I was in my early 20s, wondering how to escape Wisconsin, and how to start a career with animals that didn't include long years of schooling, I was pretty much equally interested in snakes, dogs, and horses. And I had some of each of those species. At that time, I considered becoming a dog groomer, zoo keeper, and even a farrier!
It was kind of a lark that my sister and I decided to take a trip down to New Orleans in the winter, just to see what a warmer place would be like. We had no plans to continue further west than Houston, until we met the reptile guy at a reptile exhibit in Galveston, Tx. He said we just HAD to visit his ex son-in-law, a herp enthusiast, and his room mate, who happened to be Joe Laszlo, curator of reptiles in San Antonio. It is a long story, but it ended up that, after a brief visit, and lots of letters and phone calls, I developed a relationship (one business, one romantic) with both guys. I ended up moving down to San Antonio, starting a traveling reptile exhibit with the ex son-in-law, and a dating relationship with Joe (ALMOST married him!).
If it wasn't for that vacation, the fortuitous meeting at a reptile exhibit, and deviation from our plans, I might have never met Joe, started the traveling exhibit, met my hubby, gotten so deeply involved in the herp hobby, and maybe never would have found this forum or "met" any of you! Maybe I would be single, a dog groomer, and just an owner of a few pet herps. All because I went to a reptile exhibit and listened to what the performer there suggested, way back in the early '70s! I always found that an amazing set of coincidences.
kathylove
Pragmatic & Logical
"...Lots of those people who have kids opt out of the opportunity to experience those sorts of things..."
EXACTLY! Sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like to have our own kids. But there have plenty of nieces and nephews, and children of friends to enjoy. When we first got married, we decided that we REALLY wanted to have our own reptile business, and were not really set on having kids - didn't even know if we wanted them at all. We had few marketable skills, and even less money. So supporting ourselves and starting a business was more than a full time job. We just had no interest in kids during the usual child bearing years. Now, I sometimes wonder about it, but I don't regret our choices. Had we gone the "conventional route" - 9 to 5 jobs and a couple of kids, I think I would have always regretted that my childhood dream of running my own animal business and being my own boss probably never would have been realized. We just didn't have the financial ability to do both. Besides, I had watched many friends and acquaintances who seemed to just pump out multiple kids without a thought of how to cope with the time, energy, and financial constraints that come with kids. I always figured that more thought and planning should go into something so important.
So we have feline kids, and other peoples' kids - and we get to go home if the kids get too unruly, lol! I think we made the best choice - for us, anyway.
EXACTLY! Sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like to have our own kids. But there have plenty of nieces and nephews, and children of friends to enjoy. When we first got married, we decided that we REALLY wanted to have our own reptile business, and were not really set on having kids - didn't even know if we wanted them at all. We had few marketable skills, and even less money. So supporting ourselves and starting a business was more than a full time job. We just had no interest in kids during the usual child bearing years. Now, I sometimes wonder about it, but I don't regret our choices. Had we gone the "conventional route" - 9 to 5 jobs and a couple of kids, I think I would have always regretted that my childhood dream of running my own animal business and being my own boss probably never would have been realized. We just didn't have the financial ability to do both. Besides, I had watched many friends and acquaintances who seemed to just pump out multiple kids without a thought of how to cope with the time, energy, and financial constraints that come with kids. I always figured that more thought and planning should go into something so important.
So we have feline kids, and other peoples' kids - and we get to go home if the kids get too unruly, lol! I think we made the best choice - for us, anyway.
jenneses
Confuzzled
Wow, Lori, I was crying listening to your story.
I used to be really close to my family, but then my step-father moved into the house and, literally, he broke my family. Had the question been, who's had the most impact on your life, I would have chosen him. Not that he's been a positive person to have in my life, but because of him I have more compassion, am more open-minded, and I know I can stand on my own two feet and I don't "need" anyone. I've learned to forgive, and I've learned that hatred only turns you into the thing you hate.
I used to be really close to my family, but then my step-father moved into the house and, literally, he broke my family. Had the question been, who's had the most impact on your life, I would have chosen him. Not that he's been a positive person to have in my life, but because of him I have more compassion, am more open-minded, and I know I can stand on my own two feet and I don't "need" anyone. I've learned to forgive, and I've learned that hatred only turns you into the thing you hate.
NFS07
Stolen
I agree with Rich, there are a lot of things that happen that change how things will turn out. Even something as simple as getting out of bed each morning and doing something. There are many events in my life that have caused me to become who I am for better or for worst. I would not change a single moment, even the most painful ones.
To start my father died of a heart attack when I was 13. There was no warning before he had the heart attack. We were driving to the store from the lake where we had a camper, my mom and I in one car and my dad and my sister in the other car. My dad had pulled into the turning lane but when an opening came he did not go, at first we thought he was playing around but when cars started pulling up behind us he still did not move. My mom got out of the car to see what was going on. I could not see anything but I could hear her screaming for someone to call 911. I moved over in the car about the same time a guy and his wife from the car behind us came running up. He was on the phone and she moved herself so she was in the way and started talking to me. I dont remember what she was talking to me about but she kept talking and would not move. Thankfully a new firehouse had just opened right down the road so EMTs were there in a few minutes. I was able to see around the lady as they pulled him from the truck and got him on the ground. I will never forget watching as they shocked him on the ground infront of me. They did it twice before loading him into the ambulance and going to the hospital. The guy helped move the truck into the parking lot and one of the officers insured us that it could stay there for 48 hours without any problems. The lady came with us to the hospital, I don't even remember her name which some days I feel bad for but Im not even sure if she told me it. Her and her husband stayed with my sister and I until my mom got everything worked out then they left. From there things are a blur to be honest. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. In ICU for 5 days. I did not want to go see him, my father and I had always been close and I did not want to go see him laying with all the tubes coming out of him but my mom forced me to. I really wish that she had not. I still can't get the image out of my head when I think about him. She left me alone in there with him and I was so mad that this was happening I looked out the window till she came back to get me.
When he moved out of ICU he had a room mate, I don't remember his name but he was a really nice old man. He was in love with birds. He liked to tell me about all the places he went to see the birds. It was nice to be able to talk about something other then my father's health.. or lack there of. Leading up to the 2nd week I had more or less shut down. I did not really feel anything one way or another about him being there. I was not happy about anything, sad, mad or anything. I was numb. I was alone in his room at one point, the room mate was having tests done and my mom and sister were getting food. I told him to hurry up and die that I was tired of being here, seeing him attached to the tubes, and knowing that even if he came out of the coma I would never have MY father. 3 days later, the day my mom decided we were going back to school we got a call that he finally passed away. We went to the hospital, on the way to the room they had moved him to I saw his room mate. He looked worst then I felt, we found out later that 4 days later he also passed away. We had gone to see him again to give him a drawing of a blue bird, I still have that drawing too. When we got to the room he was on the bed and my mom covered my sisters and I's eyes as we went past into a little side room where the pastor from our church, Rick, was waiting for us. I dont remember anything he said. Not a single word. As we were leaving I looked over at my father's body. His skin was a pasty yellow and his facial hair stood out so strongly and I swear he had more gray hair then when he got there.
I did not deal with his death until two years later after I broke up with my first long term boyfriend because he cheated on me with my best friend. When it hit me, it hit me hard. In those two years I was in a fog. I remember parts but there are so many things I don't remember. I don't remember being happy even with my then boyfriend who I thought I loved. People will say things about those times and I just cant remember. When I broke, everything caught up to me. I cried, I screamed, I got mad, I laughed, and I remembered. I had not thought about my dad in two years, I thought it easier to act like he had never been there then to deal with it. How wrong I turned out to be. He was such a big part of my childhood. My best friend. Always there to teach me things, support me, discipline me when needed. He brought me up knowing right from wrong. He gave me my strong morals, my loyalty, my strength, and my backbone. I owe him everything and I wish that there could have been a way that he could have lived but things happen and that's life. Without him here to guide me I have had to wonder down paths alone. Not all the paths I have picked were the greatest but I learned and I came out on top. This is not going to stop but I'll always keep my head above the water. When I fall I'll get back up and start over again. I miss him all the time and there are days I wonder if he would approve of my life. Would he be happy with where I have ended up? I can only hope that he would be.
I understand this, my father was that glue and once he was gone my family broke apart. My mother fell into her own world, my sister is running wild, and there is nothing holding us to each other. We don't have family get togethers, we dont do holidays. I have bounced around for awhile because my mom decided she did not want me in the house ended up coming back because I did not have any money and she could not control my sister. Im not here because I want to be but because I feel I have to be.
The other big change was getting engaged to a man. I loved him and I gave him everything I could but end the end I was not enough for him. He slept with my best friend (this was the second time this had happened not the same friend or guy though). When I found out I was crushed to say the least but it also caused me to pull away from everyone. I stopped talking to everyone and I made it a point to keep track of who tried contacting me in that time and who did not. I weeded out my friends and I found who would stand by me through thick and thin and not drop me when things got rough. I also made a lot of new friends, something Im not very good at. I told them from the start that I would not stand for it and my female best friend right now and I are on the same page about it. I trust that she would not allow anything of the sort to happen.
The most recent falls under the falling in love. I had been in love before but I had not fallin into love and until it happened I did not know that they were not the same. Turns out that a very good friend that I had in high school is what I believe now to be my soul mate. When we were in high school I knew he liked me but I did not like him like that, he was a friend and that was it. He moved to PA and we talked off and on. He was dating a girl here in VA so when he would come see her he would stop by and we would catch up. When he joined the Marine Corps we stopped talking more because he was in boot camp and then SOI so it was hard for him to do much of anything. Before he left for Iraq he stopped by to say goodbye, he made me promise that I would be there when he got back from Iraq. I told him I would be. We had lunch 4 days before I found out about my boyfriend and my best friend sleeping together. He went off to Iraq and we talked still but I was lost in my own world for a long time. I did a few things I won't go into here but on April 22nd I was in NC waiting for him to get back. The whole time I was second guessing going down there, it was his parents calling to tell me they would not be able to go that made my mind up for me. I could not allow him to come back to no one.
As soon as I saw him I could tell he was not the same person I had seen 7 months ago. And in truth I was not the same person either. We went out to eat, it was a little odd at first but we started talking and laughing. We went to the Walmart there, a super walmart, and he was amazed at everything that had come out while he was away. At some point he grabbed my hand and when I gave him a "the hell?" look he just smiled at me and kept walking. We were walking down an aisle and he got behind me and did one of those walk behind hug things which tend to be awkward in general but not that time. I'm pretty sure thats when I started down the wildest ride I have ever been on. When we got back to the hotel room we talked and watched tv and I put my head on his shoulder while we watched a show about hilter. I could hear his heart racing when I looked up at him he smiled and kissed me, I could feel my heart racing. I thought I was going to have a heartattack it was going so fast. No one that I had been with before had made me feel that way. It was insane. Shocking to many of our friends we did not have sex that night and anyone who thinks that you can't have an amazing night without sex needs to have a night like I had. When we woke up he rolled over and just smiled at me and his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He started singing, not all that well either I might add but it was still cute, "Good morning beautiful." From that night on I was stuck, I tried for two days after leaving him in NC to forget it to move on but I could not. We talked the whole time during those two days, which did not help either but on April 24th he asked me and we are still going strong. I am still in VA and he is at this moment in Cuba so its hard but when I think about that night and all the other moments I had with him I dont want anyone but him. We hit a few rough patches early on from girls he had been talking to while in Iraq and his crazy ex who is now in jail for the crap she pulled. Things were not right for us to be together 6 years ago but 6 months ago they were and they still are. We both had a lot of lessons to learn and many more to learn but I think the timing was perfect for both of us.
So to answer your question, the death of my father, being stabbed in the back, and falling in love. Sorry that was so long and sappy there at the end but there you have it, kind of.
To start my father died of a heart attack when I was 13. There was no warning before he had the heart attack. We were driving to the store from the lake where we had a camper, my mom and I in one car and my dad and my sister in the other car. My dad had pulled into the turning lane but when an opening came he did not go, at first we thought he was playing around but when cars started pulling up behind us he still did not move. My mom got out of the car to see what was going on. I could not see anything but I could hear her screaming for someone to call 911. I moved over in the car about the same time a guy and his wife from the car behind us came running up. He was on the phone and she moved herself so she was in the way and started talking to me. I dont remember what she was talking to me about but she kept talking and would not move. Thankfully a new firehouse had just opened right down the road so EMTs were there in a few minutes. I was able to see around the lady as they pulled him from the truck and got him on the ground. I will never forget watching as they shocked him on the ground infront of me. They did it twice before loading him into the ambulance and going to the hospital. The guy helped move the truck into the parking lot and one of the officers insured us that it could stay there for 48 hours without any problems. The lady came with us to the hospital, I don't even remember her name which some days I feel bad for but Im not even sure if she told me it. Her and her husband stayed with my sister and I until my mom got everything worked out then they left. From there things are a blur to be honest. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. In ICU for 5 days. I did not want to go see him, my father and I had always been close and I did not want to go see him laying with all the tubes coming out of him but my mom forced me to. I really wish that she had not. I still can't get the image out of my head when I think about him. She left me alone in there with him and I was so mad that this was happening I looked out the window till she came back to get me.
When he moved out of ICU he had a room mate, I don't remember his name but he was a really nice old man. He was in love with birds. He liked to tell me about all the places he went to see the birds. It was nice to be able to talk about something other then my father's health.. or lack there of. Leading up to the 2nd week I had more or less shut down. I did not really feel anything one way or another about him being there. I was not happy about anything, sad, mad or anything. I was numb. I was alone in his room at one point, the room mate was having tests done and my mom and sister were getting food. I told him to hurry up and die that I was tired of being here, seeing him attached to the tubes, and knowing that even if he came out of the coma I would never have MY father. 3 days later, the day my mom decided we were going back to school we got a call that he finally passed away. We went to the hospital, on the way to the room they had moved him to I saw his room mate. He looked worst then I felt, we found out later that 4 days later he also passed away. We had gone to see him again to give him a drawing of a blue bird, I still have that drawing too. When we got to the room he was on the bed and my mom covered my sisters and I's eyes as we went past into a little side room where the pastor from our church, Rick, was waiting for us. I dont remember anything he said. Not a single word. As we were leaving I looked over at my father's body. His skin was a pasty yellow and his facial hair stood out so strongly and I swear he had more gray hair then when he got there.
I did not deal with his death until two years later after I broke up with my first long term boyfriend because he cheated on me with my best friend. When it hit me, it hit me hard. In those two years I was in a fog. I remember parts but there are so many things I don't remember. I don't remember being happy even with my then boyfriend who I thought I loved. People will say things about those times and I just cant remember. When I broke, everything caught up to me. I cried, I screamed, I got mad, I laughed, and I remembered. I had not thought about my dad in two years, I thought it easier to act like he had never been there then to deal with it. How wrong I turned out to be. He was such a big part of my childhood. My best friend. Always there to teach me things, support me, discipline me when needed. He brought me up knowing right from wrong. He gave me my strong morals, my loyalty, my strength, and my backbone. I owe him everything and I wish that there could have been a way that he could have lived but things happen and that's life. Without him here to guide me I have had to wonder down paths alone. Not all the paths I have picked were the greatest but I learned and I came out on top. This is not going to stop but I'll always keep my head above the water. When I fall I'll get back up and start over again. I miss him all the time and there are days I wonder if he would approve of my life. Would he be happy with where I have ended up? I can only hope that he would be.
I understand this, my father was that glue and once he was gone my family broke apart. My mother fell into her own world, my sister is running wild, and there is nothing holding us to each other. We don't have family get togethers, we dont do holidays. I have bounced around for awhile because my mom decided she did not want me in the house ended up coming back because I did not have any money and she could not control my sister. Im not here because I want to be but because I feel I have to be.
The other big change was getting engaged to a man. I loved him and I gave him everything I could but end the end I was not enough for him. He slept with my best friend (this was the second time this had happened not the same friend or guy though). When I found out I was crushed to say the least but it also caused me to pull away from everyone. I stopped talking to everyone and I made it a point to keep track of who tried contacting me in that time and who did not. I weeded out my friends and I found who would stand by me through thick and thin and not drop me when things got rough. I also made a lot of new friends, something Im not very good at. I told them from the start that I would not stand for it and my female best friend right now and I are on the same page about it. I trust that she would not allow anything of the sort to happen.
The most recent falls under the falling in love. I had been in love before but I had not fallin into love and until it happened I did not know that they were not the same. Turns out that a very good friend that I had in high school is what I believe now to be my soul mate. When we were in high school I knew he liked me but I did not like him like that, he was a friend and that was it. He moved to PA and we talked off and on. He was dating a girl here in VA so when he would come see her he would stop by and we would catch up. When he joined the Marine Corps we stopped talking more because he was in boot camp and then SOI so it was hard for him to do much of anything. Before he left for Iraq he stopped by to say goodbye, he made me promise that I would be there when he got back from Iraq. I told him I would be. We had lunch 4 days before I found out about my boyfriend and my best friend sleeping together. He went off to Iraq and we talked still but I was lost in my own world for a long time. I did a few things I won't go into here but on April 22nd I was in NC waiting for him to get back. The whole time I was second guessing going down there, it was his parents calling to tell me they would not be able to go that made my mind up for me. I could not allow him to come back to no one.
As soon as I saw him I could tell he was not the same person I had seen 7 months ago. And in truth I was not the same person either. We went out to eat, it was a little odd at first but we started talking and laughing. We went to the Walmart there, a super walmart, and he was amazed at everything that had come out while he was away. At some point he grabbed my hand and when I gave him a "the hell?" look he just smiled at me and kept walking. We were walking down an aisle and he got behind me and did one of those walk behind hug things which tend to be awkward in general but not that time. I'm pretty sure thats when I started down the wildest ride I have ever been on. When we got back to the hotel room we talked and watched tv and I put my head on his shoulder while we watched a show about hilter. I could hear his heart racing when I looked up at him he smiled and kissed me, I could feel my heart racing. I thought I was going to have a heartattack it was going so fast. No one that I had been with before had made me feel that way. It was insane. Shocking to many of our friends we did not have sex that night and anyone who thinks that you can't have an amazing night without sex needs to have a night like I had. When we woke up he rolled over and just smiled at me and his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He started singing, not all that well either I might add but it was still cute, "Good morning beautiful." From that night on I was stuck, I tried for two days after leaving him in NC to forget it to move on but I could not. We talked the whole time during those two days, which did not help either but on April 24th he asked me and we are still going strong. I am still in VA and he is at this moment in Cuba so its hard but when I think about that night and all the other moments I had with him I dont want anyone but him. We hit a few rough patches early on from girls he had been talking to while in Iraq and his crazy ex who is now in jail for the crap she pulled. Things were not right for us to be together 6 years ago but 6 months ago they were and they still are. We both had a lot of lessons to learn and many more to learn but I think the timing was perfect for both of us.
So to answer your question, the death of my father, being stabbed in the back, and falling in love. Sorry that was so long and sappy there at the end but there you have it, kind of.
NFS07
Stolen
I dream about my father also, almost every night. Little things that I don't remember during the day I remember at night and he is with me. Its kind of like he is still here in a small way. Hurts sometimes when I wake up after a dream that felt so real only to see that he is not there. I used to swear I would hear him walking around the house and for the longest time I would still think he would walk into my room at any point, thankfully Im over that now.