Joke for ya...
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
stiff one... just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed you little chickensh*t and fight
like a man."
Another one...
Italian man
An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question,"
the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the I talian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but thi s time the number is 99."
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has ust drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Ere you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
(You're going to love this one!!!)
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?"
