Some sage parenting advice needed

[danielle]

Oh no she won't Wadeypoo. My mom once drove over a guy my sister was datings lawn with him sitting in it and stopped inches from his scrawny little body. Us Carter women don't play the POS game nicely My daughter did multiplication and division in 1st grade...she does algebra and geometry now and would be starting precal next year, but I am halting this brain factory they have her in. She will actually go back to multiplication and division and probably learn nothing new, but if it makes her happy it really is a small thing looking at the big picture. She will now have time to be a kid, play, talk on the phone, and other kid stuff that was neglected with 3 hrs. of HW a night. She will still get to stay in GT english and science and says if they say no tomorrow she'll just stick it out she really loves science and all the projects they get to do. I think math for her is probably what it was for me....kinda boring and abstract. She likes to learn about the world, animals, chemicals, and other weird stuff most kids aren't into so if she wants to slac in math this year I'm over it.

However, the honest introspection of her behavior is what I am after. Be accountable because your never going to be perfect, but at least don't be a liar

 

[wade]

Hey, you did great I won’t try to change your mind. But……geometry is a weird abstract branch of mathematics that is different than anything you have seen up to that point. The basic four functions add, subtract, multiplication, and divide are learned mostly by rote, memorization, like history. Algebra starts to involve logic and reasoning. Geometry is all by itself in left field. Trig and Calc are different again. Lots of straight A algebra kids get in trouble in Geometry.

Chemistry requires a great deal of math. Physics is all math. Having a mathematical mind will help in Biology. Don’t sell math short. It’s very important. The discipline of math is important.


I could be put in jail for what I did to my daughters first POS. Nuff said.




Edit to add: your daughter is a lucky girl. She has a great mom.

 

[Dinah]

But……geometry is a weird abstract branch of mathematics that is different than anything you have seen up to that point. The basic four functions add, subtract, multiplication, and divide are learned mostly by rote, memorization, like history. Algebra starts to involve logic and reasoning. Geometry is all by itself in left field. Trig and Calc are different again. Lots of straight A algebra kids get in trouble in Geometry.

Yep all of that. I can tell you this from personal experience, I was good at math all through school, certainly I had to work hard but it was definitely doable then I got a D and a C in geometry honors, I had never gotten such terrible grades before I decided to retake geometry honors because those grades where not good enough to get me into Algebra II honors, so I retook geometry and then I did very well in Algebra II honors and I have gotten A's in my college math courses as well. Again I have always had to work hard to get good grades in math but geometry was kind of like running into a brick wall for me.

 

[danielle]

An update I am happy to report. The wee one yesterday went to on level math for the first time. When she came home I asked how it was and she totally faked an "it was great". I thought okay that didn't sound genuine, and asked why it was so great. She ws quiet. So we did her on level math homework in 30 seconds and I could tell she was trying to act happy a little too hard. Last night while in the shower I get interrupted by a little voice and it was her. She asked when you make a bad choice can you change your mind? I knew what she was talking about, but played dumb and said it depends on the choice. Her lip quivered, eyes welled, and the tears came. Her GT class mates made fun of her for going and her new math classmates weren't happy she was there. The teacher taught 1x2 and it was all stuff she knew well I was smiling inside but had my best sad mommy face on. So I said then what do you want to change and she said my math class if the teacher will let me. So today she marches back to her math class and knows finally she belongs there instead of being unsure. She knows its going to be harder, but she also finally thinks she can do it. On a side note her teacher anticipated this and gave her the HW from her math class that she also breezed through last night without even being in the class, or asking me any questions, or even complaining. Life is sweet when you see them grow without you trying to make them

 

[tsst]

Great to hear Danielle.

 

[snakemom1961]

I've not read all the responses so if this has been said or addressed, I'm sorry to repeat this opinion. If there is a class wide retake test given, I guess I don't understand what the problem is. I'd be angry if my kids did bad if the test was given at the proper time but not 3 or 4 weeks later with no study packet or review. But since the school appears to admit there was a problem because of the time missed and they are able to do a make uptest I would be too upset by the original test scores.

 

[danielle]

Nancy, I wasn't made at her for doing poorly at all I knew with 3 weeks off, no book, and no review this would happen. I was just angry this made her want to quit her math class and that she was passing notes and lying about doing so during math. The note passing is normal girl behavior, but the lack of integrity it takes to lie about made me want to scream,lol

 

[snakemom1961]

I totally understand the lying part! I'm just happy you aren't holding the horrible teacher against your daughters test score. If it were my daughter(I have twin daughters so I know how it was...lol) and I caught her in a lie, you can be darn sure she'd be grounded and threatened with having to have her grandmother speak to her. I never depended on my mother to discipline my kids, but trust me, my mom's word was the same as god!!..LOL

 

[danielle]

See my mom is crazy and says "Danielle lying is a sign of intelligence only idiots tell on themselves" so.....she needed a day of picking up dog poo to think about it

 

[snakemom1961]

I can only relate to lying kids when it comes to teenagers.
When my girls were in high school, They drove my car to school and back. There was a period of time they made they're way to the tech center but didn't quite make to their high school, They only made it as far as the local park.
Guess what! As soon as I found out they were skipping school the car was taken away from them, much to their fathers chagrin! Just stick to your guns and making sure your daughters teacher isn't expecting to much from the students(speaking to other parents will help alot), I'd continue on the path you have laid.

 

[tyflier]

She only has this teacher because this is the only GT teacher for 3rd graders It is the same group of girls passing the notes and seats have already been moved with my daughter literally sitting right up front by the teachers desk, but obviously this isn't working. I personally can't stand her teacher and we have already clashed twice before. This is the first year I haven't adored her teacher or that my daughter has ever been in any trouble, but this year has been rough. My daughters hormones are definitely kicking into high gear. She has developed the eye rolling smart mouth posture of an early teen and has spent most of this year grounded. While I blame the teacher for my daughters poor test grade my daughter is responsible for behaving whether she or I like the teacher or not. This woman who is her teacher has a stink eye and nasty tone which drives me batty, but again in the real world whether you like or dislike someone you are expected to behave in a certain way period.

I'm a pretty relaxed parent, I talk to my kids, and am open minded. I ground for serious offenses and I know she is lying hoping to avoid getting in trouble but our home policy is if you make a mistake and are honest about it we simply discuss the situation. If you make a mistake and lie about it your in deep doodoo. So why lie?

Boldface is mine...

Does your daughter know you can't stand her teacher? It's really tough for kids to understand that whether or not you like your boss, you do what you're suposed to. That's a very mature concept, and it takes kids some time to figure that one out.

My thought is that if you are vocal about your dislike of this teacher, it could be a fairly large influence on your daughter's behavior. If she knows you hate this teacher, perhaps she thinks she can convince you of a couple different things:

1-the teacher is lying about the notes, not her
2-the teacher has it "in" for her because of your dislike
3-if mom doesn't respect her, she shouldn't have to either

Now...I'm no psychologist, and I certainly don't want to tell anyone how to raise their children. I believe in the honesty policy, as well, and we would probably agree heartily on many parenting choices and issues. But to me, if she hears you voice your dislike of this teacher, it seems possible that it could be influencing her behavior, even on a subconscious level, and causing her, at least to a small degree, to be less respectful towards the teacher and less determined in her classwork for this teacher.

It's also possible that to a small degree, the teacher may very well be more severe in her assessment of your daughter's behavior if she is aware of your dislike. Teachers are people, too, and if she knows you don't like her, it is quite possible that her own predjudices against you and your daughter are influencing some of the situation...

As for the test after the 3 weeks off, I agree completely that this seems way out of line for 3rd graders. Even High Schoolers would have a very difficult time with that. Given your known dislike of the teacher, if I were you, I would avoid confronting her directly, because I know I would have a hard time keeping my own attitude under control. It seems a better strategy might be to go to the principle and voice your concerns that way. If possible, find out how many other kids in the class failed or received borderline grades, and of those kids, how many this can be expected from vs. how many a failing grade is a total surprise. This data *could* support your reasons for disagreeing with that choice and might put the teacher in a position to reconsider counting the original grades against the kids, or something...not really sure how it would all pan out, but it might be worth a shot...

 

[tyflier]

I wanted to add...

I don't know if this has been mentioned or not already, but it might also be a reasonable option to have a sit-down with yourself, the teacher, your daughter and one of the administrators and try to not only hash out the behavioral issues...especially the lying...but also to try and make any necessary adjustments to make life a little easier on everyone involved...

 

[desertanimal]

I'm glad it worked out with the math. I'm glad you let her make her own choices. I think that you have a lot less to lie about in life when you think that you can be in control it.

 

[danielle]

Chris, I have never told my daughter her teacher is not my fav, but if you read through this you would already see that. My daughter definitely does not love this teacher and yes I agree it is a part of why she is slacking off, but in life we will encounter plenty of people we don't click with and still have to put our best foot forward. The teacher is not some terrible woman by any means just a little lack luster, strict, and serious. I like that she has high expectations for the kids and pushes them, but there are other things if I were her I would do differently like be more personable and enthusiastic when the kids perform well. Kids need encouragement, reward, and a firm hand. Just the firm hand stiffles children from putting their best foot forward because their still too immature emotionally to realize the importance of success and trying their best.

 

[snakemom1961]

Danielle, The only thing I can add to your comment is... Those who teach, are those who inspire. If you love teaching you will inspire your kids, and yes, you will call them YOUR kids. My sister inlaw is a teacher and trust me she thinks of all her students as a branch of her family and wants to see them succeed as much as she does her own kids.

If they don't inspire to succeed they aren't teaching..end of story.

 

[tyflier]

Chris, I have never told my daughter her teacher is not my fav, but if you read through this you would already see that. My daughter definitely does not love this teacher and yes I agree it is a part of why she is slacking off, but in life we will encounter plenty of people we don't click with and still have to put our best foot forward. The teacher is not some terrible woman by any means just a little lack luster, strict, and serious. I like that she has high expectations for the kids and pushes them, but there are other things if I were her I would do differently like be more personable and enthusiastic when the kids perform well. Kids need encouragement, reward, and a firm hand. Just the firm hand stiffles children from putting their best foot forward because their still too immature emotionally to realize the importance of success and trying their best.

Well, as was said many times...your daughter knows. Whether you said it or not, she knows you have less respect for this tacher than any other. And that DOES effect children and how they act and respond.

I didn't read the whole thread before I responded to you. Sorry. But reading the whole thread before I responded wouldn't have changed my response or my suggestions. You asked for advice, and I offered what I thought was decent advice, or at least possibly another perspective. Sorry if you disagreed.

Regardless, I'm glad to hear everything worked out for the best in the end. Good luck.