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S.O's feelings with animals/pets

lol, this is my first snake. The cats and dogs don't bother him, it's the snake and the stereotype he has about snake people. He's difficult.
 
Is he also close minded about anyone who is not "normal" (like him) in every other way - such as minorities, gays, fat people, other religions, people with "strange" hairdos or piercings, etc? Just how closed minded is he in non - pet areas of life? And if he is, how does that affect you?
 
kathylove said:
Is he also close minded about anyone who is not "normal" (like him) in every other way - such as minorities, gays, fat people, other religions, people with "strange" hairdos or piercings, etc? Just how closed minded is he in non - pet areas of life? And if he is, how does that affect you?
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DING DING DING!!!!
You totally just described him to a T, except religion which he doesn't care about. and I totally hate it. His family is like that also, the N word flies freely in their house, at which point I generally just leave the conversation, or try not to go there much anymore. But I don't let it affect me too much, and definitely don't share in his views or let him influence me in any way. And I keep the fact that I own everything as a one up on him. Which is also why he doesn't pay bills, because I like to know that I pay for all my stuff myself, with no help from him. It's really and truly a toxic relationship and I'm hoping my 10 days away from him will help me clear my head and make some better choices.
 
Just bringing an animal home without his consent is not the road to go down. You're married, you need to work as a team. I would try to sit down with him and have a mature conversation about it. Why he feels having another animal would be a "zoo" to him. Is there any way to compromise? Really I think this just comes down to communicating together.
 
Taz Monkey said:
DING DING DING!!!!
You totally just described him to a T, except religion which he doesn't care about. and I totally hate it. His family is like that also, the N word flies freely in their house, at which point I generally just leave the conversation, or try not to go there much anymore. But I don't let it affect me too much, and definitely don't share in his views or let him influence me in any way. And I keep the fact that I own everything as a one up on him. Which is also why he doesn't pay bills, because I like to know that I pay for all my stuff myself, with no help from him. It's really and truly a toxic relationship and I'm hoping my 10 days away from him will help me clear my head and make some better choices.
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I don't want to go into a counseling session here, or be judgemental of a relationship...but honestly from the things you've been saying, I think you have bigger things to worry about than just snakes. Little tip...if you NEED a week to "get away" from the person you're in relationship with, there's a problem. Believe it or not, you're actually supposed to enjoy being together.
 
EsotericForest said:
I don't want to go into a counseling session here, or be judgemental of a relationship...but honestly from the things you've been saying, I think you have bigger things to worry about than just snakes. Little tip...if you NEED a week to "get away" from the person you're in relationship with, there's a problem. Believe it or not, you're actually supposed to enjoy being together.
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Oh trust me, I know. We have the most absolutely off the charts dysfunctional relationship ever. Mostly because he thinks that all relationships should be like his parents. Mom stays home, dad brings home the bacon, makes the rules, mom and kids obey. Which is all fine and dandy, except I have a job, make money, bought a house, and don't have to rely on anyone. I have friends, interests, a social life etc. That I would be more than happy to include him in. All my friends love him, because he's a really likable guy, aside from what I've said. He has control issues. And I won't let him control me. That's his issue. The only man who can still tell me what to do is my dad, and will probably remain that way for the rest of my life. Talking about things, compromise, all that is fine, but I can't be told what to do.
 
WOW!

Worse than I thought! He might be a lot better as an occasional friend to do something fun with than a close partner. If who controls whom is going to be a lifelong struggle, not to mention the other points, then you have some soul searching to do as to whether the struggle will be worth it.

I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, but I couldn't live with it, myself. I would look at the dispute about the snake as a gift to let you know what your future together holds. Hope you can figure out what will work out best for you and your kids.
 
kathylove said:
I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, but I couldn't live with it, myself. I would look at the dispute about the snake as a gift to let you know what your future together holds. Hope you can figure out what will work out best for you and your kids.
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A man who's a good, leader, in a loving way, makes a great husband. A man who's controlling and manipulative is one you need to stay clear of.
 
The women I know who are sufficiently emotionally competent to be married don't need leaders; they need equal partners.

In my opinion, the women I know who need leaders aren't ready to be getting married.
 
I don't feel I need a leader. I need a PARTNER - person who sometimes leads and sometimes follows, according to our needs at the time. But I won't argue with success if it is working for somebody else, and if they are BOTH happy with the arrangement. Just not for me!
 
I think it depends on what your opinion of "leader" is. I have a Biblical view of the man being the leader of the relationship. In that view the man and the woman are equal, and "partners" if you will. The best analogy I've seen for this is that in a relationship, you're both driving a train down the tracks. The woman is helping to make decisions on where they're going, as well as helping to keep the train running. The man as the leader has the job of keeping his hands on the steering wheel in order to steer them where they mutually agree they need to go. The problem in our society is that as soon as the word "leader" is even mentioned, you get a certain impression that it's like a dictatorship, which couldn't be farther from the truth. Another way you can put it is this...I love hockey, so bear with me ;). The Chicago Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup, so obviously they're a very talented team who works very well together. Jonathan Toews is the captain of the hockey team, because a team needs a leader. Does that mean it's all about him? No...one guy can't win a game. You need amazing goaltending from Antii Niemi, you need defense from Dunkin Keith, and you need goal scoring from Patrick Kane. You have all these amazing players on the team, but they need somebody to help guide the team in the right direction...they need a leader.
 
Ok, using your metaphor, I think what Kathy and I are saying is that we don't want a relationship where we do a whole bunch of stuff contributing to the movement of the train, but never sit in the driver's seat. We want a relationship where each person has his or her hands on the steering wheel, on average, 50% of the time.

I see the need to have a team leader of a 12-person team. Quick decisions are difficult to make among 12 people. I don't see the need to have a designated leader of a two-person team in the game of life. And there's certainly no good reason why, if one person IS designated as the leader of the two-person team most of the time, it should automatically be the person who has a penis and not the person who doesn't.
 
EsotericForest said:
I think it depends on what your opinion of "leader" is .... The problem in our society is that as soon as the word "leader" is even mentioned, you get a certain impression that it's like a dictatorship, which couldn't be farther from the truth.
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Well put... I'm by NO means religious in the biblical sense, as a matter of fact I'm Pagan, however, I do agree with this sentiment... Nicely put and nice explanation.

In the end REALLY, any relationship, no matter WHAT the agreed upon roles, mutual respect and a mutual understanding of WHAT those roles are is necessary.
 
Lets just say this...in our current society, my view on relationship isn't very popular anymore. But what is popular now is divorce. Ironic ;)
 
desertanimal said:
Ok, using your metaphor, I think what Kathy and I are saying is that we don't want a relationship where we do a whole bunch of stuff contributing to the movement of the train, but never sit in the driver's seat. We want a relationship where each person has his or her hands on the steering wheel, on average, 50% of the time.

I see the need to have a team leader of a 12-person team. Quick decisions are difficult to make among 12 people. I don't see the need to have a designated leader of a two-person team in the game of life. And there's certainly no good reason why, if one person IS designated as the leader of the two-person team most of the time, it should automatically be the person who has a penis and not the person who doesn't.
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Well I might not be making myself clear on one thing, and that is that my wife can tell me where I need to steer the train. She can make a decision, and I can follow through with it. The only reason a woman would NEED to have her proverbial hands on the steering wheel, would be due to pride. In marriage the woman has her responsibilities, and the man has his responsibilities. They compliment eachother. One of the jobs the man has is to responsibly, and lovingly lead his family. What's wrong with that?
 
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