My father is being a pain.

[Eriathiel]

Ok.
I love my dad. I really do. And we have a decent relationship. I can't tell him everything, but what kid can?
So my plan is to move to Cleveland after I graduate in May (provided I have a job). My boyfriend and I have had very long conversations, and we are not moving in together, but neither of us wants to be in a long distance relationship anymore, and I don't have any reason not to move there. I want to go somewhere new, and not move home to my parents anyway.

However my father keeps telling my mother he won't help me move there, under any circumstances, and that I shouldn't be looking for jobs there. If I was moving ANYWHERE else he wouldn't care, and would support me %100 percent, but he's being a jealous jerk. Just like when I bought MY car with MY money, he told me I couldn't drive it to Cleveland. Anywhere else was fine, just not Cleveland.
But he won't say anything to me about me moving to Cleveland, even if I mention it.

I'm just tired of him being a little kid about it. Its not like I can't ever move home, but I need to try something new!

AHHH! So thats my rant!

 

[snakewispera snr]

So what is the problem with Cleveland?

 

[jazzgeek]

So you have either:

1. A very over-protective father,
2. A diehard Steelers fan, or
3. Both.

Hang in there, Izzy. If it's any consolation, he could have been a very under-protective father for all those years.

But yeah, he's gotta grow up with you.

regards,
jazz

 

[Rich in KY]

You are always gonna be your dad's lil girl, no matter how old you get.

I learned as I got older that you cannot always do things that make everyone happy. At some point, you have to make your own decisions. But, be prepared to live with the results of those decisions. I am sure in the end, your dad will support you.

 

[Eriathiel]

So what is the problem with Cleveland?

I think he's being jealous about my boyfriend - doesn't want me to see him, or visit him. He even admits that he really likes the guy, which I think scares him even more!

So you have either:

1. A very over-protective father,
2. A diehard Steelers fan, or
3. Both.

Hang in there, Izzy. If it's any consolation, he could have been a very under-protective father for all those years.

But yeah, he's gotta grow up with you.

Ha Ha Well its not the Steelers fan - not that he doesn't like them, but they arn't on his radar! Its true - I know he's doing it because he loves me, but it is time for him to start letting go.

regards,
jazz

You are always gonna be your dad's lil girl, no matter how old you get.

I learned as I got older that you cannot always do things that make everyone happy. At some point, you have to make your own decisions. But, be prepared to live with the results of those decisions. I am sure in the end, your dad will support you.

I hope so! I think he's just scared that I'm finally ready to be on my own and I'm not trying to be daddy's little girl. Of course if I was he would be complaining that I was trying to be a leech and I needed to grow up... oh silliness of it all!

 

[airenlow]

Cleveland is a shady place...I wouldnt let my daughter move there! I went 2300 miles away for college and now my parents cant control much of my life. So I guess Im not really helping this thread. Good luck!

 

[wade]

Do you know how scary it is to be the father of a young adult woman? For 2 decades he as been in charge and all of a sudden he is no longer needed. All of a sudden you are making decisions that may not be the same as he would have made.

Go a head and grow up, be on your own, do all that stuff, it is the way it should be. But never forget how hard it is for him to let go. He isn’t doing any of this stuff to be mean.


Wow, where did that come from?

 

[SnakesRule1234]

Aww... it's so nice to see the caring, nice and emotional side of you today, Wade. I can imagine it's hard... wish my dad was like that, though. You're lucky you have a real dad.

 

[wade]

that is enough of that. I am not a nice guy!!

My daughter is 29 years old. On her next birthday, I'm going to let her out of her room to eat with mother and I.

 

[susang]

I'll give the mother's view or grand-mother's view. Are you sure your Dad likes him? What does your Mom say? Does this guy work, if so is it steady work, is he on his own? Can you and he (boyfriend talk about anything)? Does boyfriend tell you don't worry everything will be alright? If your answer to above question is yes, no or I don't know, I would be worried if I were your Dad or your Mom. Living on your own is very difficult add another person who just finished college/living on their own:shrugs:. I would feel better if you were going to live together at least you would not be alone.
With all this said you will do what you feel is best for you and your Dad will say I told you so or your Mom. Mom's are more likely to say 'I told you so', grand-mother's are down right impossible in the 'I told you so/he isn't good enough for you' department.unch:

 

[jazzgeek]

Wow, where did that come from?

It came from a father. Kudos!

regards,
jazz

 

[jazzgeek]

So what is the problem with Cleveland?

Nothing.

However, Lake Erie...... :sidestep:

regards,
jazz

 

[K'Bear]

My dad cannot wait to get rid of me, hes just not happy that because i am in full time education rather than have a job. My mother is paying for everything because she wants to support me to get a good job. All I'm getting off my dad is get a hair cut, u get another tattoo or an more piercings and Ill tear them out, i know he loves me really, i think hes jealous because Ill have a better job.

In all fairness it doesn't sound to me that your dad likes your boyfriend very much but is telling you he dose not to hurt you, he probably thinks you will be better off with him than your boyfriend because your father will protect you. I'm sure he means no harm but you are at the age now where you and only you can make the decision to move out. I wish you all the best in which ever choice you make.

 

[Eriathiel]

Do you know how scary it is to be the father of a young adult woman? For 2 decades he as been in charge and all of a sudden he is no longer needed. All of a sudden you are making decisions that may not be the same as he would have made.

Go a head and grow up, be on your own, do all that stuff, it is the way it should be. But never forget how hard it is for him to let go. He isn’t doing any of this stuff to be mean.


Wow, where did that come from?

I think it came from a very loving father
I do understand how hard it is for him for me to grow up and be on my own. Its still hard for me too... I want to be freeeee!!

Aww... it's so nice to see the caring, nice and emotional side of you today, Wade. I can imagine it's hard... wish my dad was like that, though. You're lucky you have a real dad.

I am VERY lucky. I adore my dad. I really really really do.

that is enough of that. I am not a nice guy!!

My daughter is 29 years old. On her next birthday, I'm going to let her out of her room to eat with mother and I.

:rofl: Who do you think you are kidding? We all know you are a nice guy.

I'll give the mother's view or grand-mother's view. Are you sure your Dad likes him? What does your Mom say? Does this guy work, if so is it steady work, is he on his own? Can you and he (boyfriend talk about anything)? Does boyfriend tell you don't worry everything will be alright? If your answer to above question is yes, no or I don't know, I would be worried if I were your Dad or your Mom. Living on your own is very difficult add another person who just finished college/living on their own:shrugs:. I would feel better if you were going to live together at least you would not be alone.
With all this said you will do what you feel is best for you and your Dad will say I told you so or your Mom. Mom's are more likely to say 'I told you so', grand-mother's are down right impossible in the 'I told you so/he isn't good enough for you' department.unch:

Oh I"m sure my dad likes him - he's told me mom that he's the only boyfriend I've had that he approves of - he's an engineer with a steady job making a ton of money and my dad says that he reminds him of himself when he was younger. My boyfriend is very "with it" and is will to discuss anything - he knows everything might not work out perfectly but wants to give it a shot. I think its a good sign that my mom who worries 10 times more then my dad is encourgaging me to move there and has no problem with it. I've been open with my parents about everything. My dads just being stubborn.

 

[v_various]

Oh I"m sure my dad likes him - he's told me mom that he's the only boyfriend I've had that he approves of - he's an engineer with a steady job making a ton of money and my dad says that he reminds him of himself when he was younger. My boyfriend is very "with it" and is will to discuss anything - he knows everything might not work out perfectly but wants to give it a shot.

So wait I second....what I want to know is,
does he have a single brother? Older, preferably.

As for the rest of it, I don't know, I moved out at 18 and across the country at 20. My Dad didn't have too hard a time letting go - my younger sister and brother were still at home, eating his food, creating laundry, you know, all the stuff they forget about when they miss you : )
Tell him to get a puppy or something, lol.

 

[bitsy]

I think its a good sign that my mom who worries 10 times more then my dad is encourgaging me to move there and has no problem with it. I've been open with my parents about everything. My dads just being stubborn.

I can only go by my experience, but that would be the clincher in my household. My Dad can kick up all the fuss he wants, but if Mum backs my brother or I, then we just quietly get on with it. Dad then quietly backs down and the subject is never mentioned again. No big confrontations, no big rows....

Susang is right - if there really was a major issue that might put you in harm's way, your Mum would in no way be supportive of the move. Kiss your Dad, tell him that you love him loads and appreciate how he wants to keep you safe - then get on with your life. My feeling is that he'll come around.

 

[Eriathiel]

So wait I second....what I want to know is,
does he have a single brother? Older, preferably.

As for the rest of it, I don't know, I moved out at 18 and across the country at 20. My Dad didn't have too hard a time letting go - my younger sister and brother were still at home, eating his food, creating laundry, you know, all the stuff they forget about when they miss you : )
Tell him to get a puppy or something, lol.

Actually he does have an older brother who is single - and he works for Apple.
See I'm an only child, so it may have helped that you still had siblings at home.

I can only go by my experience, but that would be the clincher in my household. My Dad can kick up all the fuss he wants, but if Mum backs my brother or I, then we just quietly get on with it. Dad then quietly backs down and the subject is never mentioned again. No big confrontations, no big rows....

Susang is right - if there really was a major issue that might put you in harm's way, your Mum would in no way be supportive of the move. Kiss your Dad, tell him that you love him loads and appreciate how he wants to keep you safe - then get on with your life. My feeling is that he'll come around.

I think he will come around eventually - but I just wish it was sooner rather then later! I don't want to upset my father, and so making choices that I know will upset him put a ton of stress on me. But I won't back down, I'm just as stubborn as he is, and he knows it. I'm very much like my father.

And my Mom def. is on my side - she told me so last night. Which means that when the time is right she will talk reason and logic with him. And then he will see the error of his ways - it always happens. She just waits for the perfect opportunity to make that one comment that will make him think. She's evil.

 

[bitsy]

when the time is right she will talk reason and logic with him. And then he will see the error of his ways - it always happens. She just waits for the perfect opportunity to make that one comment that will make him think.

It seems Dads (and Mums!) are the same, the whole world over - bless 'em to bits!

I think you've answered your own question with that comment. There might be some temporary upset, but your Dad has to get used to the idea that you 're gradually making your own way in the world. It must be a horrible situation for you both.

 

[Mysfitz]

Oh I"m sure my dad likes him - he's told me mom that he's the only boyfriend I've had that he approves of - he's an engineer with a steady job making a ton of money and my dad says that he reminds him of himself when he was younger. My boyfriend is very "with it" and is will to discuss anything - he knows everything might not work out perfectly but wants to give it a shot. I think its a good sign that my mom who worries 10 times more then my dad is encourgaging me to move there and has no problem with it. I've been open with my parents about everything. My dads just being stubborn.

reminds him of himself?
we know what young men are like,
we never know what are fathers were really like at that age,
but it does tend to make them want to lock the girls up.
the more protective they act the wilder they were?

being an only child only makes the typical dad much harder to deal with.
i have 2 older siblings, my dad cried like a baby when he accidentally found out i wasn't innocent any more.
of course i had messed up enough he didn't say much when i moved across country.

 

[Jcapicy]

I dunno, I'm a guy so I guess its a bit dif, but my father always pushed me to grow and become independent but with stern guidance. I got into trouble like any guy will growing up, but I did finish school, and moved out shortly after with roomates, which was like a transition of him being worried as all get out, to, ok maybe this kid can do it. Now I have a career, my own place and live about 11 hundred miles away and he couldn't be more proud. I may have thought he was being a hard-ass growing up, but now I see he was actually helping me to grow up.

Best wishes, and compromise is an amazing thing!