Coming Out to Friend

[smigon]

I also tend to believe friends gay and straight who tell me they feel no spectrum, they are simply attracted to one gender. I would guess more people are either gay or straight than bi, actually.

But as a guy who was in high school in the 80's, I can tell you that we've come a long way.

Chip, I agree that most people are gay or straight in the end, but what I meant by "bi-curious" is that I think most people (whether they admit it or not) may have considered and been curious about what it would be like to be with a member of the opposite sex. NOT actually act on it, necessarily, but have considered what it would be like.

I love my husband, he is 6'4" and makes me feel so comfy and snuggled in his arms, I am definitely straight. But that doesn't mean I don't often appreciate a nice behind on a girl, a beautiful feminine face, and have no issue complimenting other women. Would I sleep with them? 25 years ago, who knows, but now probably not as the opportunity would probably never present itself, but would and have been curious what it would be like.

Most teenagers/20-somethings now, apparently, are comfortable trying both sides. I think it is great. They are no longer forced into not having a choice, like you said, a long way from the 80's (a 1986 girl here!).

 

[vetusvates]

Agreed. It's easy to say everyone else must be the way you are (directed at whomever authored that statement, not you), but that doesn't make it so. I have no doubts a lot of people live miserable lives denying their own nature, but I know myself, and know that statement to be false. I also tend to believe friends gay and straight who tell me they feel no spectrum, they are simply attracted to one gender. I would guess more people are either gay or straight than bi, actually. To find people attractive is not necessarily the same as being sexually attracted to them,....

Chip, a number of excellent points here.
I would never venture a guess as to what deep feelings lie in the mind or heart of another.
In fact, similar to science's "prime directive", I would never touch nor question one way or another a person's inherent (spectrum?) curiosity or inherent single-mindedness in a particular direction.
And I wholeheartedly believe in the non-curious single-mindedness you allude to being the primary nature of many.
In this territory I live and let live.
Finding people attractive (in a non-sexual time/place/context POV), to me, is not far from finding art and music attractive...a simple appreciation for beauty, no sexual overtones involved. So people's natures and minds can be extremely magnetic. (Or oppositely so...lol.)
And similarly, love is a broad and complex thing.

 

[Michael823]

^ Very true points. Beauty is something very different than than sexuality, and it isn't straight or gay. Even with some girls that I went to school with, who were/are friends, I can't help but think "dayumm" sometimes.. beautiful. It isn't a sexual impulse, at all, it's just an inherent sense of.. well, dayumm.

Although, I would say that (probably) more people are driven by sexual impulse than beauty, especially with men - I'd guess this is why the most homophobic are also the most inappropriate heteros (IMO). Their lack of appreciation for real beauty, and inability to see things in a non-sexual way, causes them to see gay people as equally perverse as themselves (except with the same sex) - it's really a self hatred thing. It's also like that when you look at 'some' who watch sports: The most homophobic, racist ones, are the ones who have the most homo-erotic sense of admiration of the players, from where I stand.. but that's another discussion, for another day. **cue James Baldwin to explain it all.

But, yeah, beauty and sexuality - distinctly different. I believe there are just as many issues with this distinction among straight people, actually. Which often gets overlooked.