I'll be the bad guy...
It's very noisy. You can find free noise reduction software in many places on the web, as well...most editing programs have a built in noise reduction function. It makes your pictures look WAY better.
There is no contrast or clarity. In other words...it's bland. The pose is nicely done, but the photo itself lacks contrast and "pop". Adjustments to contrast and brightness will help. If you are using a newer program(within the last 2-3 years), there should be a "clarify" or "clarity" option. This feature uses shading and highlights to increase the depth of the image, giving seperation to the different layers of the picture. In your image, clarify would help to seperate the head from the body, making your subject more clear.
It looks over-sharpened. It looks like a soft or slightly out of focus picture, that you tried to sharpen in the editing program. Instead of being crisp and sharp as a tack, it looks soft, with harsh edges. This is a sign of over sharpening.
Keep trying. The pose is really nice, and should make an excellent photograph. I also like the B&W conversion, but would prefer more contrast. The composition is good, and the subject is wonderful. You just need to work on your "technique", and you'll get the picture you want...