dionythicus
Kiss My Hearse
carolPSST... Hint to the single girls... find a guy that has lots of sisters. :noevil:[/QUOTE said:
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For the ladies..hee hee
- Thread starter crazyforcorns
- Start date
Taceas
USW = UB313
I agree with Joker and Princess whole-heartedly, necessary chores around the house are best split between the two. And the moment its expected of me, is when we're going to have problems. Sometimes finding that middle ground and projects that both can do to help the greater good can be a bear to achieve.
To be up front, I don't work outside the home at the moment. I quit my part-time job last summer due to increasing stress from the boss. And to be honest, even with working a part-time job, housework was going to pot.
Matthew works for Toyota Motor Manufacturing building Tundra, Sequoia, and Sienna vehicles, and makes good money. However he works their odd second shift which is 5pm-4am. I don't sit around the house eating bon-bons. I do keep the house in order, all of the animals fed, meals cooked, shopping/errands ran, and I'm his personal reminder for things since he lacks an internal calendar of his own.
I cook most of the meals we eat, because I love to cook. Matthew can cook if the need arises, but he has no "finesse" in the kitchen and what should be a simple meal is spread all over the counters and floor. He never cleans it up the way I want, like wiping behind the canisters because there's flour behind there too...just because you can't see it isn't any excuse. Or leaving sticky substances on a knife that by the time I get in there is now glued to the countertop. So to save my frustration, I just do it myself.
He does 90% of the laundry. I detest folding/hanging clean laundry. Plus, after I accidently turned some of his underwear pinkish, he doesn't trust me anymore. And yes, it was an honest to goodness accident.
We share house cleaning for the most part, although I'd say I do the majority of the daily tidying up. Neither of us are neat-niks by any means, but our house is clean and picked up. My mother "tortured" me as a child by insisting I help her clean a 2 story house top to bottom every weekend, so naturally I refuse to do that here. I do not live in a museum like she does.
During the warmer months I do the majority of the yard work. Growing up on 9 acres of well manicured property takes its toll on your expectations in your new home. So I keep the yard picked up and mowed, flowerbeds tended and blooming and our vegetable garden producing.
I also put up jam with the summer fruits and can if the need arises (I love pickles). I also do the primary work with the chickens: selling eggs and slaughtering. It doesn't bother me a single bit to be buried up to my forearm in chicken innards. I know the end product made with your own food tastes so much better knowing what it ate, its end was well met, and it was healthy.
The only thing I haven't mastered is bread. Bread dough and me don't get along well. Matthew does MOST of the bread making around here. And he can make a mean blackberry or huckleberry pie from scratch.
Anyway, I think the world would be a much better place if guys had to take shop AND home-ec classes, and girls the same. I am lamenting the fact I actually listened to my counselor in school when he talked me out of not taking shop. I can't build a bird house with printed destructions and have to rely on my husband or father to do the necessary work most of the time. *sigh*
To be up front, I don't work outside the home at the moment. I quit my part-time job last summer due to increasing stress from the boss. And to be honest, even with working a part-time job, housework was going to pot.
Matthew works for Toyota Motor Manufacturing building Tundra, Sequoia, and Sienna vehicles, and makes good money. However he works their odd second shift which is 5pm-4am. I don't sit around the house eating bon-bons. I do keep the house in order, all of the animals fed, meals cooked, shopping/errands ran, and I'm his personal reminder for things since he lacks an internal calendar of his own.
I cook most of the meals we eat, because I love to cook. Matthew can cook if the need arises, but he has no "finesse" in the kitchen and what should be a simple meal is spread all over the counters and floor. He never cleans it up the way I want, like wiping behind the canisters because there's flour behind there too...just because you can't see it isn't any excuse. Or leaving sticky substances on a knife that by the time I get in there is now glued to the countertop. So to save my frustration, I just do it myself.
He does 90% of the laundry. I detest folding/hanging clean laundry. Plus, after I accidently turned some of his underwear pinkish, he doesn't trust me anymore. And yes, it was an honest to goodness accident.
We share house cleaning for the most part, although I'd say I do the majority of the daily tidying up. Neither of us are neat-niks by any means, but our house is clean and picked up. My mother "tortured" me as a child by insisting I help her clean a 2 story house top to bottom every weekend, so naturally I refuse to do that here. I do not live in a museum like she does.
During the warmer months I do the majority of the yard work. Growing up on 9 acres of well manicured property takes its toll on your expectations in your new home. So I keep the yard picked up and mowed, flowerbeds tended and blooming and our vegetable garden producing.
I also put up jam with the summer fruits and can if the need arises (I love pickles). I also do the primary work with the chickens: selling eggs and slaughtering. It doesn't bother me a single bit to be buried up to my forearm in chicken innards. I know the end product made with your own food tastes so much better knowing what it ate, its end was well met, and it was healthy.
The only thing I haven't mastered is bread. Bread dough and me don't get along well. Matthew does MOST of the bread making around here. And he can make a mean blackberry or huckleberry pie from scratch.
Anyway, I think the world would be a much better place if guys had to take shop AND home-ec classes, and girls the same. I am lamenting the fact I actually listened to my counselor in school when he talked me out of not taking shop. I can't build a bird house with printed destructions and have to rely on my husband or father to do the necessary work most of the time. *sigh*
Preita
New member
lol it's not that bad. (In all honesty, I have never hit someone in the throat). In reality I am a much more polite person (at least out loud, in my head is totally different).Jason B. said:
When you just get right down to it that list is neither polite nor respectful. No relationship is 50/50, either you put all of yourself in or you get nothing back.
To be honest, I'm kind of surprised that there isn't a companion list for men. If women need to learn how to treat men, how did men learn how to treat women?
Who taught men it was their job to run around the front yard trying to bash a mouse with a shovel?
ghosthousecorns
Well-known member
I agree that both men and women should take home ec and shop. I really don't like carpentry that much but I can use a drill and hammer well enough to do my own small home repairs, I do landscaping for a living and know how to use pretty much any tool involved, even the big 48" walk-behind mowers and trenchers. (Chainsaws are just plain fun.)
I reject all stereotypes based on gender. Like 'women's work' ... to me, work is work. Who cares who does what? I think men should be able to sew and women should be able to saw.
I really wish I knew more about fixing cars though, I always feel like I'm paying waaaay too much to mechanics. Gotta learn a little grease monkeyin' LOL
I reject all stereotypes based on gender. Like 'women's work' ... to me, work is work. Who cares who does what? I think men should be able to sew and women should be able to saw.
I really wish I knew more about fixing cars though, I always feel like I'm paying waaaay too much to mechanics. Gotta learn a little grease monkeyin' LOL
Taceas said:
LOL. I feel your pain. My hubby is actually a pretty good cook, the only problem is that he could dirty every single bowl and utensil in the kitchen making a sandwich. Even if he offers to clean up after, I don't let him cook much because I'd rather he be doing other things than taking 3 hours cooking and cleaning up after dinner.
JoannaD
Formerly known as jodu
So many great comments and ideas. I'll put my 2 cents in, but probably not as eloquently as some.
I work full time and my husband is at present, a stay at home dad. We have 3 kids, 4 cats, a rabbit, and (I have) 20 + snakes. Paul and I have been married almost twelve years and have lived in 2 countries and 3 states since our oldest was born!
Marriage isn't a fairy tale but hard work. Misty, I agree that people don't communicate but I also think that marriages fail because we have a screwed up Hollywood notion of what love and marriage are. There is not enough commitment or willingness to sacrifice in todays world. Our partner needs to be our best friend and even they can not be the best of friends 100% of the time. We either accept their and our own faults/deficiencies or move on. But don't expect any marriage to be "perfect".
No marriage/partnership is equal. Sometimes one partner is doing more and sometimes another. Very often one partner will take on more than the other. And I agree with Carol that a lot of this has to do with what we expect from ourselves rather than what someone else expects of us. This was brought home to me when a lesbian friend in a long term relationship was complaining about her partner. She sounded like me and my friends complaining about our husbands. I told her that I was bitterly disappointed! I always thought if two women were in a relationship things would just get done! Nope someone takes on the "male" role!
I am a professional and worked hard to get where I am but if you ask me now I have a job not a career. And I truly believe I would give it up if I could be a stay at home Mom. There are very real benefits to being at home with your kids. I think it is harder work than going to a job every day. Kids can tax you and burn you out like any job! There are also benefits to having "defined" roles. Everyone knows what is expected of them. I truly enjoy cooking, baking, taking care of the errands and making sure things in the house are running smoothly (not the greatest cleaner though!). But working and doing a lot of these things is hard and you get to resent a lot of it. I'd love to have the energy to do some of the things that "textbook" suggested. I want to do it because I want to do it and not because society or someone is forcing me to do it.
It is unrealistic to be able to work, run a house, bring up kids and be a wife. You need help and that help will hopefully be your partner. You need realistic expectations of them and yourself. They also need realistic expectations.
The beauty of the society that we live in today is that for many women there is a choice. We can decide to stay home if our finances allow it or we can decide we want to be working wives/mothers. There is no right answer for everyone and having a choice is a wonderful thing.
Sorry for the rant/ I probably shouldn't do this at this late hour. I know I will regret something I said!
I work full time and my husband is at present, a stay at home dad. We have 3 kids, 4 cats, a rabbit, and (I have) 20 + snakes. Paul and I have been married almost twelve years and have lived in 2 countries and 3 states since our oldest was born!
Marriage isn't a fairy tale but hard work. Misty, I agree that people don't communicate but I also think that marriages fail because we have a screwed up Hollywood notion of what love and marriage are. There is not enough commitment or willingness to sacrifice in todays world. Our partner needs to be our best friend and even they can not be the best of friends 100% of the time. We either accept their and our own faults/deficiencies or move on. But don't expect any marriage to be "perfect".
No marriage/partnership is equal. Sometimes one partner is doing more and sometimes another. Very often one partner will take on more than the other. And I agree with Carol that a lot of this has to do with what we expect from ourselves rather than what someone else expects of us. This was brought home to me when a lesbian friend in a long term relationship was complaining about her partner. She sounded like me and my friends complaining about our husbands. I told her that I was bitterly disappointed! I always thought if two women were in a relationship things would just get done! Nope someone takes on the "male" role!
I am a professional and worked hard to get where I am but if you ask me now I have a job not a career. And I truly believe I would give it up if I could be a stay at home Mom. There are very real benefits to being at home with your kids. I think it is harder work than going to a job every day. Kids can tax you and burn you out like any job! There are also benefits to having "defined" roles. Everyone knows what is expected of them. I truly enjoy cooking, baking, taking care of the errands and making sure things in the house are running smoothly (not the greatest cleaner though!). But working and doing a lot of these things is hard and you get to resent a lot of it. I'd love to have the energy to do some of the things that "textbook" suggested. I want to do it because I want to do it and not because society or someone is forcing me to do it.
It is unrealistic to be able to work, run a house, bring up kids and be a wife. You need help and that help will hopefully be your partner. You need realistic expectations of them and yourself. They also need realistic expectations.
The beauty of the society that we live in today is that for many women there is a choice. We can decide to stay home if our finances allow it or we can decide we want to be working wives/mothers. There is no right answer for everyone and having a choice is a wonderful thing.
Sorry for the rant/ I probably shouldn't do this at this late hour. I know I will regret something I said!
princess
Cornaholic
Great input everyone. This is turning out to be a great thread!
We're most likely going to be fortunate enough to rely on Thomas' income and still live pretty nicely once we have kids and I'm looking forward to spending those precious few formative years with our kids. That doesn't mean they'll be glued to me 24/7, once the youngest is about 3 they'll do the pre-school and school thing and I'd like some kind of paid work (not more than 20 hours a week) just because I have a deeply ingrained work ethic that (rightly or wrongly) gives me satisfaction from going to work and getting my pay. Perhaps I'll still feel the same when we have kids or perhaps I'll turn into one of those 'freak' mums that make their kids their entire worlds and seem to loose all ability to talk about anything other than their little ray of sunshines latest achievement...who knows!!!
I agree with whoever it was (think there were a few) who said that one of the great parts of todays society is the fact we can more or less choose what makes us happy and what works for us as a family and aren't so dictated to by the gender roles of old...
That said..if there's a button to be sewn, gift to be wrapped or plant to be re-potted it's up to me and if there's a hole to be drilled or winter tyres to be changed...I'm not breaking my pretty nails!
We're most likely going to be fortunate enough to rely on Thomas' income and still live pretty nicely once we have kids and I'm looking forward to spending those precious few formative years with our kids. That doesn't mean they'll be glued to me 24/7, once the youngest is about 3 they'll do the pre-school and school thing and I'd like some kind of paid work (not more than 20 hours a week) just because I have a deeply ingrained work ethic that (rightly or wrongly) gives me satisfaction from going to work and getting my pay. Perhaps I'll still feel the same when we have kids or perhaps I'll turn into one of those 'freak' mums that make their kids their entire worlds and seem to loose all ability to talk about anything other than their little ray of sunshines latest achievement...who knows!!!
I agree with whoever it was (think there were a few) who said that one of the great parts of todays society is the fact we can more or less choose what makes us happy and what works for us as a family and aren't so dictated to by the gender roles of old...
That said..if there's a button to be sewn, gift to be wrapped or plant to be re-potted it's up to me and if there's a hole to be drilled or winter tyres to be changed...I'm not breaking my pretty nails!
Preita
New member
princess said:
So True! I grew up in a house where if something needed to be built or made my mom did it. If it needed to be fixed (such as the cars) my step dad did it.
I will get down & dirty in the chores & what not, but I still make my husband cary the heavy stuff (I know I could, I've got massive pipes lol but I don't trust my two previously dislocated knees).
I think that Matt & I are only different that we work together. He's actually my boss & my father in law owns the company. We never have had a problem with who has "worked harder today".
We are lucky that more mothers are teaching their sons to cook & do laundry & their daughters to stand up for themselves & do what they want.
dionythicus
Kiss My Hearse
I think it's different for every relationship. We've been together for four years (I know, not that long, considering) and I had someone ask me when we had our first fight. I had an absolutely puzzled look on my face and replied, "We haven't." "Oh, you will," was thrown back at me. Uh, no, I don't think so. You don't have to fight to work things out. We talk. We work side by side. We're best friends. We agree on nearly everything. We were raised in nearly identical circumstances and can quote our moms to each other and we've both heard the same things from them.
When one of us does something that annoys or upsets the other, we talk. Usually the "guilty" one didn't even realise what they had done. I know to stay out of my husband's way when he's pissy and he stays away from me when I'm in a bad mood. But we still get things done. And we respect one another and love each other for our good points as well as our bad. There is no expectation of each other. Then again, we're equally mature and responsible, not everyone is.
When one of us does something that annoys or upsets the other, we talk. Usually the "guilty" one didn't even realise what they had done. I know to stay out of my husband's way when he's pissy and he stays away from me when I'm in a bad mood. But we still get things done. And we respect one another and love each other for our good points as well as our bad. There is no expectation of each other. Then again, we're equally mature and responsible, not everyone is.
I have to say this is all interesting, but to be honest, having a good relationship is about sharing the responsibility. I agree with you Princess about sharing the load. My boyfriend and I share the load and we never have to ask are you going to empty the trash or do the dishes, etc. We play an equal part in everything and that's what makes the home life so great. It just gets done and no one has to ponder over whose "job" it is!!!!
princess
Cornaholic
curiousL said:...we never have to ask are you going to empty the trash or do the dishes, etc. We play an equal part in everything and that's what makes the home life so great. It just gets done and no one has to ponder over whose "job" it is!!!!
Well, I do the dishes because he always manages to leave junk on them and he takes out the trash cos I'm usually naked to one degree or another! :crazy02:
cowboyman13
Jimmy
Ill post this as a spoiled man who's wife actually does about half of whats on that list. I do have an old fashioned southern woman who as far as i can tell enjoys doing these things for me.
An as a spoiled man i can say that i don't, didn't when we first met, or any time in the future expect these things. But it sure as been a nice plus for the past six years.
Now i think i will call it a day and head home for dinner. I think she made my favorite Meatloaf and fried potatoes :sidestep:
An as a spoiled man i can say that i don't, didn't when we first met, or any time in the future expect these things. But it sure as been a nice plus for the past six years.
Now i think i will call it a day and head home for dinner. I think she made my favorite Meatloaf and fried potatoes :sidestep:
ghosthousecorns
Well-known member
I am single so a lot of these things that traditionally men are expected to do, I have learned how to do myself because I don't want to pay someone else or bat my eyelashes at anybody to get it done. (I have no pretty nails to break LOL) I think part of the reason I AM single is because I'm too darn independent.
I remember the moment I knew it wasn't going to work out with my last boyfriend was when he said "I'm the man, and you're the woman, YOU are supposed to pay attention to ME.' Basically he was mad his needs weren't getting catered to. Imagine that, putting myself first...the nerve! Oh well he didn't like all the snakes either.
I'm happy for those of you who are married and are making it work, if both parties are happy adhering to traditional ways there is nothing wrong with that but to me the perfect guy would do my laundry & have dinner ready when I got home, not the other way around. (But I'm also still waiting for pigs to fly and hell to freeze over.)
I remember the moment I knew it wasn't going to work out with my last boyfriend was when he said "I'm the man, and you're the woman, YOU are supposed to pay attention to ME.' Basically he was mad his needs weren't getting catered to. Imagine that, putting myself first...the nerve! Oh well he didn't like all the snakes either.
I'm happy for those of you who are married and are making it work, if both parties are happy adhering to traditional ways there is nothing wrong with that but to me the perfect guy would do my laundry & have dinner ready when I got home, not the other way around. (But I'm also still waiting for pigs to fly and hell to freeze over.)
crazyforcorns
hatchling
As someone mentioned on this thread already..in time..men learn..keep mama happy and everyone is happy. It's that simple.
I've been married for almost 16 years. There has been the battle of her job, his job. :argue: When it comes down to it, we are both capable of cooking, cleaning etc. Though..there are times when a woman's touch is needed as is there are times when a man's touch is needed.
Of course, when I was a stay at home mom..it was a little different and I accepted that. I"m working now, our children are older so we are a team. I think the first 10 years of a marriage is rather difficult (not including the honeymood stage)..especially with young children..then there is the the phase of rediscovering one's self...who am i..where am i headed..then there is the acceptance and the realization that all is well..
...as long as she or I am happy... :cheers:
Kathy
I've been married for almost 16 years. There has been the battle of her job, his job. :argue: When it comes down to it, we are both capable of cooking, cleaning etc. Though..there are times when a woman's touch is needed as is there are times when a man's touch is needed.
Of course, when I was a stay at home mom..it was a little different and I accepted that. I"m working now, our children are older so we are a team. I think the first 10 years of a marriage is rather difficult (not including the honeymood stage)..especially with young children..then there is the the phase of rediscovering one's self...who am i..where am i headed..then there is the acceptance and the realization that all is well..
...as long as she or I am happy... :cheers:
Kathy
ultimuttone
Murphy is my Sancho :/
shed'n my skin said:
AMEN!
Can I add that he should look good in lingerie :grin01:
ghosthousecorns
Well-known member
Just as long as it's not women's lingerie... :grin01:ultimuttone said:AMEN!