Interesting article...

[Hypancistrus]

http://www.blogher.com/node/16740

The most interesting aspect of the article was this quote:

But not wanting to associate with children is, first, a disturbingly entitled position: "I am so special that I should be allowed to construct my life in such a way that I do not come into contact with those I find undesireable." But it is also a prejudice. It is determining that there is a whole class of people that one does not want to be around, by virtue of their age.

Is it really "prejudicial" to say that you don't enjoy spending time with children? For some people it's just not their thing... why should it be forced on them?

I'm the first to admit that, given my job, the LAST thing I'd want to do on evenings and weekend is hang out with friends who have teenagers... I don't see that as a bad thing, or an entitled thing? It's just a choice...

 

[Ricky87]

I don't see what the issue is at all either. If a woman or couple decides not to have children it's their choice, and is probably more thought out than most people who have children unexpectedly. I think if it's because a person doesn't want to give up a childish lifestyle, such as going to clubs and drinking well into their 30's and 40's, then yes that is strange, but those aren't the kinds of people who should have children anyways. Some people like to just have peace and quiet and not be tied down. Others just may not have a career suitable for children, or the finances to maintain such a household. Personally I think raising a child into becoming a complete human being capable of great things is the most admirable thing anybody can do, but at least these people are taking the time to assess the true value of parenting within their own lives. I respect that, and I don't think there is a lack in the human population, so I don't see the big deal. Each to his/her own, IMO.

 

[alan]

I love my daughter very much but I honestly can't recommend having children to anyone. Some people realize that before thay have kids, some people just don't want to chance changing their lives too much. That's not selfish. Selfish is having a child because of someone else's opinion of you. Trying to look "complete" in someone else's eyes is just trying to make yourself feel better, that's selfish.

 

[dionythicus]

I didn't have a chance to read the article yet, but I don't need anyone to tell me why I choose to not be around children or that there is anything different or wrong about my life. I tell people, "I have to get older and be responsible, but I refuse to grow up.". I'm not having any children, I don't feel the need to be around people who have them. When women in my office come in with their new babies and everyone stampedes to coo and aaww over the baby, they think it's wierd that I have no interest in even seeing the baby. I sure as heck don't want to hold it. I honestly have almost zero maternal instinct when it comes to human babies or children. Don't get me wrong, I value children as our future and anyone who harms a child should have their face chewed off by a rabid animal, followed by other body parts, but I have the right to steer clear of the little monsters (lol) in my life.

 

[wade]

I kind of side with Alan. I have two children and love them both. I’m glad they are grown and have lives of their own lives now. I would not want to change diapers or try to deal with teenage problems any more. Maybe I’ve grown out of that ability but I now longer have it.

I choose to not be with people who annoy or irritate me. I don’t think that is a prejudice. I think it is human nature. I choose to avoid temperatures that I find uncomfortable. Same thing. Noisy kids annoy me. Call me Scrooge, it makes me very irritable.

 

[Hypancistrus]

Wow... another follow up to that article.

http://www.happilychildfree.com/ann.htm

From a survey done by Ann Lander's in 1970, 70% of respondent's who were parents would NOT have children if they had it to "do over."

I really want to ask my mom, but I doubt sincerely I'd get a straight answer...

That being said I feel many times that she is disapointed in the person I am and the choices, both real and imagined on her part, that I have made. I've never quite figured out what fantasy image she had in her head of me, but I know I've never lived up to it.

And I find myself asking a lot these days, as I see more and more classmates having kids, and parents holding babies in the mall who are several years younger than I am... why would I do that to myself, but more importantly, why would I do that to another person?

I don't think it's selfish at all....

 

[Kali]

I am one of those people that chooses not to have children. Occasionally someone is very surprised by that and asks me why I wouldn't want a child.
Well why should I?? I have a whole list of reasons why I don't want children. None to have one. The fun things I can do with my sister's son and daughter, the rest I don't need.
That whole list is a compelling reason for me not to have children, yet the list is the same for everybody (for example crying, not getting sleep, taking a huge chunk of time away from you, costing money etc.). The thing is, when you do have that maternal instinct (that I apparently lack), those things become less important, some completely unimportant. Then it's worth all that, and I imagine you get repaid by the love of your children.
For me, it isn't worth it. My life is complete without them.
Enough people on this world, no need to make more if you're not "parent material"

 

[ZoologyGirl]

I try to steer clear of children when I can...unless necessary (i.e. my nephew). I am not fond of them, I don't know how to deal with them. (Then again...I am not fond of most strangers no matter their age). I am civil to them, I smile, am polite, buy their candy bars, cookies, and popcorn when they come to my door....but I do not seek the company of them. I don't plan on having any kids. Call me selfish but a kid just does not fit into my life plan at the moment. If I ever have a kid it will be a singleton, adopted, and not a wee little baby which terrify me even more than older children.

 

[alan]

The fun things I can do with my sister's son and daughter, the rest I don't need.

Best kind of kids to have, when they go home its not YOUR home.

 

[Kali]

That second article is just sad!!
A child turning out bad is sometimes because it's badly raised, sometimes parents are not at fault, unfortunately these things happen.
But couples that are unhappy parents because their child costs too much money, or they can't go out anymore, and things like that, just didn't think it through !! Their are lots of things you can't know in advance, but these you can!
You just KNOW you have to stay at home more or pay a babysitter every time.
You KNOW you have an extra mouth (or more) to feed and have to pay for food.
You KNOW their will be doctors expenses, and sometimes they can be high.
There are so many things that you can know if you just think it through. They are not fun, but if you really don't want to accept the downs with the ups, why do you have children??
Just to be clear, this is about the "normall" expenses/time/... you can expect. Having a special needs child for instance may be another case. Although there is always a possibility of these things, you can hardly know all the consequences beforehand.

Sorry for the rant

 

[Kali]

Best kind of kids to have, when they go home its not YOUR home.

Personally I agree (although lots of parents wouldn't, I imagine )
Extra plus is that I get to be the cool aunt. I have pets, there are snakes!! We do fun things together. and the less fun things are for their parents. So while they sometimes are mad at my sister (like every child is sometimes) they never are mad at me, because I'm fun
My sister and her husband got the harder job.

 

[vetusvates]

"I am so special that I should be allowed to construct my life in such a way that I do not come into contact with those I find undesireable."

So...what's the problem? :laugh:
This is how I've been living my life since I was 15-16 years old. And I've only become more subtle but more skillful at it as the years have gone by.

Seriously though, I like kids. Sweet, well-behaved kids that don't come home with me.
I just say I don't like kids to be funny. Although I do prefer a neighborhood without. But that is just me, my own personal preference.
I think the good people in the world should be the ones reproducing and teaching.

Incidentally, Lauren, a good read. Different viewpoints, but civil conversation. Confirms what I have always suspected...that women are indeed smarter than men. And I do not mind that a bit.

 

[Hypancistrus]

There are so many things that you can know if you just think it through.

I think that is the key point though...

Can you ever really know what it means to be a parent, to have another tiny, "helpless" human being dependent on you for its every need unless you have been there?

I think a lot of folks never quite stop to put thought into having kids and the potential that they have to utterly and completely change your life.

I have a few friends who became parents at a super young age and resent it... they never got a chance to have a carefree college period themselves, some even lost part of their childhood, and it angers them. I find myself wondering about that... I know "accidents happen," but really... if you're old enough to have sex you SHOULD be old enough to protect yourself. I can't imagine that the number of unplanned pregnancies is equivalent with the percent failure rate of a properly used condom.......

Unfortunately there is a great deal of societal and family pressure to have children; even us gay folks are no longer immune to that given the loosening of adoption laws in some states (a mixed blessing, no doubt....)

 

[Ricky87]

I have a few friends who became parents at a super young age and resent it... they never got a chance to have a carefree college period themselves, some even lost part of their childhood, and it angers them. I find myself wondering about that...

That's so true!. The kind of parents who dress way too young, or focus on childish things while their kid's suffer. My mom was only 22 when we were born, but she's such a selfless person that it didn't matter. Other people, however, feel so slighted that their unable to give their children the love and attention they need. It's sad to see, and that trait ends up passing on to their children. Some people just weren't meant to be parents and that's why I totally respect anybody's decision not to have kid's; unless their an ultra rare pair of Corn Snakes - that's unacceptable!.

Unfortunately there is a great deal of societal and family pressure to have children; even us gay folks are no longer immune to that given the loosening of adoption laws in some states (a mixed blessing, no doubt....)

Not that that's a bad thing, though. I watched something on this guy in his mid-20's who said he would have loved to have any parents; gay or straight, and that it always killed him that he was never adopted, because of it. I'm sure most foster children feel the same way. Who knows, you may want kid's someday, but I respect your choice either way. I'm just glad to see the taboo lifting, though, because good parents are good parents regardless.

 

[airenlow]

I agree with everybody...there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. If every couple in the world had 2.1 kids, the population would not increase anymore. So, with some having 3 or 4 or 15, we probably need more people who do not want children...just to even things out.

But I personally love kids! I got in trouble at a restaurant the other day because I was playing Hide and Seek/Peek-A-Boo with a little kid in the next booth over. I can't wait to have my own. I just wish they could skip the baby stage...they look like little aliens! Should be interesting...

 

[whippet]

totally off topic...but Airenlow...that is the scariest icon I have ever seen....

 

[Kali]

I just wish they could skip the baby stage...they look like little aliens! Should be interesting...

You just wait until you have an alien of your own. It'll be the "most beautiful baby ever" mark my words !!

 

[airenlow]

totally off topic...but Airenlow...that is the scariest icon I have ever seen....

:-offtopic That's Johnny Depp from the new Alice in Wonderland!!!

You just wait until you have an alien of your own. It'll be the "most beautiful baby ever" mark my words !!

Oh, I don't doubt it. It has to be some weird chemical imbalance parents have after child birth...

 

[whippet]

On a serious note.

My ex wanted a child. Wanted it to the point of obsession really. I was a fencesitter so let her do what she needed to... we spent literally thousands in frozen spunk, used a "friends", even had an appointment to talk about going the next step in fertility treatments *we did it once at the dr.s*
I HATED the process...with a passion. Everytime the pregnacy failed she was inconsolible and living with her was hell. It makes me never want to go through that process again.
I looked into adoption...but well...I am just do damn selfish for kids 90 percent of the time. I want to sleep in. I want to go on vacations without kids. I want to go out at night and I want to spend our money on ourselves and our pets. *shrugs*

 

[starsevol]

I wonder....if I liked kids would I be nicer to David ( snakemaster)??............nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh