Bad Experience Euthanizing Dog

[antiochian]

I posted on here perhaps a couple years ago about my two chihuahuas' declining health and the whole end of life issue pet owners deal with. Thanks for the support you showed.

I lost my female longhair on 27 July last year. She died naturally. I scheduled euthanasia but back out. It's a tough decision, no? She lasted another 9 days.

She was survived by my remaining dog, a male shorthair whose health got to the point where in this last week he'd fall over on his side trying to walk and his teeth were so rotten he could hardly eat. So I told myself I would stand firm and euthanize. I said my goodbyes to my precious boy and took him on that final trip yesterday afternoon. I REGRET IT.

Virtually everyone I've heard from has had nothing but good things to say about their experiences putting down animals. Fast. Peaceful. My friend said within ten minutes, it was over the times he did it.

It took 40 minutes for my baby to expire. I spent the weekend with him, saying I love you's and goodbyes. He seemed to understand that his life was waning and it was time to go. That's how it appeared. At the vet's office he resisted the sedative, and it only got partially injected. Wait 5-10 minutes, I'm cradling him like a baby, telling him it's okay to let go, etc. Vet comes back and my dog's still conscious, still resisting, and I opted for a second dose of sedative before inserting the fatal drug so we could be sure he didn't have to struggle. 5-10 minutes. He'd close and open his eyes. Vet tried for a vein and couldn't get one because they were so incredibly small due to his awful health. So she gave him a third dose of sedative. She put a gas mask over his nose for a while, which finally rendered him unconscious, and his breathing became extremely irregular. She still couldn't get a dang vein/artery/whatever, and gave me this look. I needed to leave the room, because what she'd have to do to finish this would be too traumatic for me to witness. I'm guessing she went into the chest and injected the heart.

By the time it ended I felt like an executioner, not like a friend doing my pet one final kindness. The vet said he probably felt nothing after the initial sedation, even if he was awake. She guaranteed me he didn't feel the final, fatal injection. Still, I am beside myself. All this talk about how quick and peaceful euthanasia is. But for whatever reason, and maybe it was involuntary on his part, my sweet dog refused to go down without a fight.

The guilt I feel is immense. My boy's last minutes were probably terrifying. I can only hope the last things he heard and saw were me. On top of the already huge pain of losing a companion of 15 years, I have to wonder if I really did the humane thing.

Consequently, I feel extreme anger at people who belittled my hesitation to go through with this process. I was selfish, dontcha know? Maybe I did do him a favor in the long run. His quality of life had diminished greatly, although he was still eating like a pig up to the last day (soft, chewable food).

I have no explanation for why it took so much more effort to euthanize this 8 pound Chihuahua than (according to the vet) it often takes to put down most dogs. Did he still want to live? Did he not want to leave me behind? Was he just scared of the needle? So many questions.

All that's left now is to allow myself to grieve and celebrate the lives of my two faithful, loving companions who gave me more love than I could ever hope to repay.

Jelly
(Oct. 2000 - July 2013)

Basil
(June 1999 - July 2014)

<3

 

[antiochian]

If anyone with veterinary experience could possibly offer some possible insight into why things appeared to go so wrong, it would mean a lot to me.

 

[HVani]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry that you had to witness such an event. In the end I believe you still did the right thing.

Last year I had to put down my 14 year old dog who's health had been declining. We gave her one last wonderful weekend and the vet came to our house. She went so peacefully and though it hurt I knew it was the right thing.

This past February my other dog took a bad turn. She went from fine to declining rapidly in 3 weeks. I had no time and a decision had to be made. This was my heart dog but I just had no time. She was loosing the ability to use her back legs and was in so much pain.
The vet came to the house the next day to help her along. I thought it would go smoothly like it had with my precious Tails. It did not. It was terrible. They did not do the sedation because Zoey had always been bad about injections. They had to restrain her. The first time they went for a vein, Zoey stiffened and looked the vet straight in the eye, giving a low growl. I knew she was dead serious. I couldn't believe it, Zoey had always been so sweet and friendly. I didn't even recognize her.
The second time they got the vein but had to restrain her harder. Zoey looked me right in the eye as she went down slowly. I felt like I had betrayed her. I was suppose to protect her, I was her friend, yet I had let this happened to her. It was suppose to be a peaceful end but it wasn't. I had nightmares for months and I still feel such guilt.

Now 6 months later I still grieve for her every day. But now I do realize it was for the best. She was in so much pain and she wasn't the same dog in the end. I wish it could have been smoother for her but she is at peace now. For that I'm thankful.

You will look back on this in time and know that you did the right thing. Part of being a responsible dog owner is knowing when to let go.

Again so sorry for your loss.

 

[Shiari]

Sometimes, when a dog's body is failing, drugs don't work as well. Poor blood pressure causes them to take longer to take effect because it takes longer to circulate around the body, and that same poor blood pressure was a likely cause of why they had a hard time finding a vein.

He sounds like he was pretty out after the second sedative. The higher functions are mostly gone, and you're left with more basic reactions to things. It's one of the stages going into and out of anesthesia, and one that is not remembered, even by humans.

The irregular breathing is typical for early-stage anesthesia. The gas smells strange to them (and us humans) so they'll often hold their breath, or pant, or both. It's one of the banes for us vet techs, trying to get them to a nice steady rhythm.

Regarding "did he still want to live", truthfully he did not know what was being planned that day, nor why he was being poked. Same for not leaving you behind, as heartless as that may make me sound. Dogs don't do abstract thinking like we do. They're very much here-and-now creatures, which is why they handle traumatic injuries far better than people do. Just look at the general reaction for a dog or cat who loses a limb, to a person who unexpectedly loses a limb. No emotional trauma from our pets. They just have to learn to balance a little differently.


I will beg you though to not automatically avoid euthanasia in the future. Dying 'peacefully at home' doesn't happen unless it's a sudden heart failure, or arrhythmia in their sleep. Animals are very frequently stoic. They don't let us know just how much pain they are in and very often once you relieve the source of pain the difference in behaviour is astounding.

We've a lovely pitty at my work right now who, when she came in, was merely tolerant of petting and attention. She didn't want to walk anywhere and she wouldn't wag her tail. She has *severe* arthritis in her hips. We've started her on joint supplements and an anti-inflammatory and she's a completely different dog. She actively seeks out people for belly rubs, and every morning when I go to her room to give her her medications (in wet cat food, NUM!) she literally bounces off her bed and barks at me to hurry up so she can get her treat and her butt scritchies. Her tail wags a mile a minute, though held very low due to the arthritis.

We've had the same with cats with broken legs, dogs with skin conditions or luxating patellas, cats with bad teeth.... now there's a way to make a cat be not as friendly as it could be. Personality changes for the better after a dental are soooo common.

 

[HVani]

I think part of it may be euthanasing very small dogs. I talked this over with my husband and he said his child hood yorkie had a similar issue when they put her down.

 

[carriecat2]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Making end of life decision for a beloved pet is very painful. We had to go through this with our last two cats, we just couldn't bear watching our kitties suffer any longer Even though both times procedure went smoothly, it was very difficult for us. Our cats given us their life devotion, and we pay them back by taking good care of them, which means in the end, we had to make painful decisions to end their pain, it is the unfortunate responsibility of pet ownership. Give yourself time to grieve, only time can help with these type of loss <hug>.

 

[hypnoctopus]

I always wish that my old animals would just die peacefully in their sleep. However, that has yet to happen because they always end up being in too much pain for me to feel good about keeping them alive. My old golden retriever was about 13 when I found out he had cancer. He ended up living another year, but it got to the point where I always had to help him get up (he also had very stiff joints), and once he accidentally peed in the house (which he had never done before), and then fell in it, and had to lay in it until I got home because he couldn't get up on his own. I felt horrible about that. He also would frequently get knocked over by my younger golden, so I always had to instruct my younger golden to let my older one go through the door first, so he wouldn't get trampled. When it seemed like his bad days outweighed his good, I knew it was time to let him go.

I'm so sorry about your dogs. Losing pets is always hard.

 

[kathylove]

I am so sorry for your terrible experience! It is difficult enough losing a pet without adding such a traumatic experience as you and your pet went through.

Thanks to Shiari for posting her opinions from a vet tech perspective. It makes sense to me that her explanation of your dog's lack of awareness after the 2nd sedative rings true. Considering your description of his falling on his side and inability to eat (and probably dental pain), I feel like the euthanasia experience may have been far worse for you than it was for your dog. Each day of living with pain and poor nutrition was probably worse than the 40 minutes it took for the vet to finish the euthanasia.

Right now the grief is too fresh to be able to logically analyze what happened and to decide if you truly regret having gone to the vet that last time. But I think that as time goes on and you remember the good times instead of the last few weeks, and that last vet visit, you will come to see that leaving your pet in pain until the end came naturally would have been far worse than the traumatic last 40 minutes you both had to endure. Even if that were not true, you made the decision from the pure motive of alleviating your pet's suffering, so you have no reason for regrets or guilt.

I hope you will soon remember only the good times and let the memories of the end fade as much as possible.

 

[diamondlil]

I've had the very good experience of my beloved dog being PTS in my arms at home, but also a terrible experience of my beautiful cat fighting the sedation and having to be scruffed so she could have her injection and needing much more than she should have done in theory. I can't blame the vet at all as she totally hated any intervention there and they usually had to use gauntlets just for her exams. So for years I carried the guilt over what happened, but really had to make myself understand that her body systems were failing and she was going to die a drawn out and painful death if I didn't take her to the vet.
It's the hardest decision us pet owners ever make, but we do it because we love our animals. You loved your dog and did the right thing for him, because you are a caring person x

 

[Nanci]

I am so sorry for your loss. But- although it was difficult, you made the right decision. A decision I've been struggling with, myself, for a couple weeks. A good friend of mine, known here as Desert Animal, wrote this comment about a post on Facebook that was going around, a very touching story about a dog's last day.

I think that, for pets, too early is better than too late. I will always err on the side of too early. Too early costs the animals nothing. They don't mourn lost opportunities, missed grandchild school performances, missed morning walks that they could have had. They live in the moment entirely. So if all the moments are great, it seems like a total benefit life. I don't want my pets to have days that subtract from their lifetime total. It's hard to always know when is the right time, but as a vet tech I saw a lot of pets whose caretakers put them down way too late. Way. Too. Late. Especially cats. Owners just couldn't let go and put their pets through treatments that were awful for the pets for no other purpose than prolonging an inevitable end, and that were not enjoyed by the pets. I never saw anyone I thought put their pet down way too early. But I might be that person, because I so worry about putting down my pet too late. I can rest with too early better than I can too late, because I believe that, for pets, being dead is better than suffering.

I read, I understood, but I still struggled with what makes a dog have a bad day? I prayed, unreasonably, for my dog to die peacefully in her sleep. Then, one day- it was clear. She was not in pain, that I could see, but she was suffering. And so I put my dog to sleep today.

I saw your post this morning, but I didn't read it until after. Hugs- and I'm sorry- and please believe that you did what was best for your baby.

 

[albertagirl]

My dogs are getting older, and I'm having to face the nearing reality of making this decision myself. I do believe that if your dog could come back and tell you how he felt about your decision, it would probably be something along the lines of "that may have been a little scary or stressful, or maybe the needle pokes hurt a little, but it was nothing compared to living hour after hour of suffering and waiting to die. THANK YOU!" I agree with what everyone else has said, that even a rough euthanasia (which I believe was probably MUCH harder on you) is easier than suffering to the bitter end, and I believe you did the right thing. Cry your soul out for your lost friend, and then forgive yourself and know that you gave your dog the most love you possibly could have, even when it was the hardest thing for you, right to the end.

 

[Nanci]

And it sure feels good to hug another dog.

 

[insomniac101]

I am so sorry you had to experience this. I've had to euthanize pets before, and except for a very geriatric cat, it was very fast and peaceful.

As others have said, I think you did the right thing for her. Shiari's explanation makes a lot of sense, and I don't think your baby was aware of what was happening after sedation.

Still, it is a very traumatizing thing to go through, but there is no greater pain than what we inflict on ourselves. I remember beating myself up for months after making the decision to euthanize my two terminally-ill dogs. It's a normal thought process, but will ease up with time.

Healing thoughts are being sent your way!

Kathy

 

[antiochian]

I just wanted to thank you for your replies. Besides losing my grandmother, the loss of my dogs has been the most painful of my life. My dad was also present at the procedure, and interestingly he didn't think it went bad even though it took long. For me, those final images of his helpless little body are still so painful. I loved that dog so much. 15 years weren't enough with him. It seems so dang unfair. I wanted another 15 years, another 50.

Injecting the drug in the heart, as a friend told me, is actually a faster and more efficient way to euthanize than through the vein. At first I was angry at my vet that it appeared to end so roughly. I now strongly believe she did her best and in puncturing the heart ended his suffering quickly.

He had congestive heart failure, and his breathing had been rough for over 2 years. It had gotten considerably worse recently with the humidity. He was losing control of his hind legs, as his sister did before her death. (This seems a common thing with old dogs). The morning before his death we watched the sun rise together. I sang to him, petted him, made him a grand breakfast. We had so many great years together. For that I'm thankful.

My heart does tell me my intuition was right. It was time. It hurt. It still hurts. I'll always miss him. But the passage of a week has given me time to think, and I think euthanasia was the kindest thing to do for him.

I wrote this poem for Basil days before his death after making the appointment to euthanize, and would like to share it for other pet lovers. Maybe it'll comfort someone else? (It is written from the perspective of belief in an afterlife, just a heads up). Nanci, may I print and share that lovely post about a dog's last day? So true, and comforting to me.

Thanks and blessings to all.

In Loving Memory of Basil a.k.a. Cheesy Toes
(June 28, 1999 - July 22, 2014)
by Jeffery A. Johnson

I can't turn back the hands of time
to make you young again;
So I give you this my final gift:
I'm letting you go, my friend.
My once mischievous, vibrant puppy
has grown tired, sick, deaf and blind....
The years, they passed so quickly and I
dared believe you'd never leave my side.
I cherish all the nights we cuddled
safe and warm in bed.
I relish the laughter, the friendship, the
memories that echo through my head.
I wouldn't trade you for a tub of gold,
for all the fame and fortune on earth.
You made me rich with joy and love;
You filled my heart with warmth and mirth.
I'll hold you in my arms, kiss you,
and gently sing and speak your name.
A poke from a needle, a few more breaths--
and you'll never hurt again.
I can't tell you how hard it is for me to
accept that our time together must end.
Wait for me on the other side till
I join you there, my friend.
Someday another dog may come
along for me to love and enjoy,
but no one can ever take your place,
my precious baby boy.
Closest friend, sweet companion,
and so much more you were.
Eight pounds of tail-wagging love
wrapped in blue and white fur.
It's because I love you so very much
that I give you this final gift.
I'm setting you free from that weary
old frame. Go. Rest now.
We'll meet again.

 

[smigon]

What an amazing and beautiful tribute to all of our pets that have passed on. They give us so much love and pleasure and happiness that having to do "the right thing" sure doesn't feel like "the right thing". Jim and I talk every day about something one of our kitties who have passed did that made us laugh. It keeps them present in our minds and makes us smile and laugh.

Our favorite is when Frankie, a big Ragdoll cat, was "helping" me wrap Christmas presents and I tossed an empty wrapping paper tube across the room. Frankie was a feisty cat, and checked it out, and realized that he could see through the tube to the other end. He backed up a few feet, eyes on the prize, wiggled his butt to get ready to go, then BOOM! He hit the tube opening as hard as he could. With brute force, his head went into the tube, but his body didn't fit and he ended up just ramming the tube into the wall forcing his head in even more! He lifted his head with is 3' tube swinging around the room uncontrollably, he couldn't get it off, his head was so wedged in. We laughed so hard we could barely help him get the tube off. We just brought up this particular memory last night, it helps in remembering what kind of wonderful animal we brought into our lives and how much richer we are for it.

Biggest hugs to you, sending tears of joy to you for the wonderful mom you were and will be again.

-Michelle

 

[colton62]

I understand what you went through. This winter my dog was doing amazing. Acting like normal. Then one day he just dropped. He was upstairs in spit/puke couldn't breathe. We took him the the animal emergency room and it turned out he was diabetic and have cancer around his liver and that area. My parents couldn't afford to save him and even if he did make it he would of had to be put on medication and probably wouldn't make it much longer. It really pains me to read how it ended for your dog and I wish it would of been better. Honestly not watching them die might actually be better because holding the dog living breathing looking at you hearing it's heart then watching it all stop is really something I'll never forget. I'm actually tearing up writing this lol. But they're all in a better place now where they aren't struggling to breathe or eat. I wish dogs lived as long as snakes

 

[kathylove]

I wish dogs and cats lived as long as tortoises! Our lives would be less stressful if they could share much more of our lives with us.

 

[SpectorGhost]

I had a similar thing happen with my cat earlier this year. I did special needs health rescue for 10 years, and have had to put a lot of animals to sleep as a result of their health issues. and this last cat was the first I have ever had not be the peaceful experience you heard about.
It sounds like your dog may have had the same issue as my cat- collapsed veins due to adema. There was so much fluid in his chest at by the time we made the decision his heart was not able to pump enough to inflate his veins. We said goodbye, (my children were with me) and two minutes later the vet came to get us (he was given an intercardial injection)

I have never regretted euthanizing an animal too soon, but I have regretted being too late.
If his veins were too low to get, then his heart may not have been functioning enough for the sedative to work. Some also just have bad reactions to certain drugs. If his heart wasn't working well and he could not breathe then you absolutely did the right thing. You were there even thou it was hard, and that is what matters.

 

[albertagirl]

Beautiful poem! Got me a little choked up, to tell the truth. I'm so glad to hear the guilt is easing up a little for you. And wow, you guys are so right, our dog's lives are so short in comparison to some of these other critters!!

 

[ArpeggioAngel]

When I had to euthanize my 18yr old cat Liebe, she was so old that the vet had trouble finding her vein for the sedative. He took her out of the room for that part, then brought her back in. She was already sleeping when she did. He advised me due to the difficulty getting a vein the only way to inject the final drug was straight to the heart and offered for me to leave the room. As painful as it was for me, I stayed with her through the entire process. She was my baby, had been with me through my most difficult and most rewarding moments of my life to that point. She never trusted or loved anyone but me - even though we lived with other people her entire life. I couldn't leave her at the moment she needed me most. I am glad I made that decision.
Even now, years later, I still miss her. I have other cats whom I love dearly, but no one will ever replace my Liebe.

Someone sent me this poem at the time, and I have forwarded it to many other friends who have lost beloved pets. Your tribute to your sweet boy is wonderful, and I hope that this poem as well can bring you some comfort.

Beyond The Rainbow

As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,
I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.
I saw a wondrous image then of a place that's trouble-free
Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.

I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side
Were meadows rich and beautiful -- lush and green and wide!
And running through the meadows as far as the eye could see
Were animals of every sort as healthy as could be!
My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new
And I wanted to go run with them, but I had something left to do.

I needed to reach out to you, to tell you I'm alright
That this place is truly wonderful, then a bright Glow pierced the night.
'Twas the Glow of many Candles shining bright and strong and bold
And I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.

For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,
We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.
So whenever you need to find me, we're never far apart
If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart.

cg - 1995