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Corporal Punishment?!?! Grandmother arrested for slapping granddaughter!

Trouble is that corporal punishment is a slippery slope. Some people can't cope with putting on the brakes.

My family were always advocates of "percussive parenting", but my dad beat my brother when he was 10 for stealing money from Mum's purse. I mean properly beat - it went on for two hours, my brother couldn't walk without help for two days and had to be kept off school for the best part of a fortnight in case the teachers asked about the bruises (which were all over him).

It worked. Neither my brother not I ever put a major foot wrong again. It was clear that Dad just had no "stop" mechanism once he truly lost his temper.

As aversion therapy it worked like a charm, but I can't say it produced happy, well-balanced children. Frankly, we were scared every time it looked like either of my parents were about to lose their temper (which TBH was about 99% of the time because they didn't have that happy a relationship).

Until I started typing this, I didn't realise that I still haven't forgiven it. In moderation, smacking is functional. But you have to know when to stop - and then be able to.
 
Teddy Roosevelt said:
... we as a society coddle children too much. There are many spoiled brats I've seen throw temper tantrums long after they're too old for them, and all because they are never punished. Either privileges aren't taken away or physical punishments like time outs in a corner or even spankings for especially unruly kids. Everyone's afraid to hurt their precious little snotnose and the kids know it.
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Not everyone is afraid of corporal punishment for unruly children, but what they ARE afraid of are those people that as soon as they see a child told "NO!", let alone spanked, go screaming to Child Protective Services (or whatever they call themselves nowadays) to put the family through living hell and take the children away to be cared for by the state.
 
Susan said:
Not everyone is afraid of corporal punishment for unruly children, but what they ARE afraid of are those people that as soon as they see a child told "NO!", let alone spanked, go screaming to Child Protective Services (or whatever they call themselves nowadays) to put the family through living hell and take the children away to be cared for by the state.
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It makes me so angry that there are people like that out there...

My sister likes to pull that card out on my parents and they don't even spank her anymore -__- but she is the type of teenager that will do absolutely everything she was taught not to do and be angry and, quite frankly, a b*tch when my parents try to help her and keep her from becoming like my drug abusing aunt who can't even afford a place to live for herself and her three kids. She just can't get it through her thick skull that our parents are there to help her and teach her right and wrong and that life is not all about doing whatever the hell you want and having no regard for the law and whats right and wrong. I really think my parents need to revert back to the spanking days, but I also feel that even that wouldn't have an effect on my thickheaded sister. She'd just whine and complain about all the abuse and I wouldn't put it past her to ACTUALLY call child services on my parents.
 
There is a huge difference between beating a child and giving a spanking. As I mentioned in my first post, I use it as a last resort. I don't like spanking but sometimes words aren't enough. It's legal in my state, as long as you don't leave lasting marks. I was spanked as a child. Even had the belt used on me. I'm probably one of the most non-violent people I know. So I don't buy the "spanking leads to violent behaviors" argument.

As far as dealing with my children, at times I can talk till I'm blue in the face. I can run out of numbers. I can hide all the toys, phones, I-pods, etc till there's nothing left. I can leave them in "Time Outs" until it seems like solitary confinement. It doesn't always work. I then give the kid(s) a warning that it's coming if their behavior doesn't change. Most of the time that works. The times that it doesn't and I have to resort to that, I don't do it in anger and then it's only on the bum.

As far as this subject goes, if my children were to swear at my mother or mother-in-law, a crack across the mouth wouldn't be a second thought. That's where the word came from and I'm sure the message would be immediately understood.

I'm sorry but I don't believe in "spare the rod and spoil the child." Everything is earned and rewarded. It's that way in life for the majority of us, so ingraining it when they are young would seem and probably is beneficial. I'm not saying that I run my house like a military institution, but I will not tolerate disrespect and unruly behavior. I'm very fair and fun, but stern.

Wayne
 
Wayne, I like your outlook on raising kids... It sounds pretty solid...

Like I said, I used to get spanked for everything... Only once did I get slapped across the face and that was because I said something to my mother that was uncouth and deserved it... I learned what not to say around my parents.
I was one of those kids that always had a mouth full of soap when I back talked. Even though it never really worked, it tasted horrible and I was slower to do it..

I know that when I have kids, I will wait until I am calmed down before spanking my child/children. I will still spank them when necessary, just they will know it is coming and will have to think about why they are getting it before I give it to them... That way I am able to stop and they will fully understand why they are receiving a spanking... well, they should know, that way they don't keep doing it... LOL
 
I am not going to say I am against spanking, I can recognize that all kids and all parents and all situation are different, but I have not spanked either of my girls ever. I have never been able to honestly say to myself that, the most prudent, responsible, or effective thing to do is to hit my kid. I am actually very strict when it comes to issues like self control, respectfulness, unruliness, sass, manners, and things of that sort. I just have always found effective solutions that didn't involve hitting. It isn't that I think a spank is automatically wrong or automatically abuse, I just think that it is an EXTREMELY serious statement that should be reserved to make only the most serious of points.

To me if I had to be physical in order to get one of my kids to comply, then I have already lost. I always think about it in terms of dogs. The Alpha does not have to constantly fight for his or her position. They have earned their position and with the exception of the occasional challenge for the most part an Alpha is able to command respect and complaince by their presence, posture, and voice.
 
(If only all parents could produce children as well-mannered and enjoyable as Nellie!)
 
They can have moments, I would just never subject the general public to them. Plus I cannot take even a fraction of the credit, that is why I feel so accommodating to other kids and other situations because both my husband and I are pretty low key so genetically we had kids predisposed to be low key which makes a lot of things much more straighforward.
 
Dinah said:
They can have moments, I would just never subject the general public to them. Plus I cannot take even a fraction of the credit, that is why I feel so accommodating to other kids and other situations because both my husband and I are pretty low key so genetically we had kids predisposed to be low key which makes a lot of things much more straighforward.
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Oy. Can you even IMAGINE what my kid will be like? Hell in heels. :roflmao:
 
Good post Bitsy. It sounds like your dad and my dad have a lot in common.
I think your brother and I could share horror stories.
As an extreme rebound result, I don't know if I personally could spank a child.
I know my sister, having witnessed scenes like you described, has raised three sons with no spankings. One or two at the most, at which time she cried more than they did, I think. She endeavoured to "talk" everything out. Now they are manipulative little con men. LOL.
But I agree with Wayne and Brent. IMHO, I think there is middle ground where thoughtful and sparing use of spankings can be a useful tool.
 
Sometimes kids (like my sister) are so misbehaved that not even spankings will control them. I don't know what it is with my sister, because my brother and I are much much much more well behaved....
 
Daenerys said:
Sometimes kids (like my sister) are so misbehaved that not even spankings will control them. I don't know what it is with my sister, because my brother and I are much much much more well behaved....
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While there was a life changing experience in two of my two grand-daughters life, I feel their Mom has over compinsated, and now they are girls I can't even be around (which is sad). Totally out of control and yet my other and oldest grand-daughter is very different.

I wish I had a better grip on all of this. My grandmother disciplined me, it was expected.
 
In reality it all comes down to consistency. My kids are fairly well behaved so discipline isn't an all the time thing. I think a big part of it is that I established rules and boundaries early. On occasion, my son gets a little testy and gets his sister going, but for the most part things stay quiet.

Spankings (corporal punishment) is really a rarity, but I keep it as a last resort and never never never in anger. If I did it in anger, then my kids would learn that, and that is, IMO, defeatist. I mean, if I don't have self control, then what can I expect from my children. :shrugs:

Wayne
 
I can’t even remember the infraction but a long time ago when my son was a 6 years old he did something wrong and I told him if he ever did it again I was going to spank him. About a month later he did it again. I took him aside I was sitting and he was standing in front of me. I looked him in the eye and said Haven’t we already talked about this once before. He didn’t say a word, he got a tear in his eye and laid across my lap. I had never spanked him before but he knew it was coming. I gave him one swat, he went in his room and cried and I went in my room and cried.
 
LOL. Wade, I think I would totally do the same thing.

My grandfather only spanked me one time in my whole life, and he remembered it and I remembered it forever after. I don't think either of us ever wanted to visit "that place" again.
 
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