Irish Eyes (Mrs.Z)
Zookeeper
I haven't been around much. As active as this board is, I doubt anyone noticed, but since this is my favorite forum, I thought a quick explanation was due.
In July, we found out that my mother's cancer had not only returned, but spread to a kidney, the back of her abdomen, and the original site on her small intestine. As a rare form of cancer (small bowel/intestine), there is no protocol for treating it, so they treat it like colon cancer. Unfortunately, when the surgery doesn't work (she had that last year) to eliminate it and it comes back, there is no other known "cure" for it. Chemo might slow or stop the growth of the tumors for awhile, but it won't make them go away. She is terminal. Docs give her "weeks to months" if she doesn't do chemo, or "months to a few years" if she does. She chose to do it (of course!), and has just had her second treatment. It went better than her first, and frankly, we're all just a bit more hopeful than the docs are. I hope we're right.
But, the diagnosis and prognosis for my mom has turned my world upside down. I am very close to my mother, and the thought of losing her is messing up my whole life. There is a long story behind my relationship with my mother, but suffice it to say that she is the most important person in my life (not counting my husband
, and has been for my entire life--and I'm in my 50s.
Every other week, she comes to this city from 250 miles away to get her chemotherapy. She is here for 4 days--the day she arrives, plus the 3 days of chemo. We are her only relatives in the area, and we joyously cook for her, take her to her appointments, and take her anyplace she wants to go (shopping, the beach, the zoo, Powell's Bookstore, etc.), since she carries the chemo pump hooked up to her port for 2 of the 3 days she's having it. We pick up her prescriptions and make sure she's taking her meds on time and in the proper amount (anxiety meds, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds), and we get her anything she needs to make her happy and/or her life more comfortable. We keep family and friends "back home" updated, and when she's back at home, they do the same for us, as well as taking on the same responsibilities we have when she's here, including housework, pet care, and keeping her husband from being overwhelmed by this whole ordeal. None of us has any complaints. It's just what family and good friends DO for each other, right? At least, that's how it works in our family. No one is a burden, and we all are comforted when we know that it's making my mom's life easier.
It's all quite emotionally (and physically, too, of course) exhausting for everyone concerned--my mom, my husband, and myself. Even for my children (grown) on a lesser basis. I really and truly do not have the strength or desire to do much of anything, including playing online. My heart is heavy, and my soul is tortured every time I see my mother cry. The only relief I get is that once/week, we go to the beach for a day.
So, I cry a lot. I don't feel like doing much of anything, and that includes visiting the various forums I'm a member of. Right now, all I can do is concentrate on my mom while she's in town, and take the time to rest when she's not, so that I can put on my "happy/brave face" for her when she's here. I can't let her see me break down, because I don't want anything negative happening that might have a bad impact on the chances of the chemo helping her survive and have a good quality of life.
So we celebrate the little things--she's able to eat, finally, because the docs finally got her meds straightened out. She can still smile and laugh when she sees something that pleases her. She can still walk for short distances, and she still enjoys the parts of her life that don't cause pain or worry. Heck, she's even got back to cooking, which is something she's always loved. When she's happy, I'm happy.
And in between, I fill my days doing artsy stuff and loving my family, and I don't spend much time online. Please have patience with me, for I don't know when, or even if, I'll be up to socializing outside of my small circle of family.
Thanks for listening.
In July, we found out that my mother's cancer had not only returned, but spread to a kidney, the back of her abdomen, and the original site on her small intestine. As a rare form of cancer (small bowel/intestine), there is no protocol for treating it, so they treat it like colon cancer. Unfortunately, when the surgery doesn't work (she had that last year) to eliminate it and it comes back, there is no other known "cure" for it. Chemo might slow or stop the growth of the tumors for awhile, but it won't make them go away. She is terminal. Docs give her "weeks to months" if she doesn't do chemo, or "months to a few years" if she does. She chose to do it (of course!), and has just had her second treatment. It went better than her first, and frankly, we're all just a bit more hopeful than the docs are. I hope we're right.
But, the diagnosis and prognosis for my mom has turned my world upside down. I am very close to my mother, and the thought of losing her is messing up my whole life. There is a long story behind my relationship with my mother, but suffice it to say that she is the most important person in my life (not counting my husband
, and has been for my entire life--and I'm in my 50s.Every other week, she comes to this city from 250 miles away to get her chemotherapy. She is here for 4 days--the day she arrives, plus the 3 days of chemo. We are her only relatives in the area, and we joyously cook for her, take her to her appointments, and take her anyplace she wants to go (shopping, the beach, the zoo, Powell's Bookstore, etc.), since she carries the chemo pump hooked up to her port for 2 of the 3 days she's having it. We pick up her prescriptions and make sure she's taking her meds on time and in the proper amount (anxiety meds, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds), and we get her anything she needs to make her happy and/or her life more comfortable. We keep family and friends "back home" updated, and when she's back at home, they do the same for us, as well as taking on the same responsibilities we have when she's here, including housework, pet care, and keeping her husband from being overwhelmed by this whole ordeal. None of us has any complaints. It's just what family and good friends DO for each other, right? At least, that's how it works in our family. No one is a burden, and we all are comforted when we know that it's making my mom's life easier.
It's all quite emotionally (and physically, too, of course) exhausting for everyone concerned--my mom, my husband, and myself. Even for my children (grown) on a lesser basis. I really and truly do not have the strength or desire to do much of anything, including playing online. My heart is heavy, and my soul is tortured every time I see my mother cry. The only relief I get is that once/week, we go to the beach for a day.
So, I cry a lot. I don't feel like doing much of anything, and that includes visiting the various forums I'm a member of. Right now, all I can do is concentrate on my mom while she's in town, and take the time to rest when she's not, so that I can put on my "happy/brave face" for her when she's here. I can't let her see me break down, because I don't want anything negative happening that might have a bad impact on the chances of the chemo helping her survive and have a good quality of life.
So we celebrate the little things--she's able to eat, finally, because the docs finally got her meds straightened out. She can still smile and laugh when she sees something that pleases her. She can still walk for short distances, and she still enjoys the parts of her life that don't cause pain or worry. Heck, she's even got back to cooking, which is something she's always loved. When she's happy, I'm happy.
And in between, I fill my days doing artsy stuff and loving my family, and I don't spend much time online. Please have patience with me, for I don't know when, or even if, I'll be up to socializing outside of my small circle of family.
Thanks for listening
.
